The Yard Retard & More Exciting Tales

I can feel that today is going to be one of those days. The Yard-Retard's sprinkler system was going off as I tried to get into the car today to take the kids to school and me off to work. Yes, I said it, The Yard Retard. Its true. Our next door neighbor is a total Yard-Retard. I mean we have this guy who lives across the street - nice as pie lives by himself, never opens his eyes and mows his yard with an electric lawn mower. He pulls it instead of pushing it across his lawn and even he is brighter than the Yard-Retard.

The ever famous Yard-Retard won't plant normal grass in his yard, he has to plant grass that grows on a golf course so he can mess around with his clubs. Its doesn't matter that his yard is so small that he really can't do that, but you know golfers. Anyway he waters this yard 3 sometimes 4 times a day and all it looks like is an old man with plugs. Yes, its like one blade of grass per square inch. Why, because golf course grass (or at least the kind he plants) doesn't do that well in Texas. Its is HOT in Texas and it doesn't like the heat. It looks completely ridiculous. He's had landscaper after landscaper out to find out why his grass won't fill in only to be told he needs to plant Bermuda or St. Augustine which he steadfastly refuses.

Well anyway back to the story, I couldn't get in the car because Mr. Yard Retard can't fix his sprinkler system to not water my driveway and my car. So as I walk out in white pants to get in the car I had to wait for his sprinkler system to turn off before I could run off. My big purse was attacking everyone I got into close proximity to, I was too loud in my office and was told to keep it down. I am loud, I can't help it so whoops - I promise to do better. Charlotte informed me "I needed to put the coffee down". Oh, and then I get a really nice panic attack. Its not even noon. Hopefully, my day will not continue on this path. I feel like I'm living in a commercial for Murphy's Law or bad Karma.