I try so hard to get them to understand what is important and what is not. How to brush their teeth, why we can't replace the toy they just broke because they refused to take care of it. I sit here with tears streaming down my face knowing that I lack the something that gets through to them. I try, but they think its funny to ignore me. They think its funny to squirt all the toothpaste all over the sink instead of brush their teeth. They think I should keep up with their homework. That I am expected to not only do their laundry - but find out where they put the dirty stuff (because it's not in the laundry basket). Yes, I realize they are boys and that some of that is expected but that doesn't mean they can't learn a little responsibility.
My husband just wants peace and to not have to be the bad guy - I so understand this and wish that I had the option to do the same thing, but I am one of those people who hold the weight of the world on their shoulders and worry about everything. And today, I just want to give up. I talk and no one listens, they just tune me out or continue with the conversations with each other completely ignoring me and my pleadings. I am constantly doing the same thing over and over. I feel like I have no control over anything, but all the responsibility.
My children are old enough to have responsibility - and yet as hard as I try to enforce that, it doesn't work. I hear about my nephew who can sew buttons and I think, my youngest still says he can't button a button - and he doesn't want to learn. He wants tie shoes, but doesn't want to learn to tie.
I know that every mother feels this way at some point. Well almost - I'm sure there are a few perfect ones out there. Today, I just feel like a failure, and maybe I'm just expecting too much. I don't know - today is just not my day. Thanks for letting me vent - I will try to be funny and humorous tomorrow, today I'm going to pout.
11 comments:
This mommy finds herself yelling way more than she should.
I also gave myself a time out in my bedroom the other day, lest I throttle my kids.
It's a very hard job. And neither of my kids can tie their shoes, though Grace will sometimes make a stab at it. But we are usually running too late in the morning and I just end up doing it instead.
Would it help if I promise you that it will get better?
Maybe you should stop talking and let the boys fend for themselves a little more.
There is nothing in you lacking at all.
Awwww... ok. I don't know how old your kids are but if one is still needing to learn to tie shoes, then they're on the much younger side than mine are. The laundry issue... when each of mine were somewhere around 10, I decided that was old enough to learn how to use the machines. I gave them all the help they needed every time they *forgot* how to turn on the washer or the dryer, but I refused to just give up and do it myself. Today my youngest son turned 18. (OMFG!) Saturday daughter will turn 16. They've both been doing their own laundry for years. It took some work. It took me forcing myself to not care if they had clean underwear on. (Hey it wasn't MY ass in them; if they care enough, they'll wash the undies!) It took many arguments over them suddenly realizing they didn't have anything clean they wanted to wear. At your boys ages, they are certainly old enough to understand the concept of a laundry basket for dirty clothes in their room. My rule before my kids were ten was "if you want it washed it better be in the basket."
As far as being too lazy to learn to tie shoes.. well... let him trip over the laces a few times. He'll figure it out!
BUTTON SHMUTTON, moms are here to tie shoes and button buttons! lol....No one is perfect and that is what makes us so great. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AND JUST HAVE SOME FUN! p.s. my husband is 30 and I don't think he could sew on his own button!
I'm almost 36yo and I cant sew shit. :)
You are a great mom and while I can relate to the feeling of bearing the weight of the world on you and like you always get stuck doing the icky stuff, we can only do what we can do and hope that they come around. And they will :)
My 15yo just now started doing his own laundry and that was only after death threats LOL The 10yo helps with dishes but we have to remind her where stuff goes EVERY SINGLE FREAKIN DAY. Hell, there are days when I have to be reminded where stuff goes LOL
Deej - its time we go drink!!!!!! :)
Oh do NOT give up on the dishes thing, lol. She KNOWS where it all goes. Trust me. She is just hoping you will get tired of telling her and do it yourself. Wait her out, lol. My daughter does the same thing about loading the dishwasher. She knows if she messes it up enough hub will just do it for her. Pisses me off that he gives in. I am always telling him she knows perfectly well how, but she also knows he will do it. I am just not gonna waste my breath anymore. If he wants to load it fine... him... her.. anyone else but ME loading it all the time is just peachy, lol.
I feel this way all the time, and mine are only 4 and 2, and we were crazy enough to think we could raise another one! Seriously, it means you love them a lot... And the fact that they ignore you means they love and trust you, too. They feel safe ignoring you because they know you won't give up on them because you love them THAT much. The fact that they ignore you means they aren't afraid of you, and as appealing as that sounds sometimes, who REALLY wants their kids to be terrified of their parental wrath?
Have a glass of wine and remember that even when they ignore you, your kids love you more than they know, and you'e a kick ass mom!!!
I'm really sorry you're going through this honey. I wish I had the saving grace of advice to give you, but my experience with kids is limited to running a day camp- so, so different than parenting.
Hugs.
I don't have the kids with us full-time, but I get frustrated too wondering why they think a fairy godmother is going to run behind them, cleaning up and putting things away and fixing things, etc. The best way we made some changes was for me and their father to be consistent and to back each other up, so your husband needs to quit avoiding conflict and be your partner.
It's hard for us to realise but it is human nature to not do something, if someone else will. Guys especially. They assume that if you do it, it's because you want to do it. Words don't count. Because if they don't want to do something, they just don't.
My suggestion: Go on (a short) strike:
Tell them you have hurt your thumb, and wrap it up in a big bandage, then get a book and go and sit on the settee, and read it. Ask for a cup of tea and say (with feigned regret) that someone else will have to do everything for a while until your thumb is better. Be vague about how long this will take.
Of course I never did this. Well, only once. :-)
And you wonder where all of your stress is coming from??????? Girl, you need to say more VERY NICE things to yourself instead of this crap. You are a GREAT mother, a GREAT person and this poo is enough to curl the hair of a bald man! I have two pieces of advice, besides the first one, that is.. 1. or 2 if you count the first, BREATHE
2 or 3. Try to remember the bottom line (you know, what in the long run is important -- dirty clothes or that the kids remember you were always there for them.
p.s. I think they ALL hear you, what they are doing is their choice.
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