There is never enough padding.

I have a sensitive backside. What can I say - I'm a tough old bird, until it comes to my a**. I went bike riding Sunday, to the lake, then around the lake. I crapped out and decided that I couldn't make it up the big giant hill to come home. My husband was kind enough to come and pick me up and take me home - YEA HUSBAND! I'm pretty sure that I won't get that treatment a second time.

I've got a new back tire and today I went and got a big giant gel seat. It has been hell the past two days sitting on anything other than a pillow. Because my cheeks are still a little sensitive, I have a gel pad over the gel seat. I hope that will protect my precious trunk.

I'm going to start riding the lake a couple times a week in addition to my walking, so I can get the remainder of my baby weight off. I've gotten off 20 lbs so far. I'm looking forward to getting another 20 off.

Wish me luck.

Insanity, Bread Making & Vegetables

Well, I think I've gone completely insane. Yes, insane. I am sitting here typing a little about my day just so I can share the insanity. Everyone knows its more fun to be crazy in a group than separate.

I'm baking bread. BREAD. That wonderful fluffy yeasty goodness. I talked to a friend on the phone last night and told her I was going to bake bread today she said I was scaring her. Could me baking bread be that scary. Well, here is some more scary things: I've just made more pickled cucumbers, I have dinner plate ready for tomato & mozzarella salad tonight.

OK, here it is I'm trying to go vegetarian. I'm not going to completely give up meat, but in this heat and my plateau in the weight-loss front I've decided to cut it almost out of my diet. A little chicken here and there - some turkey lunch meat every so often. I just don't feel like the heaviness of meat everyday. Basically I think its just too hot to stand over a stove or a grill and cook.

I am officially married again.

Sometime in seventh month of my first pregnancy I got too fat for my wedding ring. Anyone who has ever been pregnant can understand that statement. Sometime between the 1st and 2nd pregnancy I lost enough weight to get it back on. I got pregnant again and somewhere in between the 1st and 2nd trimester I swelled up again and it hasn't been on there since.

Until yesterday that is.

Who gives a damn right? ME, I do. Why, because it means I have lost enough weight that the band my husband gave me 14 or so years ago, back when I was 125 lbs, hot and my boobs were still perky, fits again. I'm not claiming perky boobs or 125 lbs, but this in monumental to an over 40 mom of two who has been not so happy about her figure for a while.

Now if only my feet would go back to a size 8.

The one where I shared too much...

It amazes me sometimes the cycles that life goes through. I am finding myself in a very contemplative state wondering what direction to go and which path to follow. Sometimes I feel like a caged bird that opened its cage and sometimes I feel like a dog chained to a spike - allowed some freedom but limited.

I want to explore something different - find my true space in the universe. I know that sound bizarre because I am over 40 and should know what that is, but I don't. I have spent my life accommodating others. That sounds ridiculous doesn't it? I followed a job path my mother thought was acceptable. I always was afraid of disappointing her. I didn't finish college because I kept being pointed in the business/accounting/teaching direction. I am NOT by any means a left brained individual, but for some reason I felt it was more important to please others than please myself. Not that my mother ever forced her ideas on me, I for some strange reason felt required to follow her hopes for me. Maybe its just a fear of failure, so I follow someone else's ideas I can't fail with my own.

Now I am stuck in a horrible position of not doing what I love. Or even exploring what I like. I have an obligation to my family, one that will always come first as they are the most important people in my life. My husband, although a loud snoring individual, loves me and I want nothing more than to return that love in every way imaginable. My kids are a constant source of joy - even when arguing about who got more snacks or "special time" or who that stupid toy belongs to. My husband would absolutely let me try anything I want - he's that kind of guy. I thank my lucky stars I married him, even though he has an unhealthy obsession with video games and a rather off-color sense of humor and is as quick to temper as I am. I kind of like that off-color sense of humor, not so much the crazy songs he makes up.

I just wish that the economy wasn't so screwed up. That I didn't see the government making incredibly dumb decisions everyday. Where is it that we have to write all this extra crap into bills? Can't we just say NO and do only 1 thing at a time. I feel like we need to rebel against all the excess and just take it one thing/day at a time. I wish I could just do what I wanted instead of being responsible for so much. Yes, I'm trying to avoid cleaning the bathroom. Can you tell? It just frustrates the hell out of me to see so much crap being flung around in the name of all that is good in the world.

I find myself being pulled in a different direction. I've been walking and listening to some incredible music that puts me in a creative mindset. I've lot 10 lbs, I feel better, I want to just be me and not worry about responsibilities so much. Other than those I have to my husband and my kids. Its not that easy. Enjoy life and maybe, just maybe everything will fall into place.

I still haven't lost any weight.

I still haven't lost any weight. I have hit the gym a few times a week - I've been on the treadmill for about 45 minutes each time. I have been working in the yard, pulling weeds, I've cut sodas, alcohol out of my daily life. You would think I would have lost something, but NOOOOOOOOOO.

I swear I could do nothing but fast and gain weight. I promise you I have a thyroid the size of a pin head, its not working, but all my tests are normal. NORMAL. Who cares that my hair is falling out, I'm tired all the time and every other symptom that is listed I have, but apparently my body has just turned against me and I will be forced to do something awful like actually break a sweat. Seriously, I sweat just walking out the door in this Texas heat, I mean I will actually have to - oh I can't say it - seriously work out. Like sit-up & push-up work outs, like crunches and lunges and evil things like that. It's not like I'm opposed to that. I would do it everyday if I had some hot, buff guy (or even some hot buff girl) come and be my own personal trainer and make me do this everyday. If I had a nanny that would come and watch my kids and miraculously make them clean their playroom while I'm doing this. I would be working out all the time. They could be mean and shout insults at me if it would just motivate me to workout. I would go spend a month with Harvey from Celebrity Fit Club and he could make me do all sorts of disgusting exercises and I would if it would make me get into a size 8.

Even if that happened, I would probably still be sitting here at 187 lbs in a size 14/16. I just can't lose any weight and its beginning to piss me off. My husband on the other hand goes once a week, and has lost 10 lbs. That you-know-what!!! Its NOT FAIR. I've got to do something or I'm going to go off the deep end and eat like ever piece of chocolate in the Super Target down the street or buy out Godiva.

Random, Random, Random

OK, thank goodness for the invention of Tivo or the DVR or whatever it is we use.  I could not keep up with either Grey's Anatomy or Lost tonight, because it is the first game of the Dallas Stars VS the Detroit Red Wings.  Important Stuff!!!!!  I could forgo any sport except Hockey.  I prefer Hockey to anything, yes, its a little harder to follow the puck than say a basketball, but 1)  Hockey guys have better bodies.  True Fact.  2)  There is a higher chance for blood than in almost any other sport - except boxing & cage fighting. and 3)  I get to listen to Razor.  His superlatives are unique & inventive and hockey is not the same without Razor as color analyst.  

I will work out again today.  A little walking and upper body weights.  Ye Haw!!!  I know you can barely stand it.  I picked up the boys today.  I sweated entirely too much for it being still the first part of May.  I'm starting to think its body weight that is causing it and not temperature.  I seriously don't feel fat and unattractive, but I know that I need to lose weight so applaud my effort.

I also got all the random paperwork I've been piling up intending to file in the actual file cabinet.  And in hanging folders with labels.  I feel like I actually accomplished something.  Now if I can just quit drinking Dr. Peppers.  I made the stupid mistake of buying a case at Costco.  S-T-U-P-I-D.  I guess when they are gone they are gone and I'm not buying anymore.  

MMMM Water.

Next job PERSONAL TRAINER

So the whole "diet" thing is working so well.  Can you just see the sarcasm dripping from the page?  I did walk today. WALK.  I'm smoking up the asphalt.  I read all these blogs about people running marathons, 20 miles in a day, or working out constantly.  I walked - I'm so bad - for a whole 1/2 an hour.  I guess if you don't do anything then that's an improvement.  Right?  Well, let me add on little thing to that I did it in Earth shoes.  Know what those are?  They are shoes with a "negative heel".  Basically these shoes make your heel lower than the ball of your feet.  

The first 1/2 of the walk all I could think was I am going to have charlie-horses all night.  I'm going to wake up every thirty minutes screaming and clutching my calves.  Then after they got good and stretched I kept thinking how hot my legs were going to look - ya, and I'm going to turn into Haley Berry in a skin tight cat suit.  (that was for you husband).  

Anyway, I made an effort, even if it wasn't much.  I also cleaned closets, and re-arranged stuff in my house, so I wasn't a complete potato today. I am also going to make the effort at least 5 times a week and include other forms of cardio (ya right, walking is cardio) and doing a little weights, yoga/pilates and whatever else I can think of.  

I've said it, now I have to do it

I have made a promise to myself - scary huh? I am going to lose weight. I've said this before, but I want a new wardrobe, and my cheap self cannot justify it unless it is a necessity. Dropping a few sizes will justify it. Also the excessive walking I did in New Zealand kind of jump started me. I want this so maybe if I put it in writing and hold myself accountable I will be forced to do something about it.

I weigh 185 pounds. YES, I said 185 lbs and am a size 14. Although that is the size Marilyn Monroe wore, I don't want to wear it anymore. I don't feel fat, I'm tall so at least I'm proportioned. I still have a noticeable waist, I'm just thicker than I used to be. I want to lose 40 lbs, but will be happy just to get down to that lovely size 10 - an 8 would be perfect, but I will settle for the 10. I was a size 4 when I got married, but that and my perky you-know-whats are long behind me.

Here's where I need help. I need some ideas for more "fun" (is that even possible) exercises. I ran track back in the day, but my knees are shot and running won't be on the list. I will try to put walking into my rotation as well as biking. This is something I can do with the children over the summer. Sit-ups (oh, I might just start vomiting right now), push-ups, what else? Did I mention I'm not a big fan of exercising (or is it sweating I don't like)?

Anyone trying to do this? Has anyone had success at anything? Can you recommend a good plastic surgeon? HA!HA! I don't want to go on a diet really, just make more lifestyle changes like cutting out sodas and switching to whole grains and fresh/organic produce. I will take any advice you can give me. I am also going to do the Push-Up Throwdown that Krista did, maybe that will kick start me working on my core.

I've thrown it out there - now I have to do something. Pray I survive myself.

More Blah

So I didn't do very well in my morning routine today. I couldn't get motivated to get out of bed, Ethan & Hunter couldn't get motivated to get dressed, the cats were attacking each other. Mario is doing his best to completely de-fur Zelda. She just hisses and poops in the bathtub. Turco, he just sleeps on my pillow and weighs about 100 lbs, but its all muscle.

After depositing Ethan at school, we rushed home to get Hunter fed and off, I was empty on gas in the car and therefore had to skip breakfast to fill up the car - then I ruined my body with a McDonald's sausage biscuit & a cup of coffee. I dropped off Hunter & ran to workout. Burned a whole 348 calories, and over the last month have lost 2.75 lbs, unfortunately I gained 3.25 inches. I did lose 1.84% body fat, but all I know is that my clothes are getting smaller and not bigger on my body and that is making things kind of blah.

I tried on the "little black dress" I have in my closet only to find that to zip it up means I have to break rib bones. So I'm off to go shopping for something to wear to the two Christmas Parties I have over the next week. UGH! I hate shopping, unless it is for bath products or shoes. I have yet to purchase a Christmas Present (except for the BIG children's gift - sshh they are getting a trampoline) and my MCE hours are due by the end of the month. I haven't done my Christmas cards and I'm sure there is something else I am just forgetting to complain about.

Now that I've complained I guess I will stuff my face with raw vegetables & go shopping. Maybe I can pass by a bath shop on my way....