Sunday, January 23, 2011

My firstborn is 10!

My firstborn is 10 today.  I'd like to tell you his birth was all wine and roses, but alas, its more like George Carlin doing a stand-up routine about Richard Pryor lighting himself on fire.  Yes, it was fabulous, earth-shattering and amazing, but it wasn't perfect.

Monday, January 22, 2001 I was at work.  I was fat, I hadn't seen my feet in months and felt about as sexy as Rip Taylor would look in a g-string.  I was going that evening to see my Dallas Stars whip up on somebody over at Reunion arena and I told the whole office I was not coming in Tuesday because I was bound and determined to be not pregnant.  We were 5 rows off the glass.  Now, if you ever saw a hockey game at Reunion Arena you know that 5 rows off the glass was down at the bottom of a very long staircase.  I was 37 weeks pregnant, and well you really don't want to know how many times I had to walk up the stairs to go to the bathroom.  Then when we left the arena, I walked up 4 flights of stairs to the car, because 1) I was surprisingly energized & 2) I didn't want to wait for the elevator.  Somewhere on the way home my hormones got the better of me & well, lets just say The Husband went to sleep on the couch that night.

Somewhere along the time the 22nd became the 23rd the pain began.  Just a little at first twinges on the sides of my gigantic stomach.  About 3 AM I called to The Husband who was not ready to speak to me again.  by 6 am I was miserable and told said husband to get his ~bleep~ off the couch and get in here.  We then called the doctor and were on our way to the hospital to have the kid.  ~~FYI, I passed my office manager in Monday morning traffic on the way to the hospital.  I don't think I've ever mentioned that before.~~  Then got the hospital and my blood pressure was something normal over 91.  Well it was the 91 that got me.  The doctor decided to break my water and get on it with.

Well, we didn't get anywhere.

I eventually got an epidural - Sorry, I have a high tolerance, but there is no way we are going to have that much pain in THAT AREA and not have drugs.  Sorry for all you natural childbirth people, but I wanted drugs.  The nurse in the labor & delivery room wouldn't up the pain meds so I laid in that labor & delivery room in pain and not progressing.  After about 3 days (really about 12 hours) the evil thing with a stethoscope said to push & well 2 & 1/2 hours later they went for tools, 15 minutes after that I'm being straddled  by some blonde nurse ~funny that I remember blonde~ with her hand pushing the kid in place (yes, girls - that way) and being pushed (at a full run) by I don't know how many people down the hall to an OR.

 My son was "sunny-side up" or upside down.  His spine was along my spine and basically got stuck. I want to say this,  my doctor - the one that wasn't on call - came up to assist with the emergency C-section.  She came in all scrubbed up, looked at me and said, "You will do anything to get out of an episiotomy."

I of course laughed my evil laugh and said "I told you that on my first pre-natal appointment."

She replied with, "I didn't believe you'd take it this far."

I remember being strapped in; I remember being freezing & shaking; I remember my husband asking "What's that?"  and being told "Her bladder."  The next thing I knew I was being shown a naked, screaming child with a cone-head.  An honest to goodness cone-head.  It was from the forceps, and the little cute cap they stick on only covered the cone part of the head - you are trying to imagine this in your head right now, and yes, it was that bad.

I didn't get to hold him right away as I was strapped to a table, and all I can tell you is you don't really forget the birth - you don't forget the pain.  It hurt, well, until I got the good drugs. I still laugh every time I think of what my doctor told me about the episiotomy and that the word bladder came up during delivery.  I still can't believe she came up to the hospital when she wasn't on call.  What I really can't believe is that it has been a decade and this cute little boy is still causing trouble.

I'm sure that The Husband will remember it completely different.  I will say this, my boy E is special and I wouldn't trade him, his daddy or his little brother for anything.


Abby said...

AWESOME STORY! happy birthday to your little cone head who is absolutely adorable! Enjoy the day with him!

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

I love this story! LOL I think it is a hoot that you passed the office manager in traffic!

Enjoy your boy. Boys are just so different and cool.

Smirking Cat said...

Awww, thanks for sharing this story. Does your son know all about this story? My mom likes to tell me I was found in a trash can, but I suspect that is not the case.

Dijea said...

Smirking: He knows some of it, like the hockey stuff but the episiotomy stuff. He'll get there and its pretty much all there for him to read now