Worries

There are days that are sometimes just hard.  This whole week has been hard for me.  I so over-think and worry when something is up with the H man.  He's hurting - he won't cooperate.  I can force him to do what he wants and he whines & cries or I can not and he whines & cries.  I'm up all night due to the problems he has sleeping/breathing.  I don't know why I worry about him 10 times more than I do E.  I just do.  Maybe it is because I had trouble with him from before he was born.  Maybe it is the hand he's been dealt.  Not that he would tell you he is any different from anyone else.

I'm overwhelmed and I can't get any perspective.  I'm not sure which way to turn and I'm not sure where to go from here.  Maybe I just needed to get that out.  Maybe I'm just a crazed mother who's worried about her baby.

If you aren't sure what I'm talking about - click the title.  It will explain it all.

How I Spent My Holiday Weekend.

Stiff neck.  I had one for about two weeks, I figured I slept wrong, you would probably think the same thing.  Unfortunately, that was not the explanation.   Saturday, I woke up stiffer than usual with almost no range of movement in my neck.  I sucked it up, got dressed and went to work.  Went through the whole day carefully.  Turned my whole body instead of my neck when people talked to me.  Went home, hot shower, heating pad, little relief.  At 2:30 I could take it no longer.  I had my husband take me to the ER, the kids unfortunately had to come too.

I was released from the ER at 8 am Sunday morning.  I called the office and let them know I wasn't going to be in that day, which is extremely unusual for me.  I NEVER call in sick.  Sunday at 8pm the pain had doubled and we dropped the kids off at my sister-in-law's and we went back to the ER.  A CT,  MRI and 8 hours later I was in an ambulance being transfered from the small hospital to Downtown Baylor for an ENT & Neurosurgeon consult.  I have an abscess of fluid in my neck between my spinal-cord & esophagus.  Lots of IVs, pain pills and other things, I'm home.  Not necessarily cured, but not stuck in a place where I have to be woken up every 2 hours to check my blood pressure & temperature.

We still don't know where it came from our best guess so far is a sinus infection that went wrong.  There are still tests & cultures being run.  I am lacking in stamina that's for sure, but I am looking forward to an uninterrupted sleep tonight in my own bed.  I want to thank my husband who took awesome care of the babies and the house while I was in the hospital and my parents who were on call to come up if it went south.  Although I would love to see them, I'm glad it didn't go south.  I'm off to curl up in my comfortable bed and down my pain pill(s).

Don't take your health for granted like I did.  Look what a sinus infection did to me.