Maybe its a TOOMAH...

I think something is wrong with me. SERIOUSLY WRONG. I'm feeling lovey-dovey. Yes you heard me right. I want to hug people and talk to people. I actually wrote that I loved my husband on Facebook. How pathetic is that? I do love him despite his addiction to video games and horror flicks - both of which I could totally do without. Oh and his propensity to burp at the dinner table - sometime even burp a sentence. Yes, he communicates through burps, well sometimes.

I am sarcastic and strange. Creatively obnoxious and well just plain different. I AM NOT LOVEY-DOVEY. Although I am a hopeless romantic. Didn't see that coming did you?

Except for this break so far today, I am cleaning - I think I even hear birds chirping. You'd think I was in a disney movie, except there is no way I would look as good as Amy Adams in curtains or get birds, squirrels and cockroaches to help me clean. Wouldn't that be nice? I might even go grocery shopping on a Saturday. Just because.

Okay, maybe not.

I have volunteered to make school packets next week. Am thinking about cleaning out a closet oh, and I'm going to paint my bedroom. What the heck is wrong with me? SOMEONE BRING BACK DIJEA.

The one where I shared too much...

It amazes me sometimes the cycles that life goes through. I am finding myself in a very contemplative state wondering what direction to go and which path to follow. Sometimes I feel like a caged bird that opened its cage and sometimes I feel like a dog chained to a spike - allowed some freedom but limited.

I want to explore something different - find my true space in the universe. I know that sound bizarre because I am over 40 and should know what that is, but I don't. I have spent my life accommodating others. That sounds ridiculous doesn't it? I followed a job path my mother thought was acceptable. I always was afraid of disappointing her. I didn't finish college because I kept being pointed in the business/accounting/teaching direction. I am NOT by any means a left brained individual, but for some reason I felt it was more important to please others than please myself. Not that my mother ever forced her ideas on me, I for some strange reason felt required to follow her hopes for me. Maybe its just a fear of failure, so I follow someone else's ideas I can't fail with my own.

Now I am stuck in a horrible position of not doing what I love. Or even exploring what I like. I have an obligation to my family, one that will always come first as they are the most important people in my life. My husband, although a loud snoring individual, loves me and I want nothing more than to return that love in every way imaginable. My kids are a constant source of joy - even when arguing about who got more snacks or "special time" or who that stupid toy belongs to. My husband would absolutely let me try anything I want - he's that kind of guy. I thank my lucky stars I married him, even though he has an unhealthy obsession with video games and a rather off-color sense of humor and is as quick to temper as I am. I kind of like that off-color sense of humor, not so much the crazy songs he makes up.

I just wish that the economy wasn't so screwed up. That I didn't see the government making incredibly dumb decisions everyday. Where is it that we have to write all this extra crap into bills? Can't we just say NO and do only 1 thing at a time. I feel like we need to rebel against all the excess and just take it one thing/day at a time. I wish I could just do what I wanted instead of being responsible for so much. Yes, I'm trying to avoid cleaning the bathroom. Can you tell? It just frustrates the hell out of me to see so much crap being flung around in the name of all that is good in the world.

I find myself being pulled in a different direction. I've been walking and listening to some incredible music that puts me in a creative mindset. I've lot 10 lbs, I feel better, I want to just be me and not worry about responsibilities so much. Other than those I have to my husband and my kids. Its not that easy. Enjoy life and maybe, just maybe everything will fall into place.

Dear Blogger:

Blogger, bless me for I have sinned, its been 9 days since my last post and all hell has broken loose. My youngest has had a fever for 6 days. We are scheduled for the doctor (again) tomorrow because this is just too long. I have gone insane being home this many days with a sick kid and chosen to clean their room and re-arrange furniture.

Only you mothers would understand the total disgust I discovered when I moved the beds. I will save you the horror, because let me tell you - IT WAS BAD!

I was actually contemplating multi-dosing of tylenol and motrin Friday morning so that he could go to school and I could go to work, but at 4:30 when his fever shot up over 101 - well, that flew out of the window. I will now have to go talk with the principal because of his absences this semester. Oh, lovely day.

On a lighter note, I get to take Cagey - the baby kitty - back to the vet for another antibiotic shot as some stupid cat in the neighborhood beat the you-know-what out of him last night. I found him on the porch and he came in right away, which should have sent lightbulbs flashing in my brain but I was in a I've had a sick kid all week fog and it didn't register. I would have taken him last night, but I had a few glasses of wine and decided it would be best not to drive. 7 pm was the earliest I could get in today.

Well, thanks for visiting with my blogger. I'll look forward to next time.

Politicians chap my you-know-what.

I want to get up on my roof right now and scream and yell, unfortunately I would probably be taken to the psych ward instead of taken seriously.  Our country is headed for complete and total ruin.  Yes, ruin.  I understand the nation being excited for change and believing it is going to happen, but I have something to tell you.  Its not.  

BTW - this is not a complaint on the current administration.  The American People elected this Congress & the President and that's that people get over it if you don't like it - or vote accordingly in the next election.  I just don't like some of the current ideas being thrown around.  I also am sick of the Democrats and Republicans blaming the other one for all the problems.  SHUT UP AND WORK TOGETHER I SAY.

This is not a big surprise to most people at least most people over a certain age.  We have seen a trend, but newer voters they just see change.  They see a Democrat instead of a Republican, they see the first African American President, a man who's going to fight for the little person.  I have a secret to tell you.  Politicians, regardless of whether they are Republican or Democrat, are going to fight for their own agenda (and livelihood) every time.  Over the past decade I have been pretty diligent about voicing my opinions to the representatives I have in the House and in the Senate.  I also communicate with my State Representatives.  Where has it gotten me - not very far.  What was satisfying was to tell a current political representative, while I was in line to vote, that I wasn't supporting him this year because not once did he respect the opinion I voiced to him and as my elected official - which I thought that was his job.  I completely agree that something has to change to help our country, but the current stimulus package is not going to do it.  Building a new building for Homeland Security and then furnishing it at a total of 1.1 billion dollars is not going to stimulate the economy.  Socializing medicine is going to screw up medicare and dramatically lower salaries for healthcare professionals.  Mind you health care is a growing field - it won't be if what is written in the current package passes.  Unless you are going to start paying for the educations of doctors they are not going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to get an education and then make less than their yard man.  My husband's salary would probably be cut in half.  I have health insurance and I'm going broke paying what they don't pay.  I am also paying almost as much for medical insurance as I am for my house each month.  But to socialize medicine - which is what President Obama is talking about no matter what he says is not going to help the economy.

I love that they want to replace all the government cars with hybrids.  Yea going green, but couldn't we replace them as they wear out instead of just buying a fleet of cars.  Seriously, how can buying a bunch of hybrids (mind you the car companies that are failing are not making hybrids) going to solve the economy?  

I love the idea of a tax credit to buy houses, but people, if you you don't have a job or you are now under-employed like most of us who still have jobs how the heck are you going to afford to buy a house.  Shoot how are you going to afford to sell the one you got.  And don't get me started about bailing out people who's homes have lost value.  Its call free market economy.  HELLO!?!  Is everyone awake out there?  Sometimes I wonder.  Are we going to start bailing out people who's stock has gone down in price.  Oh Congress, my car has gone down in value too, can I get a check or a tax credit or something.  I'll tell you what I need - a way to get out of my car lease.  Yes, I am so screwed with the car lease.  When I was flush - it so made sense, but now that the economy has tanked can you fix that for me?  

I don't have all the answers, but I do know that we don't manufacture anything anymore.  Maybe we should start doing that.  Maybe we should bring call centers back to the US instead of handing them out to other countries.  Maybe we should accept the fact that you can't be so greedy about needing a raise or additional benefits, there are people out there that can't feed themselves and unions are not giving in to concessions.  Heck, the current stimulus package is going to give money to Hollywood.  Tell me why do we need to do that?  

I'm sick to my stomach with all this stuff - Bush pushed thru a stimulus package, now in less than 6 months we are going to push another one thru.  That will make something like 1.5 trillion bucks.  Where is the money coming from and how come there is NOTHING in there that is going to help my situation.

Somewhere I know it says that the government is suppose to work for the people of that country, but I think the government didn't get the memo.  Thank you for your time and allowing me to vent.  I feel much better.

Does Democrat = Creative?

Do you have to be a democrat to be truly creative?  I mean most actors/writers/celebrities are democrats aren't they?  Yes there is that guy, you know, the one who's now governor.  And that other ex-governor, but he used to be a wrestler and that's not creative is it?  

I am convinced I am a liberal republican or a conservative democrat.  Does that make me an Independent or what?  If I'm a liberal republican should I just give up all  my creative dreams, or do I just choose the conservative democrat so I can be famous?  Yes, I know I will only be famous in my own mind, but that's OK with me.

Yes the election is over, but the new government is being formed.  I say new as if its really going to change, but we know it really won't.  There are so many current politicians or former cabinet members from current/previous administrations that there really is no NEW its only RE-organized.  But that's not what this post is about.  Do you know any creative Republicans?  Seriously, creative types are generally democrats.  I don't know many conservative celebrities.  

So I guess my question is...  Does Republican = boring?