AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh!

Today is one of those days where I just want to scream. I feel like a failure of epic proportions and want to run to the nearest cave and hibernate until my children are 18. I obviously don't have the skills to be a mother. I love them, I love my husband, I love my family as a whole, but I fail them everyday.

I try so hard to get them to understand what is important and what is not. How to brush their teeth, why we can't replace the toy they just broke because they refused to take care of it. I sit here with tears streaming down my face knowing that I lack the something that gets through to them. I try, but they think its funny to ignore me. They think its funny to squirt all the toothpaste all over the sink instead of brush their teeth. They think I should keep up with their homework. That I am expected to not only do their laundry - but find out where they put the dirty stuff (because it's not in the laundry basket). Yes, I realize they are boys and that some of that is expected but that doesn't mean they can't learn a little responsibility.

My husband just wants peace and to not have to be the bad guy - I so understand this and wish that I had the option to do the same thing, but I am one of those people who hold the weight of the world on their shoulders and worry about everything. And today, I just want to give up. I talk and no one listens, they just tune me out or continue with the conversations with each other completely ignoring me and my pleadings. I am constantly doing the same thing over and over. I feel like I have no control over anything, but all the responsibility.

My children are old enough to have responsibility - and yet as hard as I try to enforce that, it doesn't work. I hear about my nephew who can sew buttons and I think, my youngest still says he can't button a button - and he doesn't want to learn. He wants tie shoes, but doesn't want to learn to tie.

I know that every mother feels this way at some point. Well almost - I'm sure there are a few perfect ones out there. Today, I just feel like a failure, and maybe I'm just expecting too much. I don't know - today is just not my day. Thanks for letting me vent - I will try to be funny and humorous tomorrow, today I'm going to pout.

Weekend Update

Yesterday I tried deep conditioning my hair. I don't know what the heck is going on with my hair. Its like a rats nest. It is so dry and frizzy. This is not my hair. I spent an hour with my hair full of coconut oil and then wrapped in cellophane as a pre-conditioner. Then washed and dried it. It felt softer, but still frizzy as hell. So today after the walk and I got in the shower, I used my hydrating hair masque. Its still frizzy as hell and even my chi won't take out the curl. I swear its going to fall out. The ONLY thing I can think of is hormones. Seriously. Feel free to give me any advice you can. I'll take it. Heck, I'll try anything these days. I look so awful.

Today, I had a full day. I got up early and cleaned up a mess then went back to bed. Got up, ate a nice breakfast while the boys were visiting Bubbie. Then they came home ate lunch and we all went to the lake. I probably walked 5 miles. My you-know-what is feeling it too. We walked a little with only E riding the bike, then we went for a little water and with The Husband on the scooter and the boys on their bikes rode another four miles while I walked. I walked the same amount they rode so my bahookey (as H2 would say) is feeling it. I don't exactly have J Lo's hind end yet, but one day.....

It was so cold and nasty yesterday, while today was absolutely beautiful; and there was so much to look at while walking around the lake. Families, bikers, walkers, joggers. The sailboats on the lake were beautiful and colorful. A real stress reliever for sure. My only complaint was not having my camera, but I don't think I would have exercised nearly as well.

I also did a 400 person database with full addresses & e-mails. That will be a few bucks in the wallet that will be most welcome. I read a little Jane Austen and I'm looking forward to curling up in the bed for more book.

All-in-All a mighty fine day. Just wish I had gotten a picture of those sailboats.

I NEED some stuff.

I want to help the economy I really do, but everything I want is from New Zealand. OK, there are a few things from the US, but if I'm going to indulge - this is what I want.

Art a Face

Yes, its skin care, but not your average skin care. I started looking up New Zealand Wine Soaps - which they make in Chardonnay, Pinot Noir & Pinot Grigio. Then I found this cool Kiwi Soap Bar then I found Art a Face. OMG! I must have it all. Check it out. You will want it too. Its expensive - and I don't have the money to get the whole line, but I want it. B-A-D. I also have family there and they are coming I think in May, but unless by some miracle I win the lottery or something I don't think I'm getting any.

~sigh~

I might manage the Kiwi soap and the Wine Soap, but I think I'll have to go there and get the other stuff. When I'm rich and powerful or something.

HELP!

I cannot get the theme song to The Jeffersons out of my head. I can't! Its driving me crazy. Over and Over and Over all I hear is..."Well, we're movin' on up...." The only thing I can think of to get it out is to sing Barry Manilow - but I'm not sure if that's not worse.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Mike Rowe! My favorite eye candy (next to my husband of course).

Almost as good as only shaving one leg....

I wore my “Vegas” outfit to work today. I always get at least one compliment when I wear it. Yes, those that know me know I need a visit from the fashion police or maybe What Not to Wear. I think its more my 40 year old awkward, I mean sagging, body and my cheapskatedness (yes, it’s a word) and not my fashion sense but I am not wearing Spanx so I can sweat all day long and look a little better.

Anyway, I wore my brown pants with my tank and a very colorful and long blouse over that. My blouse kept going to one side all day long instead down the center. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong except that it had to be my boobs. Then it hit me – My boobs are lop-sided. There is no other excuse, I mean why would it keep catching to the left. I look down and the scoop neck of the tank was actually crooked and down an inch lower on the left than the right. I threw my arms up frustrated and G – my girl G, she’s the best and always has a smile for everyone (she glows – no joke) anyway G, want to know what’s up and I said my boobs are uneven. If she had had a glass of milk it would have come out her nose. Seriously, I thought she might wet her pants she didn't stop laughing for a long time. I didn't think it was that funny, but a laugh is a laugh.

The next few hours were so frustrating because the damn shirt kept moving to the left and about 30 minutes before I was off I looked down again and noticed my tank was on backwards. Yes, backwards. Almost as good as shaving one leg, but not quite.

I have this other passion....

I'm not sure if you guys love me for my incredible writing talent, my quirky personality or my stupid husband stories; but does everyone know I like to take photos? I do have a photo blog if you haven't checked it out, please do. I don't normally post photos on this blog, but this one I just love. I'm not sure what it is, but I could just stare at it for hours. Opinions? Criticism. Raves? Wanna sign me for a photo book deal? If you like this check out the photo blog. Then you can sign me to a book deal. I would be OK with that. Or if you just want something for your wall.....

I even took the picture on my twitter background. You can check that out too.

My week, a blow-by-blow account

Oh my what a week! I wish I could truly explain the incredible craziness that was this week, but I don't think you would actually believe me. Monday - WORK. Tuesday, I was overwhelmed and I can't even begin to tell you about my Tuesday I went and measured a 12,000 square foot house. Yes, I just said 12K. Do you know how big that actually is? It was still under construction and the builder was late and her favorite adjective was "very-expensive" all I heard was, "All I know is its very expensive." I thought I might puke. Here I am living in 1461 square feet with three boys and three cats and I can't take two steps without tripping over something and I'm walking thru a house that I could put my house twice in the basement alone.

We don't get many basements in Dallas, especially full basements due to the fault line that supposedly runs thru the Mid-Cities and well there are like a million lakes around the Metroplex and foundations are messed up all the time. So its really the exception to the rule. Anyway, this house has like 6 bedrooms, 9 baths, a wine cellar and wine tasting room, a full bar, a panic room, a music room, a fully floored attic. Separate his and her baths and the shower in the Wife's bathroom is bigger than my closet. Her tub has its own room. It nice, French Architecture which is OK, but I prefer something a little more Frank Lloyd Wright.

Tuesday I also had to meet with about a million people at H2's Elementary school about his vision. We are still having issues with defining him. They say intellectually he's one of the smartest in his class, but the vision issue they are trying to figure out if it 504's him or Special Ed's him. UGH! Its frustrating.

Wednesday cleaning all day and I didn't have anything to show for it. Thursday Work & Teacher conferences. E needs to be quiet and check his work and H2 TPRI tests - 100% in math. YEA!

Friday I worked & I looked at another house. So more my style. It was a duplex about 2200 ft per side. FABULOUS! Old world charm. Dark stained wood, solid arched doors windows wood and iron, like stained glass but no color. Beautiful! I wish I could afford to buy it and convert it to single family but I don't have 7 figures. It sucks living in a town where your 1461 square foot house is worth more than the average home. I could buy twice the house in say San Antonio for the same amount I could sell my little pee wee starter house here in Big D.

Today has had me wishing for a do-over. I couldn't get out of bed. Work was work. The weather sucked! I lost my cool with my kids and my husband. I really wasn't mad, just majorly frustrated and when you live with three guys they don't understand women's hormones and frustration, they just see mad. Hopefully one day (I'll probably be on my death bed) they will understand my brain. BTW - all the cats are dudes too and even though they are fixed I'm horribly outnumbered. I've also barely had time to think, much less blog, but I hope I can catch up soon.

My computer is home and upgraded

So my computer is home, yea! And somehow the nice guys at the Apple store managed to save my photos - ALL 45 GB of them. THANK YOU APPLE GUYS (AND GIRLS)! I really am very thankful. XOXO

Unfortunately, they did not save my iTunes library. Now I'm told that I can get that back - at least what I purchased, but some of the stuff was things I uploaded that I had actually bought the CD and then sold said CD.

Dijea is very sad right now and can't come out of her brain so I will do the talking for her.

Damn, that was scary! OK, anywho - I know have the Beta version of Safari 4. OMG so much fun. There is this button on the tool bar and it takes you to the Top Sites for the computer and it looks all cool. That is the proper technical term too - COOL. Yes, I am a dork, but I'm so excited that my brain is not working right. It shows you a grid of your top 12 sites you visit. It looks like stuff does on the movies when they have a bunch of different sites up at once. And iPhoto 9 has face recognition. And....

I'm just going to stop now, because I am the biggest dork in the universe and I should stop before my followers all leave me for more sane bloggers. Remember - I can be witty and funny, so you could miss something in the future if you leave me.

Important: A must read

I bet that made you jump to the next or back button on your Internet browser. DON'T. This really really is important. I need to let you know that if you haven't backed up your computer lately, run, do not walk to the closest store and get a back up drive and back up your computer.

Remember how I've been saying my computer is in the shop. HARD DRIVE FAILURE. Its only a year old. A year. You don't really think "my hard drive might fail I should back it up" because its only a year old. So people, do yourself a favor and get your stuff backed up.

NOW, before its too late.

I really need my computer back.

Imkindofgoingalittlenutsrightnow. MycomputerisintheshopandIhatethelaptopIhavetoworkon.
Itsuckssomethingterrible. AllofasuddenIenduponsomeweirdpageandIdon'tknowhowIgotthere.
Mustwaittuntilcomputercomesoutofshoptomakesenseagain.

Dear Blogger:

Blogger, bless me for I have sinned, its been 9 days since my last post and all hell has broken loose. My youngest has had a fever for 6 days. We are scheduled for the doctor (again) tomorrow because this is just too long. I have gone insane being home this many days with a sick kid and chosen to clean their room and re-arrange furniture.

Only you mothers would understand the total disgust I discovered when I moved the beds. I will save you the horror, because let me tell you - IT WAS BAD!

I was actually contemplating multi-dosing of tylenol and motrin Friday morning so that he could go to school and I could go to work, but at 4:30 when his fever shot up over 101 - well, that flew out of the window. I will now have to go talk with the principal because of his absences this semester. Oh, lovely day.

On a lighter note, I get to take Cagey - the baby kitty - back to the vet for another antibiotic shot as some stupid cat in the neighborhood beat the you-know-what out of him last night. I found him on the porch and he came in right away, which should have sent lightbulbs flashing in my brain but I was in a I've had a sick kid all week fog and it didn't register. I would have taken him last night, but I had a few glasses of wine and decided it would be best not to drive. 7 pm was the earliest I could get in today.

Well, thanks for visiting with my blogger. I'll look forward to next time.

Trail Blazing - Its not for sissies.

I hate snakes, I H-A-T-E them.  That might not be a very politically correct statement, but in my case, its a true statement.  True pretty much trumps anything "politically correct".  That being said, I'm going to tell you about my day beginning with the night before.  And no it does not involve THAT.  Get you head out of the gutter.

Yesterday, I picked up my kids from school and to make a long story short - my youngest's teacher seems to be picking on him.  Apparently she called him "slow".  Now this would piss off any normal parent, but me - I pretty much am so overprotective of H2 that my husband usually has to tell me to back off.  He's remarkable. He's wonderful, but starting from day one (and I mean conception) he's had a rough ride.  He was lacking amniotic fluid in the womb, he was born 5 weeks premature, he is legally blind without corrective lenses, he has fused teeth (don't ask) and a tendency to be a klutz.  He gets that last part from me.  

Anyway I am seething, mad, whatever you want to call it these days and just couldn't let it go, so I took myself to the gym - I mean I should make this work for me right?  So after cooking a really healthy dinner, I took myself to the gym to work off my anger.  Apparently it worked.  I came home, took a shower and after putting my little angels to bed, I crawled in bed to watch a previously recorded episode of House and didn't even make it through the first 30 minutes.  I didn't finish my wine either.  A major sin I know - I am still working on penance.  So after sleeping with the television on for about 4 hours I cut it off, rolled over and WOKE UP.  All I could do was argue with various members of the staff and little H2's school.  

Apparently in this giant mess, I failed to bring my phone in to the bedroom.  It doubles as my alarm clock so when it went off this morning I basically didn't hear it for a bit and then OH CRAP! that's the alarm, where is my phone, etc. etc. etc.  I hauled everyone out of bed and somehow we made it out and to the evil elementary school.  I parked and walked the kids up which confused them because I normally drop them at the curb.  I told them I had to drop off something and parked myself outside of the counselor's door.  We had a nice talk, I made the comment that the teacher was not following the guidelines that we had set for my visually impaired child and that she was calling him derogatory names that were prejudicial to his handicap.  Do you like that prejudicial to his handicap?  I was kind of proud of myself for that.  Anyway she promised to do something - I gave her a week.  The principal was gone today and I am promised a phone call by tomorrow.  We'll see how that goes. 

I then of course had to "de-stress" so I took my fancy camera and off I went to the arboretum.  Can't be made surrounded by gorgeous gardens and flowers.  It just doesn't work.  Then I ran over to the lake and went exploring in the fish hatchery again.  Did some trail blazing, Yippee!  The problem with that was that I walked into a nest of snakes.  Yes, I said that a nest of baby snakes.  I think I actually broke the record for the standing long jump, but as there was no one there to actually measure the jump I will never get the credit I deserve.  I mean I jumped about 1/2 a football field, or just a little less, but it was far.  REAL FAR. 

 You must check my photo blog, there will be some good stuff popping up for a while.  I enjoyed myself there too.  I came home only to eat and do a quick clean up and got a fabulous idea to take the kids back to the arboretum for an afternoon of frolicking, it was after all a balmy 70 degrees today.  I packed up a few snacks all three cameras and some shorts and T-shirts for them to change into.

We walked everywhere and they spent a good 30 minutes rolling down the soft green grass hill and laughing.  It was a wonderful afternoon.  One I'll have to repeat soon.  And my day was wonderful if you don't count anything before 9 AM.  

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