Meme -

A meme from Spookyrach's blog

I am: loud

I want: more
I wish: and wish and wish
I hate: big red
I miss: seeing lots of comments on my blog
I fear: heights. Just thinking about it makes things quiver on me we don't need to discuss here.
I hear: noises in the dark
I wonder: why
I regret: more than you know
I am not: always where I want to be
I dance: better than Elaine on Seinfeld - but not by much.
I sing: like a wet cat in heat
I cry: every time I watch Terms of Endearment
I am not always: gracious
I make with my hands: food, that my kids eat and complain about way too much.
I write: a lot that will never be published
I confuse: myself
I need: less stress
I should: relax
I start: slow
I finish: this meme
I tag: you!

I'm not depressed - I swear

I'm in a dark and contemplative mindset today. I feel like letting my mind wander till I find the answer to a question I didn't ask. Or maybe pondering the book of Proverbs. Or even escaping into the lives of others in a book. Rainy, dreary days do this to me. I've been listening to morose, depressive music that you tend to only listen to after a break-up. I don't know why, my husband and I haven't even argued in the last week. OMG - did I actually say that? He has accused me of nagging, which I probably did but we've actually been on a fairly decent run of no stress and strife so I can't blame this on him either.

I really should be writing poetry today. Mindsets like this produce my best poetry. Oh, idea! See I just needed a creative outlet. Writing helps solve everything. I'm going to lock myself in my room later and create.

And I'm putting labels and stamps on envelopes at work today and I think I need some Goo Gone to get the sticky off my fingers.

I am obsessed with this song.

The song is Cold Ground by Rusty Truck.

Holy Fuel Economy Batman

I filled up my car for less than $50 and I have one of those cars that require premium gas.  I haven't done that in ages.  I think the last time I filled up it cost me almost $70.  WOW!  Yea!  

Is this good press for the Republicans or the Democrats?  

Blah, de blah, blah

I woke the kids this morning and E informed me that it was way to early to wake him up. I answered back that it was the same time I always get him up. "NO, it is still way dark outside," was his reply. His father and I couldn't convince him that it was cloudy outside and that the days were getting shorter due to fall. He was not having it so apparently with E, I am in the doghouse.

I feel so blah today. The weather is dreary, my allergies are acting up, I feel fat. All good reasons for blah. Also I am running into a lot of people who weren't even in the house when they were handing out common sense. Jeez...I could just scream!

Blah...Blah...Blah.

Hey politicians, Want my vote? Then fix this...

I am yet again disappointed in our public school system.  Maybe I'm jumping the gun (I doubt it) but they don't seem to be eager to help my poor little Hunter.  We went back to the eye doctor today and Hunter's left eye has lost more vision and he is now a -8.0 in his left eye.  His right stayed steady at -6.75.  UGH.  The doctor says he might be dyslexic as well, but when I called the school counselor to talk to her as she suggested after this follow up, to only be pushed off yet again.  "We don't test until after 1st grade."  

OK, so my doctor says he needs to be tested as soon as possible, yet they say the won't test him for another 18 months.  Are you sure you are educators?  I mean have you heard of early intervention?  I have put my best people on the job.  A more passionate advocate I couldn't find.  She's not in my town, but has been an honorary member of our family for a long time.  She'll find out the questions I am lost on and point me in the right direction.  

I am also working on some other avenues and Unstable, I might have to borrow LMSKP, but I will hold off until I get my bearings on this.  We have a referral to Scottish Rite, I will get on that even if the school district decides to lower itself and test my kid.   

How frustrating is that?

I'm crazy....it's official.

So the doctor called me this afternoon and spent probably 20 minutes on the phone with me.  Not bad huh?  I'm quoting here "you're crazy and you need to be medicated."  Now before you go and huff in outrage I totally took this out of context, but she did say that.  Bottom line its easier to treat hormone issues by treating the symptoms.  In my case the massive amounts of wired energy or manic anxiety with anti-anxiety meds.  My comment was that my husband was going to have a field day with me needing to be medicated and then she said the above quote.  "You can tell him I said you're crazy and you need to be medicated.  It will make his day."

Anyway, we are going to cut back on the caffeine - how am I ever going to stay awake during the day.  We are going to get a MRI to check out the fibroid issues to see if I can add hormones to the mix & work on getting me better sleep and probably send me to a shrink to get me on the right meds.  So basically I'm nuts, but we already knew that did we?

I found a new blog today. And I love it

Found a great blog today one you should so check out. Confessions of a Random Chick. I love it!

Its just not my day.

I've cried about 4 times today, teared up another million. I'm so hungry I've been asking for a porterhouse. The stupid Women's Wellness Center decided they needed to cancel my appointment for a mammogram so they could hold a staff meeting instead. I spent days trying to find someone to pick up my children - now all for nothing. I haven't slept worth a damn in weeks, my back hurts, my boob hurts so bad I can barely tolerate a bra. My husband doesn't really want to discuss this with me - I completely understand, but who do you really talk to about feeling like your having a nervous breakdown and no one will listen?

Your blog that who. Blogs always listen and they are not judgemental either.

I have a call into the Gyn. I'll try with all my might to maintain calm, but I don't think it will happen.

CLARIFICATION: I didn't mean my husband wouldn't speak with me about my hormonal problems, I meant that the last thing any man wants to do is have a 45 minute conversation with a woman about her hormones issues.

One with a picture and a movie

Saturday my sister, Stehle and I went on a little adventure in East Texas.  We started out first watching the sunrise over White Rock Lake.  

Then ended up going into every cemetery we passed, 1st the Oldest Catholic Cemetery in Dallas that I went and visited with SpookyRach a while back.  Then we went to Greenwood Cemetery that is across the street - Rachel & I didn't manage to get in there as it was locked, but Stehle and I did and what an eye-opening experience.  First it was extremely well kept and loaded with veterans and interesting monuments.  I loved the streets signs.  We also visited Sand Flats Cemetery in Van Zandt County which was not kept up.  It had a pile of brush in the center that was just sad.  Behind the Sand Flats Cemetery was the Pioneer Cemetery in even worse shape.  It took us 15 minutes to pick all the sticker burrs out of our socks and shoes.  

I couldn't do the blogger slide show due to the size of the file, so I uploaded it to youtube.  Check it out.  

I'm too old????

I was talking at work yesterday with a girl in the office about music.  I said I had a song stuck in my head by Does it Offend You, Yeah?  We also talked about Foo Fighters (my fav!), Jackson United, Kings of Leon, Keane, Death Cab for Cutie & The Verve.    

Some of my current favorites.  

I was informed by a gentleman in my office I was too old to listen to that stuff.  What??????  I realize I'm 40, but my life hasn't ended.  You don't turn 40 and immediately like elevator music or prefer singer songwriters from the 70's.  Oh, and I do like singer/songwriters from the 70's.  I love 80's music.  But I could listen to Sirius' ALT NATION all day long!  I could!  Honest to you-know-who.

Who else do I love?  Interpol, Cold War Kids, Kaiser Chiefs (love the new single!), The Black Keys, Low vs. Diamond, and MGMT.  I also love my classics like The Who, The Clash, Pink Floyd.  Great 80's & 90's bands you know the ones you hear on 1st Wave.  AND TOM JONES ROCKS LIVE!

I love music and I hate that some - forgive me for saying this - old dude says that now that I've hit my 40's I can't listen to what I like.  Go back to your easy listening/elevator music and leave me to discover the latest next big thing.

Hormone Overload!

I went to the Doctor, who mostly confirmed my boob diagnosis of overactive hormones.  She said its probably fibroids brought on by hormone fluctuations.  I will go get another Mammogram (yea squishies!) and an ultrasound just to be on the safe side.  Whoopee!  Can't wait!

Also, I am extremely hungry right now and I can't figure out why because I've eaten enough in the last hour for two people.  I'm going for hormones again.

UGH! Interruption by strange noise coming from cat. Not sounding good - whatever it was I hope it wasn't on the carpet.  Better go check it out.  Found nothing.....yet.  Please let there be nothing.

I'm off to Pilates to work off what I just ate.  

All this and I'm surprisingly upbeat

Today is not so much a bad day as its just off. I have a pain, a pain that I've had for about two weeks, it actually hurt so much this morning that I made an appointment to go see the doctor. I wouldn't normally 1) because its the female doctor and I already have my yearly coming up in less that a month & 2) I tend to procrastinate. But its my boob and I've already had one cyst removed and lack feeling in it most of the time; and I really don't want to find that I have a second one and didn't do anything about it. I'm sure I'll get a lecture for not calling earlier, but its probably just hormones. Better safe than sorry though.

I'm also incredibly disappointed with people today. My husband and I have a friend that's having a tough time and you know what - I'm pissed off that anyone would act with such callousness and hate for another human being. What really pisses me off is that its a woman doing this to her ex. I mean, its over, move on with your life. Beating someone else in the ground will not better you. And just in case you haven't been made aware of this there is thing called Karma. It will get you, I promise and I've already put my name in for a front row seat and a bag of popcorn to watch your demise.

The little cat Cagey who is just getting over a giant wound from his last war with one of the neighbors cats, has come home with a new giant wound. Luckily it is in the shaved area already, so maybe I can avoid another trip to the vet. The antibiotic shot he got is still in effect, so maybe I'm saved another vet bill.

I did manage to watch Private Practice & Dirty Sexy Money last night. YEA! I kind of liked what they did with Private Practice making it a little more edgy with moral dilemmas. I'm kind of wondering what happened to the blond chick - the twin on DSM. I mean where did she go? Did we just lose a character or what? Not as excited with DSM as I was last year. It may get marked off my list if it doesn't improve soon.

Presents? For me......?

OK, yes they are for me, I bought them. Fortunately, not with my own money! Yea!! Someone else's money. That is the best kind. True Fact!

So I spent the rest of my William Sonoma Gift Card from my birthday last night. Got my first piece of All Clad. WHOO!! HOO!! An 11" French Skillet. I also purchased a salad spinner - that was really for the husband and he's in charge of salads. I know that is a strange comment, but he likes salads and he's always wanted one, so I made him happy and me happy.

That is a win-win situation if I've ever heard one. OH NO, did I just say something positive. The world must be ending.