My firstborn is 10!

My firstborn is 10 today.  I'd like to tell you his birth was all wine and roses, but alas, its more like George Carlin doing a stand-up routine about Richard Pryor lighting himself on fire.  Yes, it was fabulous, earth-shattering and amazing, but it wasn't perfect.

Monday, January 22, 2001 I was at work.  I was fat, I hadn't seen my feet in months and felt about as sexy as Rip Taylor would look in a g-string.  I was going that evening to see my Dallas Stars whip up on somebody over at Reunion arena and I told the whole office I was not coming in Tuesday because I was bound and determined to be not pregnant.  We were 5 rows off the glass.  Now, if you ever saw a hockey game at Reunion Arena you know that 5 rows off the glass was down at the bottom of a very long staircase.  I was 37 weeks pregnant, and well you really don't want to know how many times I had to walk up the stairs to go to the bathroom.  Then when we left the arena, I walked up 4 flights of stairs to the car, because 1) I was surprisingly energized & 2) I didn't want to wait for the elevator.  Somewhere on the way home my hormones got the better of me & well, lets just say The Husband went to sleep on the couch that night.

Somewhere along the time the 22nd became the 23rd the pain began.  Just a little at first twinges on the sides of my gigantic stomach.  About 3 AM I called to The Husband who was not ready to speak to me again.  by 6 am I was miserable and told said husband to get his ~bleep~ off the couch and get in here.  We then called the doctor and were on our way to the hospital to have the kid.  ~~FYI, I passed my office manager in Monday morning traffic on the way to the hospital.  I don't think I've ever mentioned that before.~~  Then got the hospital and my blood pressure was something normal over 91.  Well it was the 91 that got me.  The doctor decided to break my water and get on it with.

Well, we didn't get anywhere.

I eventually got an epidural - Sorry, I have a high tolerance, but there is no way we are going to have that much pain in THAT AREA and not have drugs.  Sorry for all you natural childbirth people, but I wanted drugs.  The nurse in the labor & delivery room wouldn't up the pain meds so I laid in that labor & delivery room in pain and not progressing.  After about 3 days (really about 12 hours) the evil thing with a stethoscope said to push & well 2 & 1/2 hours later they went for tools, 15 minutes after that I'm being straddled  by some blonde nurse ~funny that I remember blonde~ with her hand pushing the kid in place (yes, girls - that way) and being pushed (at a full run) by I don't know how many people down the hall to an OR.

 My son was "sunny-side up" or upside down.  His spine was along my spine and basically got stuck. I want to say this,  my doctor - the one that wasn't on call - came up to assist with the emergency C-section.  She came in all scrubbed up, looked at me and said, "You will do anything to get out of an episiotomy."

I of course laughed my evil laugh and said "I told you that on my first pre-natal appointment."

She replied with, "I didn't believe you'd take it this far."

I remember being strapped in; I remember being freezing & shaking; I remember my husband asking "What's that?"  and being told "Her bladder."  The next thing I knew I was being shown a naked, screaming child with a cone-head.  An honest to goodness cone-head.  It was from the forceps, and the little cute cap they stick on only covered the cone part of the head - you are trying to imagine this in your head right now, and yes, it was that bad.

I didn't get to hold him right away as I was strapped to a table, and all I can tell you is you don't really forget the birth - you don't forget the pain.  It hurt, well, until I got the good drugs. I still laugh every time I think of what my doctor told me about the episiotomy and that the word bladder came up during delivery.  I still can't believe she came up to the hospital when she wasn't on call.  What I really can't believe is that it has been a decade and this cute little boy is still causing trouble.

I'm sure that The Husband will remember it completely different.  I will say this, my boy E is special and I wouldn't trade him, his daddy or his little brother for anything.

Welcome to my 2011

Hello old friends.  I've missed my time here lately, I hope to be back here more often in 2011.  I'm going to be honest 2010 kinda sucked.  Why you asked? I actually spent time in the hospital for a reason other than birthing babies.  That was new to me.  My baby got smashed in the face by a 9 iron.  That was an experience.  Too many people died.  Too many people have been diagnosed with cancer ~ one very closer than you would think ~ but who prefers to remain anonymous.  Its not all bad, treatment for ANON has finished and quickly and outlook so far is very positive, but it affects you.  More than you realize.  Your office mate having cancer and a family member having cancer are two different things.  It makes you realize what is important, put things in perspective and unfortunately makes you tear up at the most inopportune times.

I'm starting another 365 project taking pictures and posting everyday.  Looking forward to getting back in the groove and creating something amazing.  I'm also addicted to Words with Friends.  Code name: dijea if you ever want to play......

My resolution for 2011:  Make somebody laugh every day.  Laughter is after all the best medicine.  Here's hoping that 2011 is pretty stinking fabulous!



I also noticed while finishing this post that somewhere I have a tag for underwear....I might need to go back and read that entry.  

The Factor Tree

I am a BZZAGENT.  I review products, websites etc. and was recently offered a trial membership at The Factor Tree through BzzAgent.  My kids took the intial tests and were quite captivated by it.  They spent a while getting tested for the right skill level and told me they couldn't wait to get on it again.  Honestly, between Thanksgiving and Hannukah holidays as well as school commitments, we haven't been back on.  But I think it is a truly worth the time and effort to check out.  And below you can get a two week free trial.  Don't hesitate to check it out.


Use "BZZAGENT" for a 2-week trial at thefactortree.com, the better way to teach kids math! http://u.bzz.com/c252h

HOLYSMOKES!

OMG!Ihaven'tbeenaroundinawhile.Schoolisinsane.Iamsick.Theoldestchildissick.Husbandisannoying.Busy.Busy.Busy.Ican'tkeepgoinglikethisorIwillendupinthenuthouse.WhatkindofnutamIthatIchosetoobligatemyselflikethis?AGH!IAMGOINGCRAZY.

The glass is half full

Today is a good day.  I find I am having more and more good days, with better overall attitude.  It really is a mindset.  Get up and tell yourself its going to be a good day.  When life offers you a choice, take the positive one - especially if that choice is an emotional one.

Its so much more fun to be happy than sad.  While I've always considered myself an optimist, I haven't always portrayed myself that way and I'm trying more and more every day to put forth the image I have in my mind.  Its not always easy, but more and more I'm succeeding.

And I love it.

Well, at least lunch was good

Today is a really hard, really emotional day for me.  Why?  I don't really know. I sit here at my desk ignoring all the things I should be doing - except laundry - a wife/mother can never escape the laundry.  I want to be exploring nature, I want to be taking the most amazing photo that I can get lost in later.  I want to be healthy (wealthy & wise).  I don't want to be cleaning my bedroom.  But then who really wants to be doing that?

Its a grey day here, which only translates to its not as hot in TX as it usually is, but exceptionally humid.

I didn't sleep Friday night, I passed out from exhaustion on Saturday night, then again last night spent last night up, again.  That is probably my problem, lack of sleep.  Well, this therapy session is going well isn't it?

I did accomplish a HUGE feat today. My kids ate what I consider a great lunch.  We had bread with olive oil, fresh strawberries, some apple, sliced cucumber & two different kinds of cheeses.  They agreed it was an awesome lunch and that we should have a picnic somewhere with a lunch like this.  Beats frozen pizza and processed lunch meat.  YEA...

And, unfortunately....back to cleaning that bedroom.

Worries

There are days that are sometimes just hard.  This whole week has been hard for me.  I so over-think and worry when something is up with the H man.  He's hurting - he won't cooperate.  I can force him to do what he wants and he whines & cries or I can not and he whines & cries.  I'm up all night due to the problems he has sleeping/breathing.  I don't know why I worry about him 10 times more than I do E.  I just do.  Maybe it is because I had trouble with him from before he was born.  Maybe it is the hand he's been dealt.  Not that he would tell you he is any different from anyone else.

I'm overwhelmed and I can't get any perspective.  I'm not sure which way to turn and I'm not sure where to go from here.  Maybe I just needed to get that out.  Maybe I'm just a crazed mother who's worried about her baby.

If you aren't sure what I'm talking about - click the title.  It will explain it all.

How I Spent My Holiday Weekend.

Stiff neck.  I had one for about two weeks, I figured I slept wrong, you would probably think the same thing.  Unfortunately, that was not the explanation.   Saturday, I woke up stiffer than usual with almost no range of movement in my neck.  I sucked it up, got dressed and went to work.  Went through the whole day carefully.  Turned my whole body instead of my neck when people talked to me.  Went home, hot shower, heating pad, little relief.  At 2:30 I could take it no longer.  I had my husband take me to the ER, the kids unfortunately had to come too.

I was released from the ER at 8 am Sunday morning.  I called the office and let them know I wasn't going to be in that day, which is extremely unusual for me.  I NEVER call in sick.  Sunday at 8pm the pain had doubled and we dropped the kids off at my sister-in-law's and we went back to the ER.  A CT,  MRI and 8 hours later I was in an ambulance being transfered from the small hospital to Downtown Baylor for an ENT & Neurosurgeon consult.  I have an abscess of fluid in my neck between my spinal-cord & esophagus.  Lots of IVs, pain pills and other things, I'm home.  Not necessarily cured, but not stuck in a place where I have to be woken up every 2 hours to check my blood pressure & temperature.

We still don't know where it came from our best guess so far is a sinus infection that went wrong.  There are still tests & cultures being run.  I am lacking in stamina that's for sure, but I am looking forward to an uninterrupted sleep tonight in my own bed.  I want to thank my husband who took awesome care of the babies and the house while I was in the hospital and my parents who were on call to come up if it went south.  Although I would love to see them, I'm glad it didn't go south.  I'm off to curl up in my comfortable bed and down my pain pill(s).

Don't take your health for granted like I did.  Look what a sinus infection did to me.

Its over

Well it has been about a month since I've been here last.  I'd like to tell you all the things that have happened in the last month, but I'm not really there.  Let's live in the moment.  I watched the series finale of LOST.  I'm not sure what I think.  I will reserve judgment until I've watched it again.  After watching I walked outside and climbed onto the trampoline and just watched the stars.  The moon lighted the whole backyard and the clouds were very apparent.  A few stars were in my view.  The wind in the trees the only sound.  Although I am not upset with the ending, I feel incomplete.  ~sigh~  I want to crawl in the mud, and hold Jack.  I can't believe its over.

"NOOOOOOO!"  Dijea screamed.

What in the heck am I going to watch now?

School Project: Book Cover

For my final Digital Imaging project I have to create a mock up of a book.  Not just any book, but a real book that has been re-designed.  I'm pretty excited about what I created so I'm going to show you.  See school is paying off!

What do you think?  See the original here.

AWESOMENESS & Being Blocked

Yesterday was awesome.  I had a good day, got a few things done, didn't do a few others.  Took a 5 mile walk around the lake, something I completely love and haven't managed enough of over the last few months.  The weather has finally been nice enough, but the two days I don't have school my husband's work schedule has changed and I'm not able to do my exercise.  Well, it has made a world of difference in my attitude.  Yesterday I found the perfect picture, I found the "good hurt" unfortunately, I didn't sleep, but that's another problem.

I worked today, not bad.  I was constantly busy, but not overwhelmed and my favorite boss came to see me.  Charles is always such a happy sight to see that it just put the cherry on top of my sundae so to speak. (That's sounds a little weird, even to me.)

So what's my problem?  I can't get the ridiculousness of Wednesday out of my head.  You know what my problem is - I can't accept being wrong.  I can't except it when someone doesn't see my point of view.  And, I can't get over it when what I see as the something special in my art is what someone else sees as the fault in my art.  So, instead I sit here with a sound project due in my multimedia class and I am DEAD BLOCKED.  There is nothing that's going to get me out of this funk.  NOTHING.  On top of everything I'm half deaf and instead of dealing with my problem head on I want to attack from the flank.  I also have a crap-load of homework due in other classes that this funk is affecting.  I NEED A BETTER THERAPIST THAN ME!

So now you know my fault.  I'm perfect & I live in an imperfect world and can't accept it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!  I'll take any advice, or I'll be happy to come over for a margarita.

Um, do they still make Calgon? I need it to take me away.

I'm having one of THOSE days.  Actually, I'm having one of those weeks.  Why you ask?  Well how about I just bullet point it for you:

• There was a fire at the house on Saturday
• I am WAY behind on my school work
• I am having to deal with the school district regarding H2's diability
• Emergency Vet Bill - need I say more
• I just had a flat tire
• The pollen count is ridiculously high (4000+)

Those are just the highlights and all this is since Saturday.  

Someone, send me a bottle of wine.

Hi! Remember me?

I can't believe its been almost a month since I've posted last.  So much is going on.  I'm back at school and finally think I've got this homework thing down without completely going insane.  I have to thank THE HUSBAND who has been amazing and is cooking dinner all the time.  Only God knows if I still could put a meal together in a pinch.  Its been a while, seriously.  Somehow in this mania, I have managed to keep up with my 365 photography project.  I'm still having a ball.  I also got a HUGE shout out as the Friday Featured Photographer on our illustrious leader Tasra Dawson's website.  Please check it out if you are so inclined.

I promise, I'll be posting more since I've got my school groove going.

No Power & Brain Jellification.

It's been a rough last few days. Thursday it started snowing & it didn't stop.  We were out of electricity for 57 hours - I'm not kidding.  Unfortunately, I know people who are still in the dark.  At one point it was 45 degrees in my house.  We were lucky enough that we had family in town willing to put us up.  My sister & her husband offered, however we stayed with my husband's Aunt & Uncle who were kind enough to offer us a warm bed and meals for a couple of days - it was WAY closer than my sister's place.  We lost power at 9 am on Thursday, I was periodically coming home to feed and water the cats, make sure the house was still standing, hoping the electricity had come back on.

On Saturday, I came to the house to gather laundry to do because we had NOTHING clean or warm, or not wet - and I saw a pick-up with a power logo on it and chased it down.  I spent 4 hours in 40 degree weather outside with no coat, talking up & flirting with Jerry - but when it all was said and done, the power was back on.  I'm hoping that we don't experience that again.  I am also hoping my friends get theirs back soon - they are toughing it out for their cat.  

Wasn't the snow pretty?

I'm currently overwhelmed with homework for school.  I can't even begin to tell explain the mush that was once my brain.  All this creating images, when I take perfectly nice photos, but NOOOOOOOOO, we have to make stuff up in Photoshop.  I have to make movies.  I have to listen to this one professor talk and talk and talk....you get the idea.  I'm giving up on trying to accomplish anything else today, I don't think I can comprehend anything else without total brain jellification.  (Its a word)  Wish me luck coming up with my BIG PROJECT for my new media.  That one is going to be the death of me.

I have GOT to have a night out soon.  No homework.  No thinking.  Just fun.  Oh Jackie......