Good Riddance 2009

2009 sucked ass!  Yes, mom, I just said it and I'm not taking it back.  To say I had job troubles would be an understatement.  In October of 2008 I got my hours cut in half, in April of 2009 I realized that I would be paying more money out in childcare over the summer than I would bring in so I turned in my notice.  I've been out of work except for a few people in my office that have given me contract work.  I thank them from the bottom of my heart.  I have had a real estate license since 1998.  It expires tonight and I'm not renewing it.  The real estate market will get no better this year and I've never wanted to be a salesperson, I wanted to do my job better.  My husband got screwed from his previous employer as well, but thankfully he is newly employed by a fabulous company with great benefits and things are looking up.

I have been hurt by what has occurred over the past year.  My ego has been wounded.  My confidence has dropped to nothing.  But this is the end.  THE END.  2009 is over in a little under 7 hours and from midnight forward, I am going to do something that is incredibly hard for me and I'm going to let it go.  I'm only going to look forward and to the positive.  My kids, my husband and I deserve that.  So if I get all down-in-the-mouth - I want you to knock me around and point me in the right direction.

However, don't mess with my self-deprecating sense of humor.  That isn't going anywhere.

Dear Mike Rowe:

Back on the 9th of December I posted a little ditty about being able to buy a Mike Rowe cardboard cut-out from the Discovery Channel.  This was one of the responses.  Ever since then after a million and one laughs, I threatened my husband with doing just that every night before I went to bed.

I'll wait while you watch......

Well, last night I was this close..... when one of the kids came in and woke me up.

Sigh.....I'm going to try again tonight.

I need some justification

Saturday - tickets go on sale for two of my favorite bands.  TWO.  Yes!!!  Wait for it....


SILVERSUN PICKUPS IS OPENING UP FOR MUSE.  AND THEY ARE GOING TO BE IN MY TOWN!


Ok, so technically its the town next to me, but I'm willing to drive 1/2 an hour.  I'm also willing to spend money I don't have to see the BEST LIVE BAND EVER.   The only problem is justifying it.  I don't think I actually can, so if the ticket fairy is out there anywhere.....I need to see MUSE.  Seriously.

Did you know I like wine?

If you've read my blog at all you know I like wine.  Red wine.  I also like margaritas and vodka and NO, I am not a total lush, but I play one on TV.  HAHAHA!  Guess what?  I have an empty liquor cabinet/wine cellar.  OK, I don't have a wine cellar.  I WISH I had a wine cellar, but I do have a place where I put the bottles.  

Anyway, we never go anywhere for New Year's Eve.  I hate, Hate, HATE crowds and drunk people (unless they are me).  And it never fails that the time I draw designated driver its the worst possible party on the face of the planet with a bunch of drunk people who can't talk or has any form of intelligence what-so-ever.  Its also next to impossible to get a babysitter.

So I'm thinking of killing two birds with one stone, and possibly my sanity at the same time.  A kids sleepover.  Yes, on New Year's eve.    The genius in my plan:  Admission to the New Year's Eve Sleepover at my house - a bottle of your finest ______.  One - parents get to go out with no kids and I get to restock the liquor cabinet/wine closet.

I haven't run it by the husband yet, but I think its a winner.  Dang, I'm inventive.  

These didn't make the grade.

I've been concentrating on art. Yes, Art. I tend to get weird when I'm doing that. Loose focus on the every day matters. Its hard to be creative when its busy around you. Kids especially. Don't get me wrong. THEY COME FIRST, but when you are on a roll....

I've gotten some good feedback, no feedback - that's the hard part the no feedback. I like feedback. Good or Bad. Comments means people are looking.

Lately I've gotten more good photos than bad. That means I'm improving so any feedback anyone gives me good or bad will help me improve more. These are some of the pictures I liked, but didn't quite make the grade for the photo blog. Let me know what you think.

Enjoy!

Me: According to my iPod

I stole this post idea from phairhead, who stole it from her blogger wife Cheeks over at http://alltheleatherkidswereloud.blogspot.com.


1. Go to Ipod
2. Press shuffle
3.Press play. No cheating. No skipping.
4.Type the song title for each category that has randomly appeared on Ipod.

Enjoy!!!

Opening Credits: Starlight: Muse

Nice way to wake up, Muse gets my blood pumping.

Waking Up: Nowhere Fast: The Smiths
Need Coffee

Average Day: Nearly Lost You: Screeming Trees

HMMM

First Date: Love is Stronger Than Death: The The
Well, I guess it was deep

Love Scene: I Caught Myself: Paramore

I always feel so much emotion from Paramore.

Fight Scene: Nothing Pure Can Stay: Audrye Sessions

I'd fail miserably if this was my fight song - shuffle-fail.

Breaking Up: Monkey Wrench: Foo Fighters

I would NEVER break up with the Foos.

Making Up: Clocks: Coldplay

I would make up with Coldplay

Secret Love: Hang Me Up to Dry: Cold War Kids

:0

Life's Okay: I Wanna Be Adored: Stone Roses

Yes, yes & yes

Mental Breakdown: Pink Floyd: Time

Totally.

Driving: Feeling Love: Paula Cole

I must really love my car

Deep Thought: Werewolves of London: Warren Zevon

Not exactly deep thought - more flashback or Happy Dance, but the iPod doesn't lie right?

FlashBack: Electric Feel: MGMT

Okay...but it does have an 80's feel right

Partying: The Mind of Love: k.d. lang

This whole disc gives me a warm lovey feeling.

Happy Dance: CrushCrushCrush: Paramore

~~Dancing~~

Regretting: More Human than Human Rob Zombie

??? More like regretting this on my iPod.

Long Night Alone: Houses of the Holy: Led Zeppelin
~~~Smiles~~~I would be getting into trouble here

Final Battle: Lazy Eye: Silver Sun Pickups

I would be organized - and I would prevail.

Death Scene: The Pretender: Foo Fighters
At least I would go out with a BANG.

Closing Credits: William it Was Really Nothing, The Smiths
HA! HA! HA! - I do love the Smiths.

By the way by people, I feel that I'm off by one on many of the "subjects" does that mean I'm off kilter?

Filler

Tired - nothing to say - going to bed.

At least I still posted.

14 years is a lot isn't it?

I didn't marry that strong silent type - that compassionate man who sweeps you off your feet - that one that all teenage girls dream about - you know like Edward the vampire. Instead I married a slightly hairy Jewish amateur comedian with an addiction to video games and burping really loud at the dinner table.

He sings songs like - Corn Rollin', Chicken Chili Burger Fries - this is what I'm hungry for and Tacos. Actually, I don't think he's ever sung a song named Tacos - but I'll have him write one just for the occasion.

He stays up WAY to late. He likes to come home and sit in his recliner with one sock on (yes I said one sock - I call it the Michael Jackson sock look).

As appealing as that sexy silent man is, I know I would be bored in about 48 hours. So honey, Happy Anniversary - thank you for 14 great, 98% funny and 2% frustrating years.

That's it for me today.

Today was just one of THOSE days. I'm going to invoke the Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

See you tomorrow.

62 Stitches

George took 62 stitches after an argument between the boys. I'm not a trained surgeon, but I did the best that I could. I think he's going to survive. He now has a few "stuffing" underarm hairs and he probably won't have full range of motion in that arm, but as it was an almost 3/4 amputation, so I think it all worked out the best it could.

I'm half way through

OMGI'mhalfwaythroughNaBloPoMo.Ialsohadlike7glassesofteaatdinneranditwasn'tecaffeinated.Notagoodthingforsomeone

alreadywiredonSudafed.Sicknessnobetter.

ButI'mwiredenoughtocleanoutaclosetrightthissecond.

The good, the bad and the tired.

I had the most awesome afternoon, after a morning of sucking. The husband left at about 1:30 to go to the hospital because his mother who had been in ICU for the past week was being intubated. He got home at 4 and got up at 8 so he could take E to his soccer game. Bless his heart. I got the soccer party at 11:30. After that I came home and me and the two boys piled our bikes on the car and drove over to the lake.

9 miles around the lake without too much trouble. We had to stop a few time for water and just to rest and one final time for instructions on riding down the hill along side Garland Road. But they did beautifully, had a great time and got a little exercise. Hopefully we won't have trouble going to sleep tonight. It might not have been the smartest thing to do when you have bronchitis, but my body felt good getting the exercise - even if I can't breathe very well - and the weather was perfect. It was worth it because I had the best time with the boys.

On the mother-in-law front, we've just learned that she's had a heart attack this afternoon and is only using 35% of her heart - prayers are greatly appreciated. Her name is Betsy if you would like to personalize it - they are greatly appreciated.

Over the Counter Meds, Paranoia & untapped energy.

I'm sure I've mentioned on more than one occassion - medicine/drugs are not my friend. Especially decongestants. Well, with stuffed or blocked everything I just plain can't function without a decongestant. So I chose the one that does me the least amount of damage.

SURPRISE. I'm slightly paranoid. I said it, I also have boundless amounts of energy, am talking about 90 miles a minute. Unfortunately I have no one to talk to so its all in my head. I'm not sure that's a good thing, but I can't help it. I've decided to use it to clean. I don't think I've ever accomplished so much that didn't need to be done or doesn't show. Cleaned out and organized the pantry. I somehow managed to empty the dishwasher while my eggs were in the pan and I didn't burn them - SEE?!?! Laundry, car, paperwork, trash. I would deserve a reward if I was not sick, but sick, I deserve the Congressional Medal of Cleaning and if there is not one, they should make one, just for me.

Dear President Obama: The unemployed or SAHM of the world need a special award for their tireless work and no salary.....

AAAAAAAAHHHHH! The linen closet is calling.

Sick Bed

I went to the doctor this morning, because I woke up and felt like crap. I have no health insurance - DAMN ECONOMY - so I really have to feel bad to go. I have:

Bronchitis

Pharyngitis

A sinus infection

blocked eustation tubes

I got antibiotics & a 90 day supply of Xanax. I'm off to bed now.

NEWS FLASH

I feel sick. I sound two octaves and "throatier" than Kathleen Turner. My ear drums might explode and I am officially going to bed. It also hurts when I cough, so I'm trying not to do that.

Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up all better. If not, I'm napping the WHOLE time the kids are in school.

Seriously.

There is never enough padding.

I have a sensitive backside. What can I say - I'm a tough old bird, until it comes to my a**. I went bike riding Sunday, to the lake, then around the lake. I crapped out and decided that I couldn't make it up the big giant hill to come home. My husband was kind enough to come and pick me up and take me home - YEA HUSBAND! I'm pretty sure that I won't get that treatment a second time.

I've got a new back tire and today I went and got a big giant gel seat. It has been hell the past two days sitting on anything other than a pillow. Because my cheeks are still a little sensitive, I have a gel pad over the gel seat. I hope that will protect my precious trunk.

I'm going to start riding the lake a couple times a week in addition to my walking, so I can get the remainder of my baby weight off. I've gotten off 20 lbs so far. I'm looking forward to getting another 20 off.

Wish me luck.

Thank you allergens.

I had absolutely no sleep last night. NONE. Why, you ask? H2 had the attack of the great coughing fits. More like attack of the swollen nasal cavities.

WOOT!

Ok, maybe not woot, but if you heard all the strange noises coming from that boy last night, you would be saying strange things too. At one point every time he breathed out he made a sound like popping a bubble. I won't tell you what it was, because you'll probably taste a little vomit in the back of your mouth, but lets just say it's gross.

He just started coughing again. I'm going to have SO MUCH FUN at 2 am again.

To retaliate or not to retaliate

Remember Friday's blog: Bah Humbug. I think I can actually speak about the atrocities that occurred. I think, I'm not sure. We all know that I am not getting any younger. I wouldn't exactly call me ancient, but I'm no spring chicken. I still listen to "hip" music. New Music. I'm not like some my age who can't get out of their youth in the 80's. My true love is the Foo Fighters, and I'm trying to like Them Crooked Vulture. I love People in Planes, Muse, Flyleaf, Chevelle. I like me some music. I can still stay up late - yes, it might be because of the insomnia, but lets not go there.

Well, an agent in my office - you know the one I don't work in anymore - came up to me and told me she liked the grey streaks in my hair.

EXCUSE ME! GREY? STREAKS? WTF?

I nicely laughed and said they are there because I'm too cheap to color my hair. But I DO NOT have grey streaks. Yes, I have a few grey hairs. I have children for Christ's sake. Two, three if you include my husband, and I have earned these grey hairs. But seriously, who compliments another woman by saying how much they like their grey streaks? I should have slapped her or told her how much I liked the rolls around her ankles or maybe how much the age spots brought out the brown in her eyes.

The funny thing about this - she has a good 20 years on me. Does this mean I need to color my hair?

The Husband strikes again.

My husband has been home for 3 days. He's going to be home another 3 days. I'm going INSANE. Insane I say. Its not so much that he's home, but he could be doing a million things. The garage seriously needs to be cleaned out. The backyard is in need of some work. I could so use his muscle on the planter boxes that need to be torn down.

DO I GET HELP? NO! What does he do, play pinball on Xbox 360 all day. In his defense he did clean up the glass from when the window got broken by the soccer ball today. He took the wheel of my bike and got it fixed, but he can't get the wheel back on. I wonder if I tell him I won't cook the bacon & onion sausage until he gets my wheel back on will motivate him. HMM, we all know his feelings about bacon.

He also cleaned off the top of his dresser. What kills me, he just threw everything in a garbage bag. I could have done that, faster and without the look what I did speech. I also had to go into that garbage bag to get all the stuff (including H2's asthma spray) that shouldn't have been thrown away.

We all know that I suck as a housewife. I wish that I had some June Cleaver in me. Its a rare day that I actually can channel my inner June, but occasionally I can do it. He however needs to take a class to get to Homer Simpson. (Bbased on a true story.) Thank God he can make me laugh. Otherwise.......

Bah Humbug

Day 6 is a blogging bust. A BUST. I'm going to give up and try tomorrow.

I'mSoExcited.

OMG!Iwenttothearboretumtodayandsawthemodelforthenew
children'sgarden.HolyCarp!Ican'ttellyouhowexcitedIamaboutit.
Iwantittobuiltrightnow.Iwanttowalkthroughthepathandwatchmy
childrenlearnandseehowexcitingitisgoingtobe.Iamthinkinginmy
headasfastasyouarereadingthisentry.Iamtooexcitedforwordsthat
Ican'tusemyspacebar.

The things we do for our children

What in the holy hell did I get myself into today? My children share a room. Its all due to a mistake my husband and I made while house hunting, but that is a whole different story.

Anyway, my kids share a room. I am constantly changing that room because they are never happy. E has issues - he's like his momma - he worries about everything. Its too dark, something is going to come in the window, what if the cat is cold. H2 on the other hand is Mr. Hugs and Kisses, and really doesn't worry about anything (he gets that from The Husband). They have been bugging me for a month to move their room again. This time they wanted their beds together. So I started moving the bedroom today. 1st lets just talk the laundry involved in this. We all know Dijea doesn't like to do laundry. So this already threw the day in a tizzy. The new sheet, the new mattress pad the old sheets & blankets etc. I moved the dresser/desk & toy bin out so I could clean everything. I did the floors, baseboards, washed the curtains. I went to Home Depot got some zip ties and tied the twin beds together.

They loved it. 10 minutes after I turned off the lights they decided the bed was uncomfortable.

EXCUSE ME! ITS THE SAME STINKING BEDS, just tied together with plastic zip ties that cops tie up drunk people. How can they not be the same amount of comfortable that they were yesterday? I am still cleaning up the crap that didn't go back in their room and they are already wanting me to change it again.

It was a terrible no good very bad day, and I'm moving to Australia.

Day 3: A fabulous morning walk & laundry.

This was my view this morning. My path. I spent an hour an 20 minutes, walked 5 miles and it was refreshing. I should be able to do this every morning. What a beautiful day!

Now back to laundry.

Day Two: NaBloPoMo

For those of you not paying attention it is NATIONAL BLOG POSTING MONTH. Today is day two and much like the number my day has been all about seconds. Its like everything looks like its going to be great and it turns out to be not quite great but almost great. For example: Today was an amazing day. Perfect weather. Sunny 75 degrees. I worked a little, always like to be productive and bring home a little cash. Came home, ate a rather boring lunch - I thought it was going to be okay, but it turned out to be really unappealing.

Then I went out to take pictures because I'm also participating in Project 365. The premise is you take a photo(s) a day, read a page in your camera manual and look at an image every day of the year and you improve your photography. See my incredible fabulous photos here. I ran out - around the lake - took the every popular picture of my favorite foot bridge - then popped into the car to the bath house and bam did I hit the mother load - perfect shot of downtown over the lake - a ton of geese and 7 pelicans. I also brought my BIG LENS. Its a 1000 mm mirror lens my dad got back in the 70's. It fits my Nikon and shazam is a 1500 mm lens on the digital. Guess what haze. Everything was a hazy and with the big lens I couldn't get all of downtown. Can you believe it? I only got 3 buildings. I also went got some pictures of the pelicans, but I had the polarizing filter on and it just didn't work out right. I'm hard pressed to find what I want out of today's shots.

So I picked up the kids, my adorable little things mocked me at every turn. Do you homework was answered with, but Mom its nice outside. Don't you want us to spend time outdoors. Soon it won't be nice enough for us to get out of your hair. 1) WHAT? I mean seriously they are 6 & 8 where do they get this stuff? 2) Out of my hair is not a bad thing. Anyway soccer practice was cold and I was wearing flip flops. I ended up grabbing a pizza for dinner which blows the diet and when I had to go to Target for double sided tape for the PTA program entry I grabbed a bottle of wine, because well, its just been that kind of day.

This month better turn around soon, because between the Halloween candy and the pizza I may be in fat camp by December.

National Blog Posting Month.

Hello peeps! Have you missed me? I've missed you. Guess what? I'm going to be here everyday - yes, I said it EVERYDAY! Why you asked. Everyone always asked I'm going to join in and participate in NaBloPoMo. National Blog Posting Month.

Woo Hoo! I have absolutely nothing in my head about what is going to be posted. Suggestions would be appreciated. Also I foresee at least one nospacebar post and probably a few cooking posts as I will probably have to take over the cooking duties in the house. UGH! I'm so uninspired in the kitchen these days. But my husband likes to cook full fat, I've got to get out of the full fat dinners.

Don't forget to give me a little comment love. I am always more fun with comments. I challenge you all to do the same and join me in National Blog Posting Month.

Does this mean I watch too much Bones?

I am slightly obsessed with that fabulous little show on Fox - Bones. Well, over this year, thanks to TNT & my DVR recorded the first 3 seasons and have spent the last few months watching a couple of episodes a night. Unfortunately this has caused a few problems:

Problem 1: I'm an now even MORE obsessed than I used to be.

Problem 2: I only have 3 hours of HD recording left on my DVR and Season 4 starts on TNT Monday.

Problem 3: I am now dreaming about plot lines. Yes, dreaming about plot lines.

So last night after I drifted off to sleep after re-watching the Season 5 premier I had a dream about the flirtatious crime fighting duo. I woke up and sighed and wished that it would happen for real. If Hart Hanson hasn't come up with this idea, he is completely free to use my dream in the show. So you know how Booth kept checking on Bones when she identified her mother. Well, something bad happened to daddy. YES BAD. I don't know what, it was a dream. Anyway, instead of Booth going to Brennan, she went to him. She quietly sat down on the couch lifted up his arm, leaned into him with her head on his shoulder and stayed there until she fell asleep. Next thing in my dream it was morning and Booth was waking up on the couch with a crick in his neck and she started to stir.....and then the cat jumped on me wanting to go outside so I don't know how it ended. But it was hot. I know it would have been hot.

I need to get out more....or maybe get obsessed with House again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh! Wake up People

I was cleaning out my closet and found my soapbox. I don't often get up on said soapbox and rant and rave, but I just got off the phone with my grandma and well, it pissed me off. Not her, the media. My grandmother is 88 years old. She's pretty much house bound and gets everything she hears from TV. She believes everything she hears and ugh! I blame the media.

SHOCK JOURNALISM IS NOT GOOD. IT BREEDS HATE. IT GIVES FALSE IMPRESSIONS. IT TERRORIZES PARENTS.

I could go on and on and on. In the 60's, 70's and 80's you didn't hear about every single child abduction. I'm not saying that as parents we don't need to be worried, teach "stranger danger" or anything else, but the media scare the living daylights out of parents so that it seems kidnappers are on every street corner.

I've got kids running around my neighborhood with pellet guns shooting at other kids and mine. Because called the police (Is it wrong to rat out kids who behave this way?) the kid is now threatening to and I quote "barge into your house and beat the crap out of you, and your stuff." Violence breeds violence. I don't think many would disagree with me on that subject. So why does everything have to be so dang violent. We see nothing but the bad on National News, CNN, Fox. One channel criticizing another. Even in our government its all about power and knocking the other guy off the thrown. It disgusts me.

What really pissed me off is this new healthcare bill. While I agree there is a problem. The thought that the government is going to fine my family if we don't have healthcare is absolutely ridiculous. A while back I was employed, but due to rising childcare costs, I had to resign because I would have paid more for childcare over the summer than I made in salary. This month my husband's salary got cut by 30% - THIRTY PERCENT. With 2 unbreakable car leases and the company insurance for the whole family 1300 a month (I gave mine up so we are only spending $700 now) and no salary from me, and 30% less of a salary from my husband. We won't be able to afford healthcare. My husband has found another job, but healthcare won't be available for 3 to 6 months. I still won't have money in addition to our regular bills to pay for other healthcare until then. In an economic crisis - how can you fine people for not getting healthcare? Pray my kids don't get sick. Seriously.

I could rant, rave and but all it will do is raise my blood pressure. The problem is not getting healthcare - its having the insurance companies do what they are suppose to.

OH, and I have one thing to say to President Obama: Please be a better role model and refrain from using words like "Jackass" in public and with all this healthcare stuff going on you should really quit smoking. My kids commented the other day when they saw a picture of you "Look there is Obama with a cigarette, doesn't he know how stupid that is? Its gonna kill him." This from the mouth of an 8 year old.

Thank you for letting me rant - its cheaper than a therapist.

Goodbye, Gentle Giant

I lost a friend yesterday. I have to be honest, I hadn't seen him in a while, this sweet gentleman from my office. He could bring a smile to your face just seeing him, he always had a happy word, never passed without a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I found out this week he wasn't well, and set aside some time to make contact, I didn't make it by before he died.

I remember when his wife died of liver cancer. I remember when he first ventured out after than complaining about the crazy widow-women bring him dinner all the time. Although you know he appreciated it, he would make jokes about having to keep up with them and their dishes. My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard him telling those stories. In fact I'm smiling, and a little teary-eyed at the same time thinking about it. I remember fond evenings after work with him and two others at "The Slounge". Paul with his gin & tonic - I don't ever remember him drinking anything else - always asking how things were and making me laugh. He had an infectious loud laugh, rich and full. I remember one year at the Christmas Party he brought a bag of blinking rings, passing them out to the women of the office. I could talk for hours about this sweet wonderful man. But instead, I'm toasting your memory Paul, giggling at those silly questions you used to ask me and praying for your family.

He was almost always the tallest man in the room, but that's not what made him stand out. He was a truly wonderful man and I will miss him. Goodbye Paul.

NEWS FLASH, I really am too old for the military.

Could someone please tell me where all the time goes. Time used to go so slow when we were kids - now I turn around and its like a week later and I don't remember anything.

I've been trying to paint my bedroom for like three months. I have hunkered down the last week or so and done all the prepping. In fact this morning I finished the texturing and caulking. Now I have to tape off the trim for painting. I feel like I've made headway, however my cat is freaking out that the bed is in the wrong place. I can't sleep. Parts of my body hurt that well, shouldn't. My arms feel like noodles - my hand I think will never be the same after using the caulking gun. My butt feels like I've done a week on the stair climber. Seriously - its just prep work. I am either the most out of shape woman on the planet or I am old.

This morning I've made the kids breakfast, packed their lunches, dropped the kids at school - looked for the already missing lunchbox all over the school campus. I've made myself breakfast - started the dishwasher, finished caulking a window, textured the walls I patched. Started the laundry (YUCK!), taken out the trash. Its 9:23 am. I feel like a marine - you remember those commercials. We do more before 9 AM than you do all day. I hope it was the marines, maybe it was the army. For those of you that read regularly - you will know to say that I am not a morning person would be an understatement of vast proportions. I feel like I should get a nap, but I'm still wading through stuff all over the house. Maybe if I get off this computer I could actually accomplish the rest, maybe even bake a treat for the kids for when they get home.

Nah, my friend would say I'm scaring her and call me June Cleaver for a week.

While the kids are away....the mommies can play

It has been a little while since I posted last. One big change since the last time I posted:

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL!!!!!!

Holy Smokes it feels good. I'm trying to paint my bedroom - which has been a comedy of errors. Not that I'm screwing up its just every time I move a piece of furniture there is something else to patch, caulk or sand. Whoopee!

I have already been to the school 3 - that would be THREE - times today. Once for drop off, then off to a Bloody Mary party - I had a Mimosa (don't tell the principal). Then went back and organized school supplies. Brought home decodable readers that I tore out, folded and stapled. Sharpened pencils and went back up to the school to have lunch with both of my boys. Don't think I'm one of those over-achieving moms. I'm not. I'm more than happy to help out, of course it might be because I'm avoiding the mess that is my bedroom. I also am hoping that I'll be working soon and not have time to help out.

Who cares anyway, the kids are in school!!! The mommies can play again!

Maybe its a TOOMAH...

I think something is wrong with me. SERIOUSLY WRONG. I'm feeling lovey-dovey. Yes you heard me right. I want to hug people and talk to people. I actually wrote that I loved my husband on Facebook. How pathetic is that? I do love him despite his addiction to video games and horror flicks - both of which I could totally do without. Oh and his propensity to burp at the dinner table - sometime even burp a sentence. Yes, he communicates through burps, well sometimes.

I am sarcastic and strange. Creatively obnoxious and well just plain different. I AM NOT LOVEY-DOVEY. Although I am a hopeless romantic. Didn't see that coming did you?

Except for this break so far today, I am cleaning - I think I even hear birds chirping. You'd think I was in a disney movie, except there is no way I would look as good as Amy Adams in curtains or get birds, squirrels and cockroaches to help me clean. Wouldn't that be nice? I might even go grocery shopping on a Saturday. Just because.

Okay, maybe not.

I have volunteered to make school packets next week. Am thinking about cleaning out a closet oh, and I'm going to paint my bedroom. What the heck is wrong with me? SOMEONE BRING BACK DIJEA.

Dear Hanes:

I love the fact that you have come out with tagless t-shirts, underwear, etc., however I must say that your "tagless" underwear is not really tagless. WHAT?!?! you say? Its not - its a poorly designed (I really wanted to say crappy) iron-on patch that well, starts peeling after 1 washing and when it starts to peel - its starts to chafe. I'm just saying that there is a certain part of the anatomy you don't want chafing. I'm just saying that this is the reason I stopped wearing the really-really-really soft cotton underwear from gap body (which is really to die for) because their iron-on patch underwear started to chafe - now I am sad to say I purchasing some of yours just last month because I'd lost so much weight I went down a size in underwear (crowd cheers!!!!) I will have to dump them in a giant trash can because my I'm having a reaction to your peeling tagless underwear.

Feel free to fix it and send me some free ones, because I'm not buying ANY until I know they won't upset the delicate skin that is my sexy bum.

Thank you.
Me

I'll probably have to send a bottle of wine after this

I almost fainted a little while ago. Seriously fell out of my chair in shock after reading a friends Facebook update. She follows this blog, and will probably read this and its not like she didn't put this out there on Facebook so I'll cross my fingers I won't get in trouble for posting this...

SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO COLDPLAY IS.

Yes, you heard me right. I immediately offered to enroll her in the Dijea School of Music. I am known for coming up with obscure band that are then mainstream 6 months later. I La-la-love music and seriously need to burn her some CD's or something, but then I stop and I wonder if I actually did that would she listen? If she doesn't know who Coldplay is will she know other bands like Band of Horses or Keane, should I even try to introduce her to Chevelle or the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Maybe a little Ting Tings.

In her defense, she listens to NPR, but so does my mother and why anyone would want to learn things or stay updated in this incredibly depressing time is beyond me, but then I'm shallow and have no drive so I guess that is my answer.

What if she's never heard Radiohead or The Foo Fighters? OMG, Where are my smelling salts?

Why does this always happen to me?

There must be something wrong me - I know you've heard this before. Blah, Blah Blah Dijea is ranting again.

Well, I am.

I was suppose to go out of town today - leave the husband and take the kids to see Grandma & Papa. Well everything has gone to hell in a hand-basket. The SUV didn't get out of the shop, My phone has decided to absolutely stop working. Well, at least whenever it decides.

Just for the record this is the 4th iPhone I've had. FOURTH. My husband and I got ours at the same time. The first one I had to take back because it would never charge. Yippee!! The second one kept overheating and losing the touch pad. The third one had battery issues. Now this one is overheating and yesterday cut itself off. Completely. I didn't really want to go on a road trip with no phone. Understand? So instead I've fought with Apple for the better part of 3 hours over the stinking phone. I understand the warranty is for 1 year, but the phone I have is actually less than a year old, but apparently its out of warranty because the original one was bought more than a year ago. Does it make sense to you? Oh, and the supervisor was rude and said one of those impulsive we don't need your business kind of statements. NOT HAPPY! Not happy enough that I called corporate. I kinda feel bad, because he tried really hard to be nice he never raised his voice or anything, he just said the wrong thing at the wrong time then when I asked (more than once) for someone else, he refused to transfer me.

My husband never had a problem with his. I must be one of those people that has some weird magnetic issue. Timex watches never would work on me others yes, just not Timex. GGGGRRRRRRRRRRR! AGH! Any other noise that fits the mood, feel free to imagine.

Asserting Control or Just Stupidity

Can I just rant a little about Crosswalks, crossing the street & safety?

This morning I had to go to Walmart and had to fill up with gas on the way. 1st stop light I saw a couple - the husband was dragging the overweight and obviously handicapped wife across the street in the crosswalk. Why would I mention this - because it was against the light. What an idiot to literally drag a woman who is not capable of making fast time across the street against the light.

Then I got to the gas station and filled up and started to make my way to Walmart. Before I had fully exited the gas station there were two people crossing the street within 50 feet of the crosswalk. Seriously. Take a few steps and be safe. For that matter the little grey-haired grandma made me want to roll down the window and scream something about what a good example she was making for my children crossing in the middle of traffic not 20 ft. from the crosswalk. Instead I tried to avoid smashing her as she made her way across the street but not before she gave me a nasty look for not stopping and getting rear-ended by the big giant semi-barreling down upon me. Not a block down the road was another couple dragging their toddler across the street with them - seriously his feet were dragging against the asphalt - again 20 to 30 ft. down from the crosswalk in heavy traffic and against the light.

WHERE THE HELL DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? DO THEY CARE SO LITTLE FOR THEMSELVES THAT THEY ARE WILLING TO RISK THEIR LIFE OR DO THEY JUST EXPECT THE WORLD TO STOP FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY CAN'T WAIT 30 SECONDS FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE OR 10 STEPS TO GET TO THE CROSSWALK?

I counted in my 5 mile round trip at least 25 people crossing against the light and NOT ONE was in the crosswalk. Jeez, has common sense just blown out the window with common courtesy, brains and I don't know what else?

I'm pissed and I don't care who knows it

I was reading CNN yesterday, in fact here is a link to the story, talking about how a size 10 is really a size 14. So if I've lost 15 lbs and am making my way down to a size 10/12 that means I'm really a 14 and the damn fashion industry is trying to make me "feel good" about being a 10, but I'm really a 14 and crap - that means I'm still fat.

UNACCEPTABLE!

We as a nation, me included, are relying more and more on technology to get everything done. We have more and more to do - aren't getting anything for all the extra work. Remember the days when there were no cell phones and if you weren't at home or in the office, people couldn't reach you. OMG I wish those days were back. I mean imagine going for a walk and the phone not ringing, or driving without the phone (or ear jack) at your ear. I can walk down the mall and search the Internet and forward a contract or a photo or whatever while I'm running my errands and I wonder why I forget everything all the time. BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS TRYING TO DO TO MUCH AT ONCE and I'm all elated that I'm 2 sizes smaller when instead of being a 14 to begin with I was an 18 which means HOLY CRAP I'd let myself go.

Once upon a time I was a skinny girl with protruding hip bones and a concave stomach and 20 lbs under my "ideal" weight on that doctor's office chart. Now I'm more than 30 lbs over that ideal weight on that chart and the scary part is I'm happy that I'm not 50 lbs over it.

I am overweight, I know it but I am trying really hard to get back to a healthy weight and in a healthy way. I know that its not easy. I know that some people have issues about losing weight. My mother & grandmother have hypothyroidism. My father has diabetes. I've spent time cooking stuff that makes me pork up like a balloon because its what the kids or The Husband want. I don't fault anyone for being overweight because I'm there. But what really, really pisses me off is there is instead of trying to deal with the increasing size of America we are trying to make everyone feel better about their self by changing the size.

When is you-know-what is America and the rest of the world going to wake up and realize its not all about feeling good. Changing sizes to make people feel better is not going to get them healthy. Bailing out the banks is not going to solve the economic problem. Socializing health care is not going to solve the insurance crisis. Building debt is not going to help our nation. Bailing failing companies out is also not going to solve the world problems. And Congress has additional screwed up a BIG deal with laws regarding real estate appraisals that will set real estate back which will set back the economy.

It is all a giant screw up. Seriously.

I'm pissed that what I thought was a big giant step forward on my way to skinny is just a big giant lesson in retail deception.

FUNKIFICATION

I have been living on Twitter and Facebook and not so much ignoring my blog, but have a general lack of inspiration in blogging. I think its a trend running around a few of my regular bloggers.

I am in a Funk - yes funk with a capital F. Blah.....Meh.....Ugh. I feel blank. That is awful isn't it. Blank, which could be twisted to sound empty. And I don't feel empty - blank is a better word. Kind of like a blank canvas just trying to figure out what's going on it. I've been walking a lot and feel good in a body/mind/spirit thing - I'm just lost on putting it into words. Maybe I'm just processing it all. Maybe I'm out of words, maybe I'm just like every other person out there just struggling to make sense of it all.

Well, cyber therapists.........any thoughts.

Insanity, Bread Making & Vegetables

Well, I think I've gone completely insane. Yes, insane. I am sitting here typing a little about my day just so I can share the insanity. Everyone knows its more fun to be crazy in a group than separate.

I'm baking bread. BREAD. That wonderful fluffy yeasty goodness. I talked to a friend on the phone last night and told her I was going to bake bread today she said I was scaring her. Could me baking bread be that scary. Well, here is some more scary things: I've just made more pickled cucumbers, I have dinner plate ready for tomato & mozzarella salad tonight.

OK, here it is I'm trying to go vegetarian. I'm not going to completely give up meat, but in this heat and my plateau in the weight-loss front I've decided to cut it almost out of my diet. A little chicken here and there - some turkey lunch meat every so often. I just don't feel like the heaviness of meat everyday. Basically I think its just too hot to stand over a stove or a grill and cook.

Did I miss a sign from God?

Yesterday, the City Council overwhelmingly passed what I think is the stupidest piece of legislation ever. It affects the 416 houses of my neighborhood effectively forcing our neighborhood to remain nothing but one-story homes. The people for this legislation in our neighborhood wanted to maintain the feel of the neighborhood. I'm amazed sometimes at people's mind sets. Don't they know that the "feel" of the neighborhood comes from the people not the architecture. But I guess some people were behind the door when common sense was handed out.

Anyway - while this meeting was going on I was making myself lunch. I had a pot on the stove and couldn't find my pot holder so I used a dishtowel to take the lid off the pot. Does anyone see what's coming? Yes, the dishtowel caught fire. It was pure luck I walked back in to see the flames shooting up the side of the pot and manage to grab the dishtowel and make it out the backdoor without any damage to the house or my body. The dishtowel however is toast.

Did God save me from burning down my house or was he trying to save me from living in a crazy neighborhood by burning my house down? I wonder if I'll ever know.

Too bad I didn't have my camera.

I just had the most amazing evening. After The Husband cooked fajitas for dinner I quickly changed clothes and went for a walk. The first two miles were a nasty sweaty hot mess, but I worked it good. Mile 3 was OK nice starting to cool off and I got a nice 1/2 mile in the shade and the next 1/2 mile was relaxing and over a bridge with a beautiful view. It wasn't until I hit the last two miles of the walk that it got so fabulous.

What is so fabulous you ask? Besides me typing this when I should be showering the stank off me. The most incredible sight of the sun.

It wasn't one of those incredible sunsets full of color that makes you think the earth is going to burst into flames. No, first the lake was covered in sailboats. And the boats glowed with the orange of the sun. Then, the building across the lake lit up like the tombstones in the Ansel Adams photograph. Then the last mile after the sun went behind the trees. Everything was the most amazing color. The water looked like a mosaic of only peach and blue dots. There was a mother duck and her ducklings. The ducklings were so small they had to be "just hatched". The breeze kicked in and dropped the temp about 5 degrees and the last 1/4 mile the water turned more grey/blue with just a touch of sunlight here and there. It was a truly beautiful end to the day.

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Dad:

I want to take this opportunity to again say I'm sorry I didn't' get a card in the mail. I am quite possibly the worst daughter in the world, but this is about you and not me.

You have always been the most fabulous Dad any girl cold ever hope for. I got my most prized possession from you - my dry sense of humor. I also got my crazy hair from you - I'm not sure whether that is good or bad - I guess that really depends on the humidity. You are an awesome role model, a great dad, a fabulous Grandpa and well all around nice guy.

I love you Daddy!

I should never participate in a drug trial.

EXCUSE ME, I THINK I'M WIRED WRONG!

You probably think I'm exaggerating don't you? Well I'm not and I'll tell you why. I feel like I could fall asleep standing up. Seriously. I am exhausted. My eyes are burning, I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep. The problem is that when I do that, my brain decides to turn on. No train of though last longer than 30 seconds. Except when I get a food craving and we don't have it in the pantry. I can drink coffee and go to sleep. Yes, extra caffeine will immediately send me off to sleep. My best sleep is after breakfast with about 3 or 4 cups of coffee on a Saturday morning.

And don't get me started on medicines.

Benadryl - makes me WIDE AWAKE and makes me rock back and forth like an autistic child and my skin crawls.

That nasty stuff that is suppose to make you stay awake that's in decongestants - will turn me into a zombie not quite asleep, but the walking dead. Drooling. If it doesn't contain that thing that starts with a p - it wires me out to where I talk so fast if you were my employer you would send me to be drug tested.

Vicodin/Oxycontin (or any other narcotic I've been prescribed for pain) WIDE AWAKE. You would think after taking a baby out of my abdomen or a chunk out of my boob, that I would have welcomed pain meds and gone to sleep. No instead I'm a wired mess and wide awake.

The medicine that's suppose to help with RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) that makes you go to sleep makes me grind my teeth into dust.

If its suppose to make you sleep, it keeps me awake. If its suppose to dull the pain, it makes my skin crawl. If its suppose to take the edge off its like sucking on a lifesaver.

OMG you won't believe what I just did.

No,youwon't. Ijustcalledthepoliceonasolicitorthatcametomydoor. HeaskedwhyIwasmadathimandsaiditwasbecauseihadanosolititationstickeronmydoor.

Iaskedhimtoleaveandwhenhewouldn'tislammedthedoorinhisfaceandcalled911.

Heknockedonmydoortotellmecriminalscutthephonelinestodisableyouralarm.

Didn'twelearnthatonCSIorLaw&Orderorsomeonthercopshow?

ifigureditididthiswithnospacebaryouwouldreaditasfastasmyheartwaspounding.

I am officially married again.

Sometime in seventh month of my first pregnancy I got too fat for my wedding ring. Anyone who has ever been pregnant can understand that statement. Sometime between the 1st and 2nd pregnancy I lost enough weight to get it back on. I got pregnant again and somewhere in between the 1st and 2nd trimester I swelled up again and it hasn't been on there since.

Until yesterday that is.

Who gives a damn right? ME, I do. Why, because it means I have lost enough weight that the band my husband gave me 14 or so years ago, back when I was 125 lbs, hot and my boobs were still perky, fits again. I'm not claiming perky boobs or 125 lbs, but this in monumental to an over 40 mom of two who has been not so happy about her figure for a while.

Now if only my feet would go back to a size 8.

Margie the Great

Margie, the most wonderful woman in the world, saw my blog post a few months ago and she had brought back some Kiwi soap from New Zealand and that sweet thing gave up her Kiwi soap to me. ME!

CAN ANYONE BE A BIGGER ANGEL THAT THAT?

No, they can't. It was selfless and made me tear up just a little that someone would do that for me. Give up a treasure. She has to be the most wonderful woman in the Whole Wide World.

That's the way she rolls (pretty awesome isn't it?), and NO, you can't have her.

So apparently my husband does everything

Last night when my husband came home I jumped in my workout clothes and drove down to the lake. I walked a little over 5 miles the last mile or so was well, exhausting. I came home to him cooking dinner - so I got in the shower, then in my nightgown (yes, it was before 7 pm) and got in bed to "rest". I was tired after a hot 5 miles.

He also emptied the dishwasher while making dinner. He had the kids call me in for dinner. I ate, then went right back to bed. The kids followed quickly to "cuddle". AWE!! They wanted to cuddle with me. How glowy and love did this mommy feel.

Then in came The Husband: What's going on in here? You just leave me to clean up after I cook dinner? Jeez, I have to do everything.

None of us got up. Not one. Then I had the gall to ask him to make the kids lunches this morning and I heard it again. I wonder how long I can leave the laundry?

Free, I'm free

It's over, I'm free! Kinda, I know that makes absolutely no sense. I no longer am gainfully employed. One last paycheck is all I have left. I am so looking forward to not having to get dressed in the morning and being with the kids. And stuff and things.

Mostly the stuff and things. Its the best part. Don't ya think?

I'm going to take tons and tons of photos. I'm going to clean out the attic. I'm going to get rid of my junk. I'm going to sleep late. Shhh, don't tell the husband. I'm going to cook stuff from scratch. SCRATCH! No more boxed or packaged anything. Ok, that may be going a little far. I'm not sure I'm ready to make my own pasta but I will make my own bread. Yippee! Homemade bread. HMMMMMMM. Damn there goes all the work I've been doing over the last month or so to lose weight.

I just can't win can I? Who cares, I don't have to see anyone so I'm eating the bread. HEHEHE!

I already miss my paycheck though and my girls. I miss my girls. You know who you are girls. Even if you won't leave me a comment.

There is no title for this...

I am a little nervous today. Its my last day of official work. (Although I am scheduled to cover some vacation in July) I've been there 2 weeks shy of 14 years. Heck I was there before I met my husband. Scary isn't it. I met him 2 weeks after I started this job. That's a long time. I'm excited to have the opportunity to have the entire summer with my kids. I'm scared that I won't budget well or that we won't do well without my paycheck coming in. Not that 15 hours a week brings in a ton of money, but I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to continue working and that the wonderful place I've worked for has been as accommodating and understanding as it has. They took me from full time to part time after the kids were born. Its going to be a bittersweet day for me and I hope I get through it without tears - although I seriously doubt it.

Today just going to be tough no matter which way I look at it.

Random Facts of the Week

Exercise:

Monday: Walked 5 miles

Tuesday: Walked 3.5 miles

Wednesday: Walked 4 miles

Thursday: Skated 3.5 miles

Yea Weightloss!

Worked:

Tuesday - Friday (yes, I know its not Friday yet, but I will be working tomorrow.)

Yea Paycheck!

Sleep: None or next to none.

Boo!

Quote of the Week: Seriously hilarious, but can't admit that my son said that on this blog, so if you want to know check my Twitter account.

Snicker!

I am sweaty and currently drinking water out of a coffee cup, because we forgot to run the dishwasher last night.

Yea Us!

Just got Changeling in the mail from Netflix today, but will probably wait until Friday to watch.

Have a great weekend! Notice the positive attitude. Enjoy it, I'm sure it won't last - I'm high on endorphins after my skate.

I need a Mulligan!

To say this morning didn't start out well, is well, an understatement. The Husband had to be at work early so he was out the door before we were fully awake. At 7:20 we realized that H2's shoes were in The Husband's car. He was 25 miles north of where we were so that was a wash. I rushed everyone in the car and was backing out of the driveway when I realized Target didn't open until 8 AM.

FYI, its testing week, so late is NOT a good thing.

So I went back inside tried to deal with the Diana Ross hair I had this morning. Put the straight iron to it and swished a little mascara on. No, makeup for Dijea today. Then rushed and dropped E off at school. Then went to Target with H2 in a pair of socks. Finally got him a pair of tennis shoes that fit him and we walked to the check out counter with H2 in his sock feet. The cashier was kind enough to cut off all the tags so we could put them on right there instead of walking back to the car for me to cut them off. So I rushed back to the school - had to walk him in to sign the tardy slip. Then left my brand new sunglasses on the counter at the school. Luckily they were still there and the secretary is holding them at her desk for me.

I realized in my stress haze that I hadn't taken my blood pressure meds and they were back at the house so I rushed back to the house grabbed my pills and rushed to the office. Sigh...

All this before 9 AM.

Looking to the positives.

Well, it has been a tough week, and it's only Tuesday. I had to do something I hated yesterday. I turned in my notice. Yes, I handed in my resignation. I didn't want to. I love my job, but unfortunately the cost of childcare was far more than I made - on all the fronts I looked at. My mother even offered to come up and watch the kids, but her age, the distance she had to travel, the cost of gas and the fact she's already a caregiver for my 86 year old grandmother just wouldn't let me accept that option.

This June I would have been with the company for 14 years. That's a long time. They are like family to me and I've been lucky, lucky, lucky to work there. So far I've been offered the luxury of re-evaluation in the fall to see if there is anything available. So all is not lost - Hope is still floating around. I can't imagine working anywhere else, but I may not have a choice. We'll see what happens - keep your fingers crossed. And if anyone knows of any overnight or weekend work - I'm available. :) My husband will be taking up the slack, so everyone cheer for The Fabulous Husband, he deserves it.

So I guess I'm unemployed and not by choice, although I made it happen and if that's not confusing enough the loss of income will hit us harder than I like. I wasn't really working for fun or extras, we need the salary. Maybe it will give me a chance to clean out the attic and e-bay our junk away. It will give me a wonderful opportunity to spend the summer with the kids - although traveling with them will be limited. You will probably see tons and tons of entries on my blogs and the kids blogs. E wants to write books, so maybe we'll write an adventure story the three of us.

I'll bake and cook more -from scratch so feel free to forward some ideas to me. Hopefully write and take more pictures. Work a little on the house if I can afford to. Lose some more weight - chasing after the kids should keep me fit. Right?

Happy Mother's Day:

Dear Mom:

I wish you the happiest day of the year. I the first born, the one that caused the least amount of problems, always sat in the timeout chair. Didn't sneak-out. (other siblings - you know who you are) Yes, I was a moody teen, but this is not about me, this is about you.

Thank you for all the support, the love and the occasional cart of groceries. I couldn't have a better role model as I forge my own path in motherhood.

Thanks for everything! I love you!

p.s. I took the photo yesterday.

I'm hoping hives aren't contagious

I get to do something today that is not my favorite thing - in fact its probably not anyone's favorite thing except Oprah, Dr. Oz, various journalists. OK, some people have a knack for this, but I don't speak well under pressure. I would be much calmer in a combat triage center than I will public speaking today. Seriously.

Not something that calms my nerves or relaxes me. I have to, actually no, I'm choosing to because I feel that a bad zoning decision is being made in my neighborhood. Sometimes it amazes me the stubbornness and short-sightedness of people. I know everyone has a right to their opinion and I'm OK with that, but misinforming people about the legislation they are trying to pass the PRO side of the argument has well, riled-me-up - as they say here in Texas.

I am trying to gather all my brain-power to somehow maintain my train-of-thought, not blabber like an idiot and say "uh" about a million times. I am probably going to make my husband count the "uhs" I say. Its a running joke because every time I leave a message with anyone I say uh like a thousand times. So I'll be taking Deep Breaths, finding my inner politician oh and taking a little Xanax to keep me calm. Feel free to pray for me - I'm going to need it.

What would be perfect - a nice heckle from the other side. It would make our case stronger.

The one where I shared too much...

It amazes me sometimes the cycles that life goes through. I am finding myself in a very contemplative state wondering what direction to go and which path to follow. Sometimes I feel like a caged bird that opened its cage and sometimes I feel like a dog chained to a spike - allowed some freedom but limited.

I want to explore something different - find my true space in the universe. I know that sound bizarre because I am over 40 and should know what that is, but I don't. I have spent my life accommodating others. That sounds ridiculous doesn't it? I followed a job path my mother thought was acceptable. I always was afraid of disappointing her. I didn't finish college because I kept being pointed in the business/accounting/teaching direction. I am NOT by any means a left brained individual, but for some reason I felt it was more important to please others than please myself. Not that my mother ever forced her ideas on me, I for some strange reason felt required to follow her hopes for me. Maybe its just a fear of failure, so I follow someone else's ideas I can't fail with my own.

Now I am stuck in a horrible position of not doing what I love. Or even exploring what I like. I have an obligation to my family, one that will always come first as they are the most important people in my life. My husband, although a loud snoring individual, loves me and I want nothing more than to return that love in every way imaginable. My kids are a constant source of joy - even when arguing about who got more snacks or "special time" or who that stupid toy belongs to. My husband would absolutely let me try anything I want - he's that kind of guy. I thank my lucky stars I married him, even though he has an unhealthy obsession with video games and a rather off-color sense of humor and is as quick to temper as I am. I kind of like that off-color sense of humor, not so much the crazy songs he makes up.

I just wish that the economy wasn't so screwed up. That I didn't see the government making incredibly dumb decisions everyday. Where is it that we have to write all this extra crap into bills? Can't we just say NO and do only 1 thing at a time. I feel like we need to rebel against all the excess and just take it one thing/day at a time. I wish I could just do what I wanted instead of being responsible for so much. Yes, I'm trying to avoid cleaning the bathroom. Can you tell? It just frustrates the hell out of me to see so much crap being flung around in the name of all that is good in the world.

I find myself being pulled in a different direction. I've been walking and listening to some incredible music that puts me in a creative mindset. I've lot 10 lbs, I feel better, I want to just be me and not worry about responsibilities so much. Other than those I have to my husband and my kids. Its not that easy. Enjoy life and maybe, just maybe everything will fall into place.

Holycrapitshappenedagain.

Thespacebarisn'tworkingonlythereturnkey.

Whydoesithappen?

Iknowitsnothezombies,becausetheyarearecentaddition.

Areyoureadingfast?

Youguysusuallyreadfastwhenthereisnospacebar.

Oh,andthereisnoTVtoo,butthatisadifferentblogpost.

Have you ever just felt old

Sheena Easton is 50 today. 50. Do you know how old that makes me (or makes me feel). I'm hyperventilating.

My peaceful place

I like to walk the lake by the house. Its nice, peaceful. I saw a Duck with her ducklings coming out of the grass by the side of the lake. How can anyone's blood pressure go up while looking at this? Seriously. As I continued around the lake I walked thru the Fish Hatchery. I hadn't gone 50 yards into the hatchery when I saw this. OMG - I'm obsessed with dragonflies so I feel like this shot was a coup. Not my best - but, do you know how fast those suckers can be?

I saw this tree and it made me laugh. It looks like its crossing its legs. Have 2 Pee?

I also hadn't been through the hatchery since spring has well, sprung. I forgot how green and overgrown it can get. I had on cropped work-out pants and will probably end up with poison something. Below you can see my peaceful place. I love overgrown green spots. IT MAKES ME HAPPY! It lowers my blood pressure it makes me want to twirl around with my arms wide open and say thank you for such a beautiful scene. It was a cloudy day and it really was this dark. I was waiting for the fairies to come out - I guess they were hiding. I must not have been fairy worthy today.

I managed a full 5 miles around the lake, took about 200 photos. There a definitely a few frame-able. I'm kind of stingy with my really really good photos. I don't' know why - I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I know that is what I would eventually like to focus on, so I save them "just-in-case". But the better ones are on the photo blog. I just hope someone sees them and appreciates them and sees the beauty I do or even the beauty I don't.

Hope the world has a good week - I'm off to get a gauzy skirt and some Birkenstocks. Ok screw the Birkenstocks they are ugly. I'll get some Keene's.

Yea for me, Central Market & Earth Day.

If blogs were living breathing things, I think my blog feels neglected. Its been a week and I haven't posted mainly because well, I'm tired. To the Bone, ridiculously hammered - I have triplets, I'm breast-feeding and I have no help tired. My husband has gone from snoring in his sleep to sounding like a wind tunnel. Seriously - I AM NOT KIDDING. It woke me up last night after wine and a 1 mg. Xanax. That's a feat. I worked 10 days straight then had yesterday off - which I barely accomplished anything past clean underwear and dishes. I was suppose to have today off too, but I got called in (certainly won't complain about work in this economy - keep it coming) and after than spent 3 hours at the kids school with the Book Fair & a helping out a sub in H2's class.

OMG - There is not enough mind numbing drugs in the world to make me want to teach kindergarten. After less than 30 minutes in that classroom I have felt like I'd I was being chased by the Terminator in a Tornado with Emeril screaming BAM every 5 seconds. It was like they all had ants in their pants. Holy Moly - I will pray everyday for the sanity of Kindergarten teachers. THEY NEED IT.

I did manage to trade in some plastic bags and get a new re-useable bag made from recycled water bottles from Central Market for Earth Day. Yea Earth Day & Yea Central Market. Yea extra money in the next pay envelope and Yea For me because I had the absolute best comeback on someone's Facebook entry. Sometimes a day just comes together.

I have no title - I'm blocked or something

I am so having an identity crisis. I just thought you should know; it seems lately I've lost my "crappiness" and turned into all hearts and flowers and logicalness. What is wrong with me? I feel kind of like this flower I saw yesterday - waiting for someone to find me so I can make their day.

Maybe its just writers block. Its not like I haven't always been sweet and loyal and opinionated and stuff - I just miss my edge. Maybe its this dang medicine making me all normal or messing with my blood pressure or my mind. Do you think if I took a printout of my blog to my doctor he would then agree with my desire to not take pills?

I just had to delete like 3 paragraphs because I went on some strange off shoot train of thought about being my own therapist. Then there is that whole Tea Party & media "Teabagging" mistakes. I think they just like being able to say Teabagging without getting into trouble, or maybe they just don't know what it means. Anderson Cooper knew what he was saying though. I'm telling you he did, he had that look.

On a lighter note, this was my view yesterday after dinner we went to the lake to enjoy the sunset. Makes the day end on a positive note.

Apparently, I am evil and dumb......

I find it amazing at how many people will hate you because you have an opinion. I am a human being with feelings, thoughts. I love my family, my friends, my kids. I have made fabulous friends here on the internet that sometimes make me laugh when I need it. Raise their hands in defiance when I need them, laugh at my dry sense of humor.

I live by the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Would you hate someone and talk nasty to someone just because their opinion differs from your own? Would you hate me because I didn't vote for the same guy for President? Would you hate me because I believe that anyone should be able to get married regardless of their choice of mates? Because I am a proud support of gay rights. Would you hate me because I am a christian? Would you hate me because I don't like peanut butter?

I, no matter who and what you believe in, will ALWAYS believe that you have the right to your opinion, the right to your beliefs. And I will never think less of you because of it. I only ask that you show me the same respect. That's all. Is that really to much to ask?

The one where I got high on life

For 3 out of the last four days I have walked around the lake. Friday night I did almost 5 miles. Sunday I did around 3.5 - that day I just had The Husband drop me off and I walked home. Today I did about 2.5 miles. The Husband dropped me off and picked me up. I did take some cool pictures today. Baby turtles, an old railroad bridge and some other surprises.

I'd really like to lose some weight and have had no luck what so ever, so if I have to force myself to walk around the lake 4 times a week. I will do it. I get bored walking around my neighborhood, but when I hit the trail at the lake I could walk for hours. It gives me such a sense of peace and contemplation, I kind of kicked myself that I didn't take a notebook so I could just stop and write some of my thoughts down. Now, all I have is noise - thank you children & husband, so all that profound philosophizing I was doing in my head has blown somewhere in the back of my mind where it is quiet. Next time I am so taking my notebook. Don't for get to check my photo blog and see what I saw today. I even kept it in color.

I am also surprisingly upbeat - God only knows why, but I am maybe it exercising endorphins. That's a scary thought isn't it - me and endorphins. Its like a natural high man......

Next thing you know I'll be wearing a hemp skirt and Birkenstocks.

Apparently, I've been a bad, bad girl.

Hi! I'm Dijea and apparently I have high blood pressure. So my doctor put me on some beta blockers and I'm pumping up the Xanax so I can stay calm because apparently its all stress related. I got a call around 5 and it was his nurse, who says, "You've been a very bad girl."

Now stop for a second. I may or may not have been a very bad girl - but how does she know?

I say "what is it?" knowing that it is related to the blood work he took.

"Your cholesterol is high"

"High?"

"Yes, high. Its 218."

A big sigh of relief comes out of my mouth. "That is not high."

Well, at least not for me. My high is 247 - my low is 149. Shoot, my husband has me beat by at least 30-40 points. I never did let her get out what my bad cholesterol was nor did I ask her if anything else came out bad. I guess I'll have to call back. He wanted to put me on Lipitor. I am anti-medicine. The fact that I am actually taking three pills a day. I'm suppose to be taking 4 according to the doctor, but there is NO way I'm taking 3 Xanax a day. I'd be a walking Zombie with high blood pressure.

I told her NO and to give me 30 days to get it lowered and if he still felt that I needed to go on it, I would without argument. So apparently I am going to be eating steel cut oats for breakfast, fruit for lunch and Cheerios for dinner. And apparently I'll be exercising a million hours a day. If anyone has any other ideas, I will gladly accept them. I don't eat fish - or anything that lives in water - so don't go there. I won't do it. I don't care what anyone says. I will probably go vegetarian - or next to no meat. UGH! I love my eggs in the AM and cheese, my beloved cheese.

I am warning you I will probably be a big giant you-know-what for the next month. I would avoid me if at all possible or bring me cuddly furry things or wine or maybe a nice candle. Viggo would be nice too. Hopefully the hubby won't mind. I bet two weeks into this extravaganza he will probably try getting in touch with Viggo himself. (OK, slight fantasy there but I need something with this grim outlook).

Weekend Update

Well, its been an interesting week. My blood pressure was through the roof last week. WAY TOO HIGH. I do have an appointment with the doctor this week to address that and my stress levels. I'm not sure where its all coming from, but in my case, probably all sides. Hehe! Hey, I'm laughing.

I had a nice bike ride today that has reduced my outgoing stress a little bit. I feel a little more relaxed, but my jaw and shoulders are still tight, so its really just hidden. I wanted to keep going, but the kids and The Husband, were like "my legs hurt". Whimps!

Someone told me I looked like I lost weight. HAPPINESS, True Happiness. (and I will probably ride my bike everyday for like a week.)

Took a bunch of random tractor pictures. I think I need to do a series of Tractors. What do yo think? Here is my first one.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh!

Today is one of those days where I just want to scream. I feel like a failure of epic proportions and want to run to the nearest cave and hibernate until my children are 18. I obviously don't have the skills to be a mother. I love them, I love my husband, I love my family as a whole, but I fail them everyday.

I try so hard to get them to understand what is important and what is not. How to brush their teeth, why we can't replace the toy they just broke because they refused to take care of it. I sit here with tears streaming down my face knowing that I lack the something that gets through to them. I try, but they think its funny to ignore me. They think its funny to squirt all the toothpaste all over the sink instead of brush their teeth. They think I should keep up with their homework. That I am expected to not only do their laundry - but find out where they put the dirty stuff (because it's not in the laundry basket). Yes, I realize they are boys and that some of that is expected but that doesn't mean they can't learn a little responsibility.

My husband just wants peace and to not have to be the bad guy - I so understand this and wish that I had the option to do the same thing, but I am one of those people who hold the weight of the world on their shoulders and worry about everything. And today, I just want to give up. I talk and no one listens, they just tune me out or continue with the conversations with each other completely ignoring me and my pleadings. I am constantly doing the same thing over and over. I feel like I have no control over anything, but all the responsibility.

My children are old enough to have responsibility - and yet as hard as I try to enforce that, it doesn't work. I hear about my nephew who can sew buttons and I think, my youngest still says he can't button a button - and he doesn't want to learn. He wants tie shoes, but doesn't want to learn to tie.

I know that every mother feels this way at some point. Well almost - I'm sure there are a few perfect ones out there. Today, I just feel like a failure, and maybe I'm just expecting too much. I don't know - today is just not my day. Thanks for letting me vent - I will try to be funny and humorous tomorrow, today I'm going to pout.

Weekend Update

Yesterday I tried deep conditioning my hair. I don't know what the heck is going on with my hair. Its like a rats nest. It is so dry and frizzy. This is not my hair. I spent an hour with my hair full of coconut oil and then wrapped in cellophane as a pre-conditioner. Then washed and dried it. It felt softer, but still frizzy as hell. So today after the walk and I got in the shower, I used my hydrating hair masque. Its still frizzy as hell and even my chi won't take out the curl. I swear its going to fall out. The ONLY thing I can think of is hormones. Seriously. Feel free to give me any advice you can. I'll take it. Heck, I'll try anything these days. I look so awful.

Today, I had a full day. I got up early and cleaned up a mess then went back to bed. Got up, ate a nice breakfast while the boys were visiting Bubbie. Then they came home ate lunch and we all went to the lake. I probably walked 5 miles. My you-know-what is feeling it too. We walked a little with only E riding the bike, then we went for a little water and with The Husband on the scooter and the boys on their bikes rode another four miles while I walked. I walked the same amount they rode so my bahookey (as H2 would say) is feeling it. I don't exactly have J Lo's hind end yet, but one day.....

It was so cold and nasty yesterday, while today was absolutely beautiful; and there was so much to look at while walking around the lake. Families, bikers, walkers, joggers. The sailboats on the lake were beautiful and colorful. A real stress reliever for sure. My only complaint was not having my camera, but I don't think I would have exercised nearly as well.

I also did a 400 person database with full addresses & e-mails. That will be a few bucks in the wallet that will be most welcome. I read a little Jane Austen and I'm looking forward to curling up in the bed for more book.

All-in-All a mighty fine day. Just wish I had gotten a picture of those sailboats.

I NEED some stuff.

I want to help the economy I really do, but everything I want is from New Zealand. OK, there are a few things from the US, but if I'm going to indulge - this is what I want.

Art a Face

Yes, its skin care, but not your average skin care. I started looking up New Zealand Wine Soaps - which they make in Chardonnay, Pinot Noir & Pinot Grigio. Then I found this cool Kiwi Soap Bar then I found Art a Face. OMG! I must have it all. Check it out. You will want it too. Its expensive - and I don't have the money to get the whole line, but I want it. B-A-D. I also have family there and they are coming I think in May, but unless by some miracle I win the lottery or something I don't think I'm getting any.

~sigh~

I might manage the Kiwi soap and the Wine Soap, but I think I'll have to go there and get the other stuff. When I'm rich and powerful or something.

HELP!

I cannot get the theme song to The Jeffersons out of my head. I can't! Its driving me crazy. Over and Over and Over all I hear is..."Well, we're movin' on up...." The only thing I can think of to get it out is to sing Barry Manilow - but I'm not sure if that's not worse.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Mike Rowe! My favorite eye candy (next to my husband of course).

Almost as good as only shaving one leg....

I wore my “Vegas” outfit to work today. I always get at least one compliment when I wear it. Yes, those that know me know I need a visit from the fashion police or maybe What Not to Wear. I think its more my 40 year old awkward, I mean sagging, body and my cheapskatedness (yes, it’s a word) and not my fashion sense but I am not wearing Spanx so I can sweat all day long and look a little better.

Anyway, I wore my brown pants with my tank and a very colorful and long blouse over that. My blouse kept going to one side all day long instead down the center. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong except that it had to be my boobs. Then it hit me – My boobs are lop-sided. There is no other excuse, I mean why would it keep catching to the left. I look down and the scoop neck of the tank was actually crooked and down an inch lower on the left than the right. I threw my arms up frustrated and G – my girl G, she’s the best and always has a smile for everyone (she glows – no joke) anyway G, want to know what’s up and I said my boobs are uneven. If she had had a glass of milk it would have come out her nose. Seriously, I thought she might wet her pants she didn't stop laughing for a long time. I didn't think it was that funny, but a laugh is a laugh.

The next few hours were so frustrating because the damn shirt kept moving to the left and about 30 minutes before I was off I looked down again and noticed my tank was on backwards. Yes, backwards. Almost as good as shaving one leg, but not quite.