Me, Myself & I

2012: So Far, So Good

2012-01-22T20:27:00.000-06:00

Sounds kind of ~meh~ doesn't it? Well, it's not, it is what it is so far - it's pretty good. This year started with a bang. I started a new job. Not as stressful as one might think, as I didn't really leave the company. I am now working exclusively for one Real Estate Agent and not a 150 and in a different capacity. I'm absolutely loving it. I got to keep all my old work friends! I'm still learning but it's fun, and much lower stress. I can't wait to see what this year brings on the work front. I'm sure that will pop up here from time to time. The only thing I haven't quite gotten used to is the amount of time I've lost with my children. They are only this age once, but at the same time, they are old enough that they need to experience a little of me time. I hope they use it wisely.

When I write this you will probably think I'm a lunatic, but here it goes: I went to a Middle School Reunion. Well, not exactly Middle School, but close enough. Those of us that were there went to school from about 3rd grade to 9th grade together before splitting up and going to different high schools. There were probably about 16 or 17 of us and it was truly a blast to see all of them. They had such influence on the way I turned out. I can't wait to get together again.

2012 Photo Challenge

2011-12-28T10:38:00.000-06:00

I wanted so badly to complete another 365 project in 2011, but it just didn't work out between life & school it was too much for me. Well, I've finished school - YEA!!!! -and I'm ready for my next challenge. I've also started a new job, so my time is somewhat limited. But between me and my friend Ingrid we came up with a great idea. If you haven't been there - check out my photo blog.

We are going to complete a photo challenge for the year 2012. We post 2 photos a week, any day of the week and post the link to your photos on Twitter with the has tag #POTW52. Each month will have a different theme so that we can work on some of the things that we feel can always be improved on. There is also a flickr group - "Friends Photo a day challenge" If you don't have a twitter account leave us a message with your flickr name & we will add you to the group.

The Challenge starts January 1, 2012 and will go through the whole year. January's theme is Black & White images.

Hope you can join us!

The Corner of Glory & Freedom

2011-11-11T11:40:00.002-06:00

Today is Veteran's day and for me it deserves a little more than a 140 character remark on Twitter or a few sentences on Facebook. We as Americans owe our Veterans. They have protected us, they have fought for us and more importantly they have sacrificed themselves in various ways for our country.

Those of you that know me, know I've been researching my family tree, in conjunction with other members of the family who are all working on different branches. What has struck me more than anything is the number of people in my family that not only served their country, but fought in wars. I have family in Germany that fought in the Napoleonic wars, and then served as border guards in what is now Serbia, before they emigrated to the US. Just last night I was reading the Revolutionary War Pension files for two of my relatives and found that all four of the brothers in that family fought in the Revolutionary War - one under George Washington's command according to the writing. My great-great-great grandfather fought in the Seminole War. I know of 4 that fought in the Civil War. I can't even begin to give you the numbers for WWI and WWII, but one of the cousins was killed in action in Saipan. My uncle fought in Vietnam. My dad, was overseas as a Medic in the Army, thankfully not in any combat. He spent 2 years active duty and 4 years in the Reserves.

I find when I walk through a cemetery and I always bend down and clean the headstone of a veteran. Yesterday while walking through my favorite cemetery I stopped by the War of 1812 veteran to show my respect. I found a gentleman who fought in the 14th Illinois Infantry during the Civil War who hadn't been listed in the databases so I placed him up online. Maybe someone in his family will find out where he's buried now.

It shouldn't take a holiday to remind you that our veterans are special, remember them year around.

I feel blah

2011-11-02T17:39:00.003-05:00

Today was one of those days I wanted to stay in bed and let pass by me, but I have carpool duty this week so I had to get out of bed. I will say that I drove the kids to school in my pajamas and a robe - my rebellion for the day. When I got home I jumped back into bed and stayed there until the phone got me up. Even then I decided the cat that was curled up next to me needed some "extra" love so I stayed in bed for him.

I did accomplish a few things today. I went to Target. I needed a few of the important things, but not important enough that I had to go full-fledge grocery store. I also managed to not look like a complete dump at pick-up. It is a rare day that I pick up in anything other than "work-out" garb. ( I put quotations around work-out because they are rarely used for that purpose.) I also accomplished cooking dinner today, which usually falls to my most fabulous husband, mainly because he likes hot food and I lack imagination most days.

I got in a fight with my mom. I get to go to a middle school meet & greet. Woo Hoo! Hopefully I won't wake up at 2 AM in a cold sweat remembering 7th grade.

Before & After Great-Great-Grandpa

2011-10-22T16:44:00.000-05:00

Here's great-great grandpa before & after. I'm totally impressed with my tie!

Before and After

2011-10-22T12:33:00.000-05:00

This week, we had a cousins reunion to work on our family tree. The most wonderful gift of all was a large portrait of my great-great grandmother. She was quite beat up when I first got her, but with a few hours of work, I think I've fixed her up nicely. Can't wait to share it with everyone. I can't wait to see what my mother said about my work.

Thinking on a Thursday.

2011-10-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

I so am going to start writing here more. It has been at least 6 weeks - I've missed my blog therapy.

To bring you up on what I am doing, well the easy answer is sliding slowly into oblivion. Between school, my children, my husband - baseball, no basketball, hockey, dead people (ancestry) and work my life is pretty much insane. My school is busy and almost finish - well at least this part of it. The kids & my husband are a constant so that really isn't out of the ordinary, except that my husband is working constantly on influencing their sense of humor in ways that can only be described as LOUD. Baseball - can't I just say TEXAS RANGERS and leave it at that? No basketball, ugh.....hockey, I feel weird that it is hockey season without flipping channels to watch basketball during the commercials. Work - well work is work. I've been there 16 years so it really isn't that bad, just different. The company has reorganized a bit and with the death of one of the founders.....sigh.....its sad to go in sometimes.

I still get out and take pictures on a regular basis, but I find that I have less and less time to be creative. I'm looking forward to a break in school so that I can concentrate on all I have gathered in my brain and do something with it. Hopefully, I haven't worn my brain out or burned up too many brain cells stressing about stuff that won't matter tomorrow.

Humor Fail.

2011-08-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

I have this lovely lovely person in my office - oh and by the way she's lost 3 inches in her waist - me I ate all the candy that my friend G left in my drawer at work, so I've basically screwed myself of all the calories that I worked of on Thursday during my walk. Any way this awesomely wonderful girl, calls me today and says she's been reading my blog and tells me I'm so funny.

You realize that I have to post something funny - the problem is when you try to fail. Miserably. So in honor of me failing to be funny I'm going to post a link to the funniest blog post in the history of the universe (well, at least July). Jan - read this......

Diet & Exercise Fail

2011-08-25T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'm calling myself out - the kids went back to school and I'm still not exercising. I'm still carrying the pregnancy weight from my youngest child and since he's hit 3rd grade, I probably need to get off my butt and quit talking about it. The problem?

carbs
wine
i'm on the wrong side of 40
chocolate

I could go on and on and on, but that's not really an excuse. I'm sucking it up and I'm off to walk at least 4 miles. Well, as soon as I finish my coffee.

Things to do when the high is 110.

2011-08-02T20:48:00.003-05:00

No that is not a typo - it was 110 degrees here today. It was 109 yesterday and tomorrow it is going to be 111. So if you don't live in a place that sees this kind of weather let me tell you what you should do.

STAY INSIDE AND READ, POST TOO MUCH RIDICULOUS THINGS ON FACEBOOK INCLUDING THE 7 DAY WEATHER OUTLOOK OR WATCH TOO MUCH BAD TV.

Well, I've done 2 of the 3, I will start #3 as soon as I'm done here. Unfortunately this is NOT what I did today. Here's what I did and whether it was smart or not.

Drank hot coffee with breakfast even though it was already 95 degrees outside. SMART, see caffeine.
Took a shower & washed my hair. NOT SMART, drying your hair causes you to sweat and need another shower.
Take your child to the eye doctor & spend 3 hours in the office. BOTH. Smart, because H2 needs his eyes checked, Not-smart because when we got into the car it read 119 degrees.
Going to a cemetery to take pictures of tombstones for find-a-grave at 4:45 in 109 degree weather. You can figure this out, but the kids behaved pretty darn good in the funeral home & luckily the graves were in an air-conditioned mausoleum so not to bad.
Water the yard. NOT SMART. See moving the water & the yard is already hay.

What did you do today? And did you post a picture of your 7 day weather outlook? Oh and notice the time on the iPhone when this was taken.

I'm so confused and I think I might be my own cousin.

2011-07-30T22:28:00.000-05:00

I've been singing that song "I'm my own grandpa" all day. Do you remember it? Well its stuck in my head. Why you ask? Well, I'm doing my family tree. My mother did some work on my grandfather and then started on her own family tree with her cousin. I got left my grandmother's family tree. Well as you know when you are doing detective work - and trust me this is detective work - you hit dead ends and you turn around and go another direction.

So between the three main families that I'm researching - they intermarried 8 times, that I've found so far. I realize back in the day you didn't travel far, but I mean spread out the gene pool. Get some new blood. I recently found a cousin who's descended from my great-grandfather's sister. And I found that these families intermarried even more. Granted when you have 8 or 9 kids it's not as bad as I make it out to be, but I think the family tree is kind of loopy. I mean how do I show that one person's brother married that person's niece and her brother married that person's sister--in-law who is at the same time the first person's sister - or something along those lines.

I'm so confused I think I'd get lost in the lines traveling from one branch to the other. I think I need an assistant or my mommy or something. "Calgon, take me away!"

Everyday can't be a winner

2011-07-23T16:44:00.000-05:00

Today has not been my day. I can't win, I'd been thinking of some kind of phrase to start this off but I could decide between:

"Damn it all to hell!"

"Crap!"

"Well, shit."

So instead I'll say today has not been my day and leave it at that. It's really more lady-like. If you have a better idea, I'm happy to take suggestions.

Cemeteries, Boxer Shorts & Not Cooking Dinner

2011-07-15T15:42:00.000-05:00

I forced my two young children to brave the heat and go cemetery hunting today. I love cemetery hunting, there is always a good picture in a cemetery - well, most of the time. And as I have been working on my family tree cemeteries have become even more of an obsession as of late. So, I chose a cemetery I hadn't been to in a long time and tried to hunt down some photos for find-a-grave. Well, no go. My boys and I trudged up and down the rows looking for two little graves in the oldest catholic cemetery in Dallas without luck. I often comment that I'm hunting dead people in my family tree search. When you do that for yourself and you know how frustrating locating something can be you want to be able to help people do the same in their search. If trudging through a cemetery can help someone else....who am I to deny myself the pleasure of helping someone else in their search. It's really kind of pleasing to do something nice for other people. In fact I wish more people thought of other people on a daily basis.

Now I'm totally thinking of myself after showering (trust me after an hour in the Texas sun in a cemetery it was needed) and dealing with my oldest's heat rash. Seriously - its a million degrees in Texas, even before lunch. It feels like hiking on the planet Mercury. I'm sitting here wondering how I can get away with remaining in my husband's boxer shorts and promotional Dallas Stars t-shirt until bedtime; without coming across as completely anti-social or a boring old hag who has nothing better to do. Well, I might not have anything better to do, I'm sure I could come up with something, but the heat has reduced my will to do nothing but maybe hold up my Kindle until I'm forced to try and get out of slaving over a hot stove for dinner.

WHO REALLY WANTS A HOT MEAL IN 104 DEGREE WEATHER?

Seriously. Can't we just have a salad or wine, cheese & fresh bread. Maybe a frozen margarita & chips and salsa. Any of that works for me. Will someone call my husband....

I'm a dangerous mom.

2011-07-13T18:49:00.000-05:00

So my favorite family member that is not related to me, gave me & my boys the most wonderful book the last time I was in SA. 50 Dangerous Things (you should let your children do). We've had so much fun doing little things that the book says are dangerous. The kids even spent a little time doing blogposts themselves about their latest adventure.

Being extra adventurous this week, I cleaned out the hall closet and found an old printer that refused to print any more. So we chose to have a little fun doing #34 Deconstructing an appliance. My mom and Margie have bought some small ones for when we get back to SA, but this was good practice. At first they just wanted to get it in pieces until I sat down with them and talked about learning how they are put together and what goes where and why. The next time we do this we should learn so much more.

So far we've licked a 9-volt battery, driven a car, spent an hour blindfolded, and learn the art of swordplay. Hmm, maybe we should whittle next - but hopefully with pa-pa in charge.

Question of the day

2011-07-12T12:00:00.000-05:00

Why is it so incredibly hard to get kids to help around the house? I have pondered this question over and over and over, all while plotting the demise of the children who ignore my existence while it is clean up time. They won't go outside to save their lives - but if they can get out of picking up a wet towel they will brave 105 degree Texas heat to avoid the task.

I'd like to blame it on ~~that guy I married~~ my wonderful husband. Actually he is quite wonderful - unless he is disciplining the children - which is NEVER - or if he's playing video games - because no one must interrupt video games. NO ONE. Although, I have less respect for the guys he plays Battlefield with, as last night I discovered they were drinking wine. I love wine, but any self respecting soldier in the middle of war should not be drinking white-wine spritzers. Beer, Bourbon or Scotch - that's pretty much the only options for soldiers.

Sorry, I got distracted, back to the lazy children. How do you make lazy children clean up?

Enjoy Today

2011-07-07T12:40:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted on this thing for a million years it seems like. Maybe because life is going well and my need to vent is less than normal or maybe because I've melted in the heat in Texas. I swear if you go outside with a Popsicle it will have dripped down your arm before you can walk three steps off the deck into the grass. I'm looking forward to rainy September days, cold fronts & iced beverages.

Enjoy today!

The Second Best Soup in My House

2011-03-08T16:09:00.000-06:00

The first - GERMAN SAUSAGE SOUP, but that is not what's cooking in my house tonight. My husband's Bubbie used to make the most fabulous barley soup in the world. It was thick and flavorful. Her trick - blend the vegetables so the boys didn't know what they were eating. So I often make this soup and put everything I can think of in it. Today I'm making Beef Barley Soup. I'm using the left over roast & trimmings from Sunday's Pot Roast dinner.

BEEF BARLEY SOUP

It's different every time - which is the beauty of it. Here's what I did tonight. I took the left over pot roast and chopped it up and set it aside. I sauteed an onion & a garlic clove in the soup pan with a little olive oil. Then poured the left over liquid, carrots and onions from the pot roast and added a little water. I then chopped up some celery, some fresh green beans & threw in a handful of spinach for a little extra anti-oxidants. Cook till all the vegetables are tender. Get out the ~~boat motor~~ hand-blender and blend until smooth. Add the left over pot roast and barley (however much it takes to make a hearty soup) and cook till barley is tender. Serve with a warm loaf of fresh bread.

It's truly awesome.

Now sometimes I add potatoes, turnips, leeks, pinto beans if I don't have any beef. Mushrooms, a can of tomatoes, broccoli anything you have on hand. Make it up as you go along - that is the beauty of it. And the best part, your kids (and husbands) are eating all these healthy vegetables and they don't know it.

Time to vent....

2011-02-10T11:10:00.000-06:00

I would probably do better if I posted more regularly on this blog. I need a place to vent and throw stuff out there. I need advice. I need people to reign me in before I go all crazy loon on a particular issue. That being said, I need to let loose.

My baby is yet again not being given a fair chance. He's got vision issues, you've heard that before. But this year as room mom, I've seen a whole different side of education and I'll tell you I don't like it one bit. My child is in an exemplary, blue ribbon elementary school. SO WHAT. He's gotten farther behind, because of either lack of funds, lack of interest in forwarding my child, a total lack of communication between parent & teacher and lack of follow up with special education.

I find disorganization from the teachers appalling. Several of us moms made ourselves available to the teachers to make their copies for them, to do folders, to take some of the daily busy duties away from them so they could focus on our kids. The problem, they couldn't get organized enough to let us help them, we sit there and waste our time waiting on them. We go up to help and instead of having a stack of stuff ready for us they are still conferring on what homework will be ready to go home that afternoon - mind you it is 30 minutes until the school day is over. There is a lack of control by the teachers in some of the rooms, there is a lack of organization from most of them, there is too much yelling. And my personal favorite, the reading teacher who doesn't turn her light on in her classroom.

@*&$(# !(#$&# *$&@#!

I'm waiting patiently for the Special Ed coordinator to call me back. I've talked to the assistant principal, I'm trying really hard to compose an email to the teacher that is basically now the bane of my existence. I have to take care of this logically and without emotion, and that is h-a-r-d for me. I want to go in there guns blazing and with a take no prisoners attitude. Don't tell me I need to homeschool him, I am no teacher and never will be and private school is not an option. This school needs to be completely and totally aware of the fact that they are stuck with my kid and I can only do so much and that depends on communicating to me what his problems are. You will have to explain his test scores to the world when he fails and you lose your coveted exemplary, blue ribbon status. YOU AND YOU ALONE.

My firstborn is 10!

2011-01-23T22:58:00.001-06:00

My firstborn is 10 today. I'd like to tell you his birth was all wine and roses, but alas, its more like George Carlin doing a stand-up routine about Richard Pryor lighting himself on fire. Yes, it was fabulous, earth-shattering and amazing, but it wasn't perfect.

Monday, January 22, 2001 I was at work. I was fat, I hadn't seen my feet in months and felt about as sexy as Rip Taylor would look in a g-string. I was going that evening to see my Dallas Stars whip up on somebody over at Reunion arena and I told the whole office I was not coming in Tuesday because I was bound and determined to be not pregnant. We were 5 rows off the glass. Now, if you ever saw a hockey game at Reunion Arena you know that 5 rows off the glass was down at the bottom of a very long staircase. I was 37 weeks pregnant, and well you really don't want to know how many times I had to walk up the stairs to go to the bathroom. Then when we left the arena, I walked up 4 flights of stairs to the car, because 1) I was surprisingly energized & 2) I didn't want to wait for the elevator. Somewhere on the way home my hormones got the better of me & well, lets just say The Husband went to sleep on the couch that night.

Somewhere along the time the 22nd became the 23rd the pain began. Just a little at first twinges on the sides of my gigantic stomach. About 3 AM I called to The Husband who was not ready to speak to me again. by 6 am I was miserable and told said husband to get his ~bleep~ off the couch and get in here. We then called the doctor and were on our way to the hospital to have the kid. ~~FYI, I passed my office manager in Monday morning traffic on the way to the hospital. I don't think I've ever mentioned that before.~~ Then got the hospital and my blood pressure was something normal over 91. Well it was the 91 that got me. The doctor decided to break my water and get on it with.

Well, we didn't get anywhere.

I eventually got an epidural - Sorry, I have a high tolerance, but there is no way we are going to have that much pain in THAT AREA and not have drugs. Sorry for all you natural childbirth people, but I wanted drugs. The nurse in the labor & delivery room wouldn't up the pain meds so I laid in that labor & delivery room in pain and not progressing. After about 3 days (really about 12 hours) the evil thing with a stethoscope said to push & well 2 & 1/2 hours later they went for tools, 15 minutes after that I'm being straddled by some blonde nurse ~funny that I remember blonde~ with her hand pushing the kid in place (yes, girls - that way) and being pushed (at a full run) by I don't know how many people down the hall to an OR.

My son was "sunny-side up" or upside down. His spine was along my spine and basically got stuck. I want to say this, my doctor - the one that wasn't on call - came up to assist with the emergency C-section. She came in all scrubbed up, looked at me and said, "You will do anything to get out of an episiotomy."

I of course laughed my evil laugh and said "I told you that on my first pre-natal appointment."

She replied with, "I didn't believe you'd take it this far."

I remember being strapped in; I remember being freezing & shaking; I remember my husband asking "What's that?" and being told "Her bladder." The next thing I knew I was being shown a naked, screaming child with a cone-head. An honest to goodness cone-head. It was from the forceps, and the little cute cap they stick on only covered the cone part of the head - you are trying to imagine this in your head right now, and yes, it was that bad.

I didn't get to hold him right away as I was strapped to a table, and all I can tell you is you don't really forget the birth - you don't forget the pain. It hurt, well, until I got the good drugs. I still laugh every time I think of what my doctor told me about the episiotomy and that the word bladder came up during delivery. I still can't believe she came up to the hospital when she wasn't on call. What I really can't believe is that it has been a decade and this cute little boy is still causing trouble.

I'm sure that The Husband will remember it completely different. I will say this, my boy E is special and I wouldn't trade him, his daddy or his little brother for anything.

Welcome to my 2011

2011-01-05T19:13:00.000-06:00

Hello old friends. I've missed my time here lately, I hope to be back here more often in 2011. I'm going to be honest 2010 kinda sucked. Why you asked? I actually spent time in the hospital for a reason other than birthing babies. That was new to me. My baby got smashed in the face by a 9 iron. That was an experience. Too many people died. Too many people have been diagnosed with cancer ~ one very closer than you would think ~ but who prefers to remain anonymous. Its not all bad, treatment for ANON has finished and quickly and outlook so far is very positive, but it affects you. More than you realize. Your office mate having cancer and a family member having cancer are two different things. It makes you realize what is important, put things in perspective and unfortunately makes you tear up at the most inopportune times.

I'm starting another 365 project taking pictures and posting everyday. Looking forward to getting back in the groove and creating something amazing. I'm also addicted to Words with Friends. Code name: dijea if you ever want to play......

My resolution for 2011: Make somebody laugh every day. Laughter is after all the best medicine. Here's hoping that 2011 is pretty stinking fabulous!

I also noticed while finishing this post that somewhere I have a tag for underwear....I might need to go back and read that entry.

The Factor Tree

2010-12-05T12:25:00.000-06:00

I am a BZZAGENT. I review products, websites etc. and was recently offered a trial membership at The Factor Tree through BzzAgent. My kids took the intial tests and were quite captivated by it. They spent a while getting tested for the right skill level and told me they couldn't wait to get on it again. Honestly, between Thanksgiving and Hannukah holidays as well as school commitments, we haven't been back on. But I think it is a truly worth the time and effort to check out. And below you can get a two week free trial. Don't hesitate to check it out.

Use "BZZAGENT" for a 2-week trial at thefactortree.com, the better way to teach kids math! http://u.bzz.com/c252h

HOLYSMOKES!

2010-11-10T20:41:00.002-06:00

OMG!Ihaven'tbeenaroundinawhile.Schoolisinsane.Iamsick.Theoldestchildissick.Husbandisannoying.Busy.Busy.Busy.Ican'tkeepgoinglikethisorIwillendupinthenuthouse.WhatkindofnutamIthatIchosetoobligatemyselflikethis?AGH!IAMGOINGCRAZY.

The glass is half full

2010-08-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

Today is a good day. I find I am having more and more good days, with better overall attitude. It really is a mindset. Get up and tell yourself its going to be a good day. When life offers you a choice, take the positive one - especially if that choice is an emotional one.

Its so much more fun to be happy than sad. While I've always considered myself an optimist, I haven't always portrayed myself that way and I'm trying more and more every day to put forth the image I have in my mind. Its not always easy, but more and more I'm succeeding.

And I love it.

Well, at least lunch was good

2010-07-26T13:01:00.000-05:00

Today is a really hard, really emotional day for me. Why? I don't really know. I sit here at my desk ignoring all the things I should be doing - except laundry - a wife/mother can never escape the laundry. I want to be exploring nature, I want to be taking the most amazing photo that I can get lost in later. I want to be healthy (wealthy & wise). I don't want to be cleaning my bedroom. But then who really wants to be doing that?

Its a grey day here, which only translates to its not as hot in TX as it usually is, but exceptionally humid.

I didn't sleep Friday night, I passed out from exhaustion on Saturday night, then again last night spent last night up, again. That is probably my problem, lack of sleep. Well, this therapy session is going well isn't it?

I did accomplish a HUGE feat today. My kids ate what I consider a great lunch. We had bread with olive oil, fresh strawberries, some apple, sliced cucumber & two different kinds of cheeses. They agreed it was an awesome lunch and that we should have a picnic somewhere with a lunch like this. Beats frozen pizza and processed lunch meat. YEA...

And, unfortunately....back to cleaning that bedroom.

Worries

2010-06-29T16:40:00.001-05:00

There are days that are sometimes just hard. This whole week has been hard for me. I so over-think and worry when something is up with the H man. He's hurting - he won't cooperate. I can force him to do what he wants and he whines & cries or I can not and he whines & cries. I'm up all night due to the problems he has sleeping/breathing. I don't know why I worry about him 10 times more than I do E. I just do. Maybe it is because I had trouble with him from before he was born. Maybe it is the hand he's been dealt. Not that he would tell you he is any different from anyone else.

I'm overwhelmed and I can't get any perspective. I'm not sure which way to turn and I'm not sure where to go from here. Maybe I just needed to get that out. Maybe I'm just a crazed mother who's worried about her baby.

If you aren't sure what I'm talking about - click the title. It will explain it all.

How I Spent My Holiday Weekend.

2010-06-01T21:04:00.000-05:00

Stiff neck. I had one for about two weeks, I figured I slept wrong, you would probably think the same thing. Unfortunately, that was not the explanation. Saturday, I woke up stiffer than usual with almost no range of movement in my neck. I sucked it up, got dressed and went to work. Went through the whole day carefully. Turned my whole body instead of my neck when people talked to me. Went home, hot shower, heating pad, little relief. At 2:30 I could take it no longer. I had my husband take me to the ER, the kids unfortunately had to come too.

I was released from the ER at 8 am Sunday morning. I called the office and let them know I wasn't going to be in that day, which is extremely unusual for me. I NEVER call in sick. Sunday at 8pm the pain had doubled and we dropped the kids off at my sister-in-law's and we went back to the ER. A CT, MRI and 8 hours later I was in an ambulance being transfered from the small hospital to Downtown Baylor for an ENT & Neurosurgeon consult. I have an abscess of fluid in my neck between my spinal-cord & esophagus. Lots of IVs, pain pills and other things, I'm home. Not necessarily cured, but not stuck in a place where I have to be woken up every 2 hours to check my blood pressure & temperature.

We still don't know where it came from our best guess so far is a sinus infection that went wrong. There are still tests & cultures being run. I am lacking in stamina that's for sure, but I am looking forward to an uninterrupted sleep tonight in my own bed. I want to thank my husband who took awesome care of the babies and the house while I was in the hospital and my parents who were on call to come up if it went south. Although I would love to see them, I'm glad it didn't go south. I'm off to curl up in my comfortable bed and down my pain pill(s).

Don't take your health for granted like I did. Look what a sinus infection did to me.

Its over

2010-05-23T23:39:00.000-05:00

Well it has been about a month since I've been here last. I'd like to tell you all the things that have happened in the last month, but I'm not really there. Let's live in the moment. I watched the series finale of LOST. I'm not sure what I think. I will reserve judgment until I've watched it again. After watching I walked outside and climbed onto the trampoline and just watched the stars. The moon lighted the whole backyard and the clouds were very apparent. A few stars were in my view. The wind in the trees the only sound. Although I am not upset with the ending, I feel incomplete. ~sigh~ I want to crawl in the mud, and hold Jack. I can't believe its over.

"NOOOOOOO!" Dijea screamed.

What in the heck am I going to watch now?

School Project: Book Cover

2010-04-26T22:33:00.002-05:00

For my final Digital Imaging project I have to create a mock up of a book. Not just any book, but a real book that has been re-designed. I'm pretty excited about what I created so I'm going to show you. See school is paying off!

What do you think? See the original here.

AWESOMENESS & Being Blocked

2010-04-24T23:30:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was awesome. I had a good day, got a few things done, didn't do a few others. Took a 5 mile walk around the lake, something I completely love and haven't managed enough of over the last few months. The weather has finally been nice enough, but the two days I don't have school my husband's work schedule has changed and I'm not able to do my exercise. Well, it has made a world of difference in my attitude. Yesterday I found the perfect picture, I found the "good hurt" unfortunately, I didn't sleep, but that's another problem.

I worked today, not bad. I was constantly busy, but not overwhelmed and my favorite boss came to see me. Charles is always such a happy sight to see that it just put the cherry on top of my sundae so to speak. (That's sounds a little weird, even to me.)

So what's my problem? I can't get the ridiculousness of Wednesday out of my head. You know what my problem is - I can't accept being wrong. I can't except it when someone doesn't see my point of view. And, I can't get over it when what I see as the something special in my art is what someone else sees as the fault in my art. So, instead I sit here with a sound project due in my multimedia class and I am DEAD BLOCKED. There is nothing that's going to get me out of this funk. NOTHING. On top of everything I'm half deaf and instead of dealing with my problem head on I want to attack from the flank. I also have a crap-load of homework due in other classes that this funk is affecting. I NEED A BETTER THERAPIST THAN ME!

So now you know my fault. I'm perfect & I live in an imperfect world and can't accept it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! I'll take any advice, or I'll be happy to come over for a margarita.

Um, do they still make Calgon? I need it to take me away.

2010-04-13T16:51:00.001-05:00

I'm having one of THOSE days. Actually, I'm having one of those weeks. Why you ask? Well how about I just bullet point it for you:

There was a fire at the house on Saturday
I am WAY behind on my school work
I am having to deal with the school district regarding H2's diability
Emergency Vet Bill - need I say more
I just had a flat tire
The pollen count is ridiculously high (4000+)

Those are just the highlights and all this is since Saturday.

Someone, send me a bottle of wine.

Hi! Remember me?

2010-03-05T16:10:00.002-06:00

I can't believe its been almost a month since I've posted last. So much is going on. I'm back at school and finally think I've got this homework thing down without completely going insane. I have to thank THE HUSBAND who has been amazing and is cooking dinner all the time. Only God knows if I still could put a meal together in a pinch. Its been a while, seriously. Somehow in this mania, I have managed to keep up with my 365 photography project. I'm still having a ball. I also got a HUGE shout out as the Friday Featured Photographer on our illustrious leader Tasra Dawson's website. Please check it out if you are so inclined.

I promise, I'll be posting more since I've got my school groove going.

No Power & Brain Jellification.

2010-02-14T21:43:00.001-06:00

It's been a rough last few days. Thursday it started snowing & it didn't stop. We were out of electricity for 57 hours - I'm not kidding. Unfortunately, I know people who are still in the dark. At one point it was 45 degrees in my house. We were lucky enough that we had family in town willing to put us up. My sister & her husband offered, however we stayed with my husband's Aunt & Uncle who were kind enough to offer us a warm bed and meals for a couple of days - it was WAY closer than my sister's place. We lost power at 9 am on Thursday, I was periodically coming home to feed and water the cats, make sure the house was still standing, hoping the electricity had come back on.

On Saturday, I came to the house to gather laundry to do because we had NOTHING clean or warm, or not wet - and I saw a pick-up with a power logo on it and chased it down. I spent 4 hours in 40 degree weather outside with no coat, talking up & flirting with Jerry - but when it all was said and done, the power was back on. I'm hoping that we don't experience that again. I am also hoping my friends get theirs back soon - they are toughing it out for their cat.

Wasn't the snow pretty?

I'm currently overwhelmed with homework for school. I can't even begin to tell explain the mush that was once my brain. All this creating images, when I take perfectly nice photos, but NOOOOOOOOO, we have to make stuff up in Photoshop. I have to make movies. I have to listen to this one professor talk and talk and talk....you get the idea. I'm giving up on trying to accomplish anything else today, I don't think I can comprehend anything else without total brain jellification. (Its a word) Wish me luck coming up with my BIG PROJECT for my new media. That one is going to be the death of me.

I have GOT to have a night out soon. No homework. No thinking. Just fun. Oh Jackie......

Charity Starts at Home

2010-01-29T09:45:00.000-06:00

What happened in Haiti is horrible. Absolutely horrible, I thank all the people who have donated, the doctors, the people who either have given money time. For the incredible outpouring of donations to the Red Cross. But I want to say something that will probably garner a lot of ill will - or controversy.

CHARITY STARTS AT HOME!

It has irked me for a while that there are tons and tons of rich Americans that are handing money hand over fist to other countries when there are people starving in the US. The homeless is growing faster than we can count the unemployment rate is ridiculous. Companies are sending their offices, call centers and factories overseas to cut employment cost and then wonder why people aren't buying their products. Well, I'll tell you why. The wonderful people who bought your products and services are out of jobs because you have given them to other countries. There are people who can't get medical care - and it doesn't have to do with a National Health Care Program - if you don't have a job, you can't pay for the anything the government is going to offer or the fine that comes from not buying it. We need help at home. Period. I have been unemployed since June 2, 2009. Not because I wanted to I had to quit my job, because it cost more to have my kids in daycare over the summer than I made working. That right there is a sad fact.

Since then looking for work has been an exercise in futility. I've sent tons and tons of resumes out. I've posted them on websites - I haven't gotten one call for an interview and I was employed by the same company for over 14 years. I can't even get an call from Walmart & Target. I have however been offered several opportunities to launder money. All of which I have turned down - I'm not stupid, but something better happen soon.

Companies, bring jobs back to the US, it truly is the only way to lower unemployment. China is poisoning us by cutting corners, call centers in other countries are just pissing off consumers because they can't understand who they are talking to. Don't try to gouge a profit from the people who are still employed because the ones teetering on the edge will fall off that cliff trying to fill a gas tank to get the little job they can find. BUY AMERICAN, EMPLOY AMERICAN. I can't say this enough.

Fill our food banks, start a fund for people who need medical care - hell just donate to the Red Cross for what they do in America - not other countries. Adopt kids in America who need homes - there is no need to go to another country to do it. Do you know how many kids are in need of homes or are in the Foster system? I just saw a TV report that said that people from Mexico (illegal or legal) that are in the US for jobs are having trouble finding them or keeping them and are returning in droves to Mexico. What does that say about the US if people are returning to the poverty in Mexico.

Wake up and smell the coffee - we are failing the people of the US. Stand up and fight for it.

10 things for 2010

2010-01-11T20:57:00.000-06:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I DON'T DO RESOLUTIONS. But I am going to take a page out of Nicole's book but put my own little twist on it. She recently marked off 3 things on her big to-do list and I thought maybe I need to make a list - just for this year. So here is my list:

Take a weekend, just for me. I'm not sure what this will be, but it will entail ME. It might be a spa weekend, or a by yourself hiking weekend or a weekend with a few friends, a weekend with my camera - or maybe a sexy romantic get-a-way with the husband.
Add Yoga to my regular exercise routine, minimum once a week.
Take the perfect photograph. I'm trying SEE HERE.
Read To Kill A Mocking Bird - I can't believe a reader like me has never read this book.
Take a day every month just for my kids & do anything and everything they want. They are in charge! (This is probably the scariest.)
MEET my a few of my online friends. Mindy & Jackie - this means you!
Step out of my comfort zone at least once.
Help a person in need.
Donate my time.
Re-landscape my yard.

While some look completely and totally exciting - some not so much. It gives me something to work for and well, maybe discover something about myself or someone else along the way. This mushy stuff gives me the willies - over & out.

Post #502

2010-01-05T16:45:00.000-06:00

I can't do anything normal - I should have screamed this is post #500 or something, but it got by me so here is post #502 on my blog.

Well, what has happened today... I've had a panic attack, I've probably had a nervous breakdown as well. My husband got angry at something neither one of us can control. I cursed (luckily no one was around). I did clean out & file a paper size box of filing. Woo Hoo! On the other hand, I have accomplished nothing else. I spent 1.5 hours trying to tame my hair, I only got it to Gilda Radner doing Rosanne Rosanna Danna.

I am going to the DFW January Blogger Get Together - if my husband approves. I have a PTA board meeting tonight. I have to give my inspirational quote. I've picked "You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore" by Christopher Columbus. Although I would prefer this Walter Cronkite quote, "And that is the way it is.", because, well it fits today. I'm not sure if anyone in the room would catch all that I mean by that so they are going to get Christopher Columbus instead.

I still haven't taken a picture for my photo blog yet....I guess I need to get moving.

Jeez, this year was suppose to be better.

2010-01-02T00:20:00.000-06:00

Wow, who knew last night's NYE post was #500. HMMM...

On a side note, this has been one hell of a past few hours. The husband is on call - his phone won't receive or make calls. Its 10 pm - no place is open. Its New Years Day - no technical support. January 1, 2010 - FAIL!!

Thank you-know-who there was still a glass of wine in the bottle. I'm going to attempt sleep now. Who wants to bet insomnia is going to win tonight?

Good Riddance 2009

2009-12-31T17:14:00.000-06:00

2009 sucked ass! Yes, mom, I just said it and I'm not taking it back. To say I had job troubles would be an understatement. In October of 2008 I got my hours cut in half, in April of 2009 I realized that I would be paying more money out in childcare over the summer than I would bring in so I turned in my notice. I've been out of work except for a few people in my office that have given me contract work. I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I have had a real estate license since 1998. It expires tonight and I'm not renewing it. The real estate market will get no better this year and I've never wanted to be a salesperson, I wanted to do my job better. My husband got screwed from his previous employer as well, but thankfully he is newly employed by a fabulous company with great benefits and things are looking up.

I have been hurt by what has occurred over the past year. My ego has been wounded. My confidence has dropped to nothing. But this is the end. THE END. 2009 is over in a little under 7 hours and from midnight forward, I am going to do something that is incredibly hard for me and I'm going to let it go. I'm only going to look forward and to the positive. My kids, my husband and I deserve that. So if I get all down-in-the-mouth - I want you to knock me around and point me in the right direction.

However, don't mess with my self-deprecating sense of humor. That isn't going anywhere.

Dear Mike Rowe:

2009-12-26T23:38:00.001-06:00

Back on the 9th of December I posted a little ditty about being able to buy a Mike Rowe cardboard cut-out from the Discovery Channel. This was one of the responses. Ever since then after a million and one laughs, I threatened my husband with doing just that every night before I went to bed.

I'll wait while you watch......

Well, last night I was this close..... when one of the kids came in and woke me up.

Sigh.....I'm going to try again tonight.

I need some justification

2009-12-17T21:27:00.000-06:00

Saturday - tickets go on sale for two of my favorite bands. TWO. Yes!!! Wait for it....

SILVERSUN PICKUPS IS OPENING UP FOR MUSE. AND THEY ARE GOING TO BE IN MY TOWN!

Ok, so technically its the town next to me, but I'm willing to drive 1/2 an hour. I'm also willing to spend money I don't have to see the BEST LIVE BAND EVER. The only problem is justifying it. I don't think I actually can, so if the ticket fairy is out there anywhere.....I need to see MUSE. Seriously.

Did you know I like wine?

2009-12-10T16:40:00.000-06:00

If you've read my blog at all you know I like wine. Red wine. I also like margaritas and vodka and NO, I am not a total lush, but I play one on TV. HAHAHA! Guess what? I have an empty liquor cabinet/wine cellar. OK, I don't have a wine cellar. I WISH I had a wine cellar, but I do have a place where I put the bottles.

Anyway, we never go anywhere for New Year's Eve. I hate, Hate, HATE crowds and drunk people (unless they are me). And it never fails that the time I draw designated driver its the worst possible party on the face of the planet with a bunch of drunk people who can't talk or has any form of intelligence what-so-ever. Its also next to impossible to get a babysitter.

So I'm thinking of killing two birds with one stone, and possibly my sanity at the same time. A kids sleepover. Yes, on New Year's eve. The genius in my plan: Admission to the New Year's Eve Sleepover at my house - a bottle of your finest ______. One - parents get to go out with no kids and I get to restock the liquor cabinet/wine closet.

I haven't run it by the husband yet, but I think its a winner. Dang, I'm inventive.

These didn't make the grade.

2009-12-04T22:19:00.005-06:00

I've been concentrating on art. Yes, Art. I tend to get weird when I'm doing that. Loose focus on the every day matters. Its hard to be creative when its busy around you. Kids especially. Don't get me wrong. THEY COME FIRST, but when you are on a roll....

I've gotten some good feedback, no feedback - that's the hard part the no feedback. I like feedback. Good or Bad. Comments means people are looking.

Lately I've gotten more good photos than bad. That means I'm improving so any feedback anyone gives me good or bad will help me improve more. These are some of the pictures I liked, but didn't quite make the grade for the photo blog. Let me know what you think.

Enjoy!

Me: According to my iPod

2009-11-25T10:09:00.003-06:00

I stole this post idea from phairhead, who stole it from her blogger wife Cheeks over at http://alltheleatherkidswereloud.blogspot.com.

1. Go to Ipod
2. Press shuffle
3.Press play. No cheating. No skipping.
4.Type the song title for each category that has randomly appeared on Ipod.

Enjoy!!!

Opening Credits: Starlight: Muse

Nice way to wake up, Muse gets my blood pumping.

Waking Up: Nowhere Fast: The Smiths
Need Coffee

Average Day: Nearly Lost You: Screeming Trees

HMMM

First Date: Love is Stronger Than Death: The The
Well, I guess it was deep

Love Scene: I Caught Myself: Paramore

I always feel so much emotion from Paramore.

Fight Scene: Nothing Pure Can Stay: Audrye Sessions

I'd fail miserably if this was my fight song - shuffle-fail.

Breaking Up: Monkey Wrench: Foo Fighters

I would NEVER break up with the Foos.

Making Up: Clocks: Coldplay

I would make up with Coldplay

Secret Love: Hang Me Up to Dry: Cold War Kids

Life's Okay: I Wanna Be Adored: Stone Roses

Yes, yes & yes

Mental Breakdown: Pink Floyd: Time

Totally.

Driving: Feeling Love: Paula Cole

I must really love my car

Deep Thought: Werewolves of London: Warren Zevon

Not exactly deep thought - more flashback or Happy Dance, but the iPod doesn't lie right?

FlashBack: Electric Feel: MGMT

Okay...but it does have an 80's feel right

Partying: The Mind of Love: k.d. lang

This whole disc gives me a warm lovey feeling.

Happy Dance: CrushCrushCrush: Paramore

~~Dancing~~

Regretting: More Human than Human Rob Zombie

??? More like regretting this on my iPod.

Long Night Alone: Houses of the Holy: Led Zeppelin
~~~Smiles~~~I would be getting into trouble here

Final Battle: Lazy Eye: Silver Sun Pickups

I would be organized - and I would prevail.

Death Scene: The Pretender: Foo Fighters
At least I would go out with a BANG.

Closing Credits: William it Was Really Nothing, The Smiths
HA! HA! HA! - I do love the Smiths.

By the way by people, I feel that I'm off by one on many of the "subjects" does that mean I'm off kilter?

Filler

2009-11-19T21:19:00.001-06:00

Tired - nothing to say - going to bed.

At least I still posted.

14 years is a lot isn't it?

2009-11-18T16:49:00.003-06:00

I didn't marry that strong silent type - that compassionate man who sweeps you off your feet - that one that all teenage girls dream about - you know like Edward the vampire. Instead I married a slightly hairy Jewish amateur comedian with an addiction to video games and burping really loud at the dinner table.

He sings songs like - Corn Rollin', Chicken Chili Burger Fries - this is what I'm hungry for and Tacos. Actually, I don't think he's ever sung a song named Tacos - but I'll have him write one just for the occasion.

He stays up WAY to late. He likes to come home and sit in his recliner with one sock on (yes I said one sock - I call it the Michael Jackson sock look).

As appealing as that sexy silent man is, I know I would be bored in about 48 hours. So honey, Happy Anniversary - thank you for 14 great, 98% funny and 2% frustrating years.

That's it for me today.

2009-11-17T21:04:00.003-06:00

Today was just one of THOSE days. I'm going to invoke the Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

See you tomorrow.

62 Stitches

2009-11-16T19:49:00.004-06:00

George took 62 stitches after an argument between the boys. I'm not a trained surgeon, but I did the best that I could. I think he's going to survive. He now has a few "stuffing" underarm hairs and he probably won't have full range of motion in that arm, but as it was an almost 3/4 amputation, so I think it all worked out the best it could.

I'm half way through

2009-11-15T22:15:00.003-06:00

OMGI'mhalfwaythroughNaBloPoMo.Ialsohadlike7glassesofteaatdinneranditwasn'tecaffeinated.Notagoodthingforsomeone

alreadywiredonSudafed.Sicknessnobetter.

ButI'mwiredenoughtocleanoutaclosetrightthissecond.

The good, the bad and the tired.

2009-11-14T18:51:00.003-06:00

I had the most awesome afternoon, after a morning of sucking. The husband left at about 1:30 to go to the hospital because his mother who had been in ICU for the past week was being intubated. He got home at 4 and got up at 8 so he could take E to his soccer game. Bless his heart. I got the soccer party at 11:30. After that I came home and me and the two boys piled our bikes on the car and drove over to the lake.

9 miles around the lake without too much trouble. We had to stop a few time for water and just to rest and one final time for instructions on riding down the hill along side Garland Road. But they did beautifully, had a great time and got a little exercise. Hopefully we won't have trouble going to sleep tonight. It might not have been the smartest thing to do when you have bronchitis, but my body felt good getting the exercise - even if I can't breathe very well - and the weather was perfect. It was worth it because I had the best time with the boys.

On the mother-in-law front, we've just learned that she's had a heart attack this afternoon and is only using 35% of her heart - prayers are greatly appreciated. Her name is Betsy if you would like to personalize it - they are greatly appreciated.

Over the Counter Meds, Paranoia & untapped energy.

2009-11-13T12:10:00.002-06:00

I'm sure I've mentioned on more than one occassion - medicine/drugs are not my friend. Especially decongestants. Well, with stuffed or blocked everything I just plain can't function without a decongestant. So I chose the one that does me the least amount of damage.

SURPRISE. I'm slightly paranoid. I said it, I also have boundless amounts of energy, am talking about 90 miles a minute. Unfortunately I have no one to talk to so its all in my head. I'm not sure that's a good thing, but I can't help it. I've decided to use it to clean. I don't think I've ever accomplished so much that didn't need to be done or doesn't show. Cleaned out and organized the pantry. I somehow managed to empty the dishwasher while my eggs were in the pan and I didn't burn them - SEE?!?! Laundry, car, paperwork, trash. I would deserve a reward if I was not sick, but sick, I deserve the Congressional Medal of Cleaning and if there is not one, they should make one, just for me.

Dear President Obama: The unemployed or SAHM of the world need a special award for their tireless work and no salary.....

AAAAAAAAHHHHH! The linen closet is calling.

Sick Bed

2009-11-12T21:20:00.002-06:00

I went to the doctor this morning, because I woke up and felt like crap. I have no health insurance - DAMN ECONOMY - so I really have to feel bad to go. I have:

Bronchitis

Pharyngitis

A sinus infection

blocked eustation tubes

I got antibiotics & a 90 day supply of Xanax. I'm off to bed now.

NEWS FLASH

2009-11-11T21:09:00.003-06:00

I feel sick. I sound two octaves and "throatier" than Kathleen Turner. My ear drums might explode and I am officially going to bed. It also hurts when I cough, so I'm trying not to do that.

Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up all better. If not, I'm napping the WHOLE time the kids are in school.

Seriously.

There is never enough padding.

2009-11-10T21:43:00.004-06:00

I have a sensitive backside. What can I say - I'm a tough old bird, until it comes to my a**. I went bike riding Sunday, to the lake, then around the lake. I crapped out and decided that I couldn't make it up the big giant hill to come home. My husband was kind enough to come and pick me up and take me home - YEA HUSBAND! I'm pretty sure that I won't get that treatment a second time.

I've got a new back tire and today I went and got a big giant gel seat. It has been hell the past two days sitting on anything other than a pillow. Because my cheeks are still a little sensitive, I have a gel pad over the gel seat. I hope that will protect my precious trunk.

I'm going to start riding the lake a couple times a week in addition to my walking, so I can get the remainder of my baby weight off. I've gotten off 20 lbs so far. I'm looking forward to getting another 20 off.

Wish me luck.

Thank you allergens.

2009-11-09T21:18:00.002-06:00

I had absolutely no sleep last night. NONE. Why, you ask? H2 had the attack of the great coughing fits. More like attack of the swollen nasal cavities.

WOOT!

Ok, maybe not woot, but if you heard all the strange noises coming from that boy last night, you would be saying strange things too. At one point every time he breathed out he made a sound like popping a bubble. I won't tell you what it was, because you'll probably taste a little vomit in the back of your mouth, but lets just say it's gross.

He just started coughing again. I'm going to have SO MUCH FUN at 2 am again.

To retaliate or not to retaliate

2009-11-08T21:56:00.004-06:00

Remember Friday's blog: Bah Humbug. I think I can actually speak about the atrocities that occurred. I think, I'm not sure. We all know that I am not getting any younger. I wouldn't exactly call me ancient, but I'm no spring chicken. I still listen to "hip" music. New Music. I'm not like some my age who can't get out of their youth in the 80's. My true love is the Foo Fighters, and I'm trying to like Them Crooked Vulture. I love People in Planes, Muse, Flyleaf, Chevelle. I like me some music. I can still stay up late - yes, it might be because of the insomnia, but lets not go there.

Well, an agent in my office - you know the one I don't work in anymore - came up to me and told me she liked the grey streaks in my hair.

EXCUSE ME! GREY? STREAKS? WTF?

I nicely laughed and said they are there because I'm too cheap to color my hair. But I DO NOT have grey streaks. Yes, I have a few grey hairs. I have children for Christ's sake. Two, three if you include my husband, and I have earned these grey hairs. But seriously, who compliments another woman by saying how much they like their grey streaks? I should have slapped her or told her how much I liked the rolls around her ankles or maybe how much the age spots brought out the brown in her eyes.

The funny thing about this - she has a good 20 years on me. Does this mean I need to color my hair?

The Husband strikes again.

2009-11-07T19:58:00.003-06:00

My husband has been home for 3 days. He's going to be home another 3 days. I'm going INSANE. Insane I say. Its not so much that he's home, but he could be doing a million things. The garage seriously needs to be cleaned out. The backyard is in need of some work. I could so use his muscle on the planter boxes that need to be torn down.

DO I GET HELP? NO! What does he do, play pinball on Xbox 360 all day. In his defense he did clean up the glass from when the window got broken by the soccer ball today. He took the wheel of my bike and got it fixed, but he can't get the wheel back on. I wonder if I tell him I won't cook the bacon & onion sausage until he gets my wheel back on will motivate him. HMM, we all know his feelings about bacon.

He also cleaned off the top of his dresser. What kills me, he just threw everything in a garbage bag. I could have done that, faster and without the look what I did speech. I also had to go into that garbage bag to get all the stuff (including H2's asthma spray) that shouldn't have been thrown away.

We all know that I suck as a housewife. I wish that I had some June Cleaver in me. Its a rare day that I actually can channel my inner June, but occasionally I can do it. He however needs to take a class to get to Homer Simpson. (Bbased on a true story.) Thank God he can make me laugh. Otherwise.......

Bah Humbug

2009-11-06T23:56:00.002-06:00

Day 6 is a blogging bust. A BUST. I'm going to give up and try tomorrow.

I'mSoExcited.

2009-11-05T22:04:00.003-06:00

OMG!Iwenttothearboretumtodayandsawthemodelforthenew
children'sgarden.HolyCarp!Ican'ttellyouhowexcitedIamaboutit.
Iwantittobuiltrightnow.Iwanttowalkthroughthepathandwatchmy
childrenlearnandseehowexcitingitisgoingtobe.Iamthinkinginmy
headasfastasyouarereadingthisentry.Iamtooexcitedforwordsthat
Ican'tusemyspacebar.

The things we do for our children

2009-11-04T20:56:00.003-06:00

What in the holy hell did I get myself into today? My children share a room. Its all due to a mistake my husband and I made while house hunting, but that is a whole different story.

Anyway, my kids share a room. I am constantly changing that room because they are never happy. E has issues - he's like his momma - he worries about everything. Its too dark, something is going to come in the window, what if the cat is cold. H2 on the other hand is Mr. Hugs and Kisses, and really doesn't worry about anything (he gets that from The Husband). They have been bugging me for a month to move their room again. This time they wanted their beds together. So I started moving the bedroom today. 1st lets just talk the laundry involved in this. We all know Dijea doesn't like to do laundry. So this already threw the day in a tizzy. The new sheet, the new mattress pad the old sheets & blankets etc. I moved the dresser/desk & toy bin out so I could clean everything. I did the floors, baseboards, washed the curtains. I went to Home Depot got some zip ties and tied the twin beds together.

They loved it. 10 minutes after I turned off the lights they decided the bed was uncomfortable.

EXCUSE ME! ITS THE SAME STINKING BEDS, just tied together with plastic zip ties that cops tie up drunk people. How can they not be the same amount of comfortable that they were yesterday? I am still cleaning up the crap that didn't go back in their room and they are already wanting me to change it again.

It was a terrible no good very bad day, and I'm moving to Australia.

Day 3: A fabulous morning walk & laundry.

2009-11-03T20:37:00.003-06:00

This was my view this morning. My path. I spent an hour an 20 minutes, walked 5 miles and it was refreshing. I should be able to do this every morning. What a beautiful day!

Now back to laundry.

Day Two: NaBloPoMo

2009-11-02T18:54:00.004-06:00

For those of you not paying attention it is NATIONAL BLOG POSTING MONTH. Today is day two and much like the number my day has been all about seconds. Its like everything looks like its going to be great and it turns out to be not quite great but almost great. For example: Today was an amazing day. Perfect weather. Sunny 75 degrees. I worked a little, always like to be productive and bring home a little cash. Came home, ate a rather boring lunch - I thought it was going to be okay, but it turned out to be really unappealing.

Then I went out to take pictures because I'm also participating in Project 365. The premise is you take a photo(s) a day, read a page in your camera manual and look at an image every day of the year and you improve your photography. See my incredible fabulous photos here. I ran out - around the lake - took the every popular picture of my favorite foot bridge - then popped into the car to the bath house and bam did I hit the mother load - perfect shot of downtown over the lake - a ton of geese and 7 pelicans. I also brought my BIG LENS. Its a 1000 mm mirror lens my dad got back in the 70's. It fits my Nikon and shazam is a 1500 mm lens on the digital. Guess what haze. Everything was a hazy and with the big lens I couldn't get all of downtown. Can you believe it? I only got 3 buildings. I also went got some pictures of the pelicans, but I had the polarizing filter on and it just didn't work out right. I'm hard pressed to find what I want out of today's shots.

So I picked up the kids, my adorable little things mocked me at every turn. Do you homework was answered with, but Mom its nice outside. Don't you want us to spend time outdoors. Soon it won't be nice enough for us to get out of your hair. 1) WHAT? I mean seriously they are 6 & 8 where do they get this stuff? 2) Out of my hair is not a bad thing. Anyway soccer practice was cold and I was wearing flip flops. I ended up grabbing a pizza for dinner which blows the diet and when I had to go to Target for double sided tape for the PTA program entry I grabbed a bottle of wine, because well, its just been that kind of day.

This month better turn around soon, because between the Halloween candy and the pizza I may be in fat camp by December.

National Blog Posting Month.

2009-11-01T22:03:00.003-06:00

Hello peeps! Have you missed me? I've missed you. Guess what? I'm going to be here everyday - yes, I said it EVERYDAY! Why you asked. Everyone always asked I'm going to join in and participate in NaBloPoMo. National Blog Posting Month.

Woo Hoo! I have absolutely nothing in my head about what is going to be posted. Suggestions would be appreciated. Also I foresee at least one nospacebar post and probably a few cooking posts as I will probably have to take over the cooking duties in the house. UGH! I'm so uninspired in the kitchen these days. But my husband likes to cook full fat, I've got to get out of the full fat dinners.

Don't forget to give me a little comment love. I am always more fun with comments. I challenge you all to do the same and join me in National Blog Posting Month.

Does this mean I watch too much Bones?

2009-09-19T20:25:00.004-05:00

I am slightly obsessed with that fabulous little show on Fox - Bones. Well, over this year, thanks to TNT & my DVR recorded the first 3 seasons and have spent the last few months watching a couple of episodes a night. Unfortunately this has caused a few problems:

Problem 1: I'm an now even MORE obsessed than I used to be.

Problem 2: I only have 3 hours of HD recording left on my DVR and Season 4 starts on TNT Monday.

Problem 3: I am now dreaming about plot lines. Yes, dreaming about plot lines.

So last night after I drifted off to sleep after re-watching the Season 5 premier I had a dream about the flirtatious crime fighting duo. I woke up and sighed and wished that it would happen for real. If Hart Hanson hasn't come up with this idea, he is completely free to use my dream in the show. So you know how Booth kept checking on Bones when she identified her mother. Well, something bad happened to daddy. YES BAD. I don't know what, it was a dream. Anyway, instead of Booth going to Brennan, she went to him. She quietly sat down on the couch lifted up his arm, leaned into him with her head on his shoulder and stayed there until she fell asleep. Next thing in my dream it was morning and Booth was waking up on the couch with a crick in his neck and she started to stir.....and then the cat jumped on me wanting to go outside so I don't know how it ended. But it was hot. I know it would have been hot.

I need to get out more....or maybe get obsessed with House again.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh! Wake up People

2009-09-17T10:03:00.006-05:00

I was cleaning out my closet and found my soapbox. I don't often get up on said soapbox and rant and rave, but I just got off the phone with my grandma and well, it pissed me off. Not her, the media. My grandmother is 88 years old. She's pretty much house bound and gets everything she hears from TV. She believes everything she hears and ugh! I blame the media.

SHOCK JOURNALISM IS NOT GOOD. IT BREEDS HATE. IT GIVES FALSE IMPRESSIONS. IT TERRORIZES PARENTS.

I could go on and on and on. In the 60's, 70's and 80's you didn't hear about every single child abduction. I'm not saying that as parents we don't need to be worried, teach "stranger danger" or anything else, but the media scare the living daylights out of parents so that it seems kidnappers are on every street corner.

I've got kids running around my neighborhood with pellet guns shooting at other kids and mine. Because called the police (Is it wrong to rat out kids who behave this way?) the kid is now threatening to and I quote "barge into your house and beat the crap out of you, and your stuff." Violence breeds violence. I don't think many would disagree with me on that subject. So why does everything have to be so dang violent. We see nothing but the bad on National News, CNN, Fox. One channel criticizing another. Even in our government its all about power and knocking the other guy off the thrown. It disgusts me.

What really pissed me off is this new healthcare bill. While I agree there is a problem. The thought that the government is going to fine my family if we don't have healthcare is absolutely ridiculous. A while back I was employed, but due to rising childcare costs, I had to resign because I would have paid more for childcare over the summer than I made in salary. This month my husband's salary got cut by 30% - THIRTY PERCENT. With 2 unbreakable car leases and the company insurance for the whole family 1300 a month (I gave mine up so we are only spending $700 now) and no salary from me, and 30% less of a salary from my husband. We won't be able to afford healthcare. My husband has found another job, but healthcare won't be available for 3 to 6 months. I still won't have money in addition to our regular bills to pay for other healthcare until then. In an economic crisis - how can you fine people for not getting healthcare? Pray my kids don't get sick. Seriously.

I could rant, rave and but all it will do is raise my blood pressure. The problem is not getting healthcare - its having the insurance companies do what they are suppose to.

OH, and I have one thing to say to President Obama: Please be a better role model and refrain from using words like "Jackass" in public and with all this healthcare stuff going on you should really quit smoking. My kids commented the other day when they saw a picture of you "Look there is Obama with a cigarette, doesn't he know how stupid that is? Its gonna kill him." This from the mouth of an 8 year old.

Thank you for letting me rant - its cheaper than a therapist.

Goodbye, Gentle Giant

2009-09-02T20:38:00.004-05:00

I lost a friend yesterday. I have to be honest, I hadn't seen him in a while, this sweet gentleman from my office. He could bring a smile to your face just seeing him, he always had a happy word, never passed without a hug or a kiss on the cheek. I found out this week he wasn't well, and set aside some time to make contact, I didn't make it by before he died.

I remember when his wife died of liver cancer. I remember when he first ventured out after than complaining about the crazy widow-women bring him dinner all the time. Although you know he appreciated it, he would make jokes about having to keep up with them and their dishes. My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard him telling those stories. In fact I'm smiling, and a little teary-eyed at the same time thinking about it. I remember fond evenings after work with him and two others at "The Slounge". Paul with his gin & tonic - I don't ever remember him drinking anything else - always asking how things were and making me laugh. He had an infectious loud laugh, rich and full. I remember one year at the Christmas Party he brought a bag of blinking rings, passing them out to the women of the office. I could talk for hours about this sweet wonderful man. But instead, I'm toasting your memory Paul, giggling at those silly questions you used to ask me and praying for your family.

He was almost always the tallest man in the room, but that's not what made him stand out. He was a truly wonderful man and I will miss him. Goodbye Paul.

NEWS FLASH, I really am too old for the military.

2009-08-26T09:17:00.005-05:00

Could someone please tell me where all the time goes. Time used to go so slow when we were kids - now I turn around and its like a week later and I don't remember anything.

I've been trying to paint my bedroom for like three months. I have hunkered down the last week or so and done all the prepping. In fact this morning I finished the texturing and caulking. Now I have to tape off the trim for painting. I feel like I've made headway, however my cat is freaking out that the bed is in the wrong place. I can't sleep. Parts of my body hurt that well, shouldn't. My arms feel like noodles - my hand I think will never be the same after using the caulking gun. My butt feels like I've done a week on the stair climber. Seriously - its just prep work. I am either the most out of shape woman on the planet or I am old.

This morning I've made the kids breakfast, packed their lunches, dropped the kids at school - looked for the already missing lunchbox all over the school campus. I've made myself breakfast - started the dishwasher, finished caulking a window, textured the walls I patched. Started the laundry (YUCK!), taken out the trash. Its 9:23 am. I feel like a marine - you remember those commercials. We do more before 9 AM than you do all day. I hope it was the marines, maybe it was the army. For those of you that read regularly - you will know to say that I am not a morning person would be an understatement of vast proportions. I feel like I should get a nap, but I'm still wading through stuff all over the house. Maybe if I get off this computer I could actually accomplish the rest, maybe even bake a treat for the kids for when they get home.

Nah, my friend would say I'm scaring her and call me June Cleaver for a week.

While the kids are away....the mommies can play

2009-08-24T12:58:00.002-05:00

It has been a little while since I posted last. One big change since the last time I posted:

THE KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL!!!!!!

Holy Smokes it feels good. I'm trying to paint my bedroom - which has been a comedy of errors. Not that I'm screwing up its just every time I move a piece of furniture there is something else to patch, caulk or sand. Whoopee!

I have already been to the school 3 - that would be THREE - times today. Once for drop off, then off to a Bloody Mary party - I had a Mimosa (don't tell the principal). Then went back and organized school supplies. Brought home decodable readers that I tore out, folded and stapled. Sharpened pencils and went back up to the school to have lunch with both of my boys. Don't think I'm one of those over-achieving moms. I'm not. I'm more than happy to help out, of course it might be because I'm avoiding the mess that is my bedroom. I also am hoping that I'll be working soon and not have time to help out.

Who cares anyway, the kids are in school!!! The mommies can play again!

Maybe its a TOOMAH...

2009-08-15T11:08:00.008-05:00

I think something is wrong with me. SERIOUSLY WRONG. I'm feeling lovey-dovey. Yes you heard me right. I want to hug people and talk to people. I actually wrote that I loved my husband on Facebook. How pathetic is that? I do love him despite his addiction to video games and horror flicks - both of which I could totally do without. Oh and his propensity to burp at the dinner table - sometime even burp a sentence. Yes, he communicates through burps, well sometimes.

I am sarcastic and strange. Creatively obnoxious and well just plain different. I AM NOT LOVEY-DOVEY. Although I am a hopeless romantic. Didn't see that coming did you?

Except for this break so far today, I am cleaning - I think I even hear birds chirping. You'd think I was in a disney movie, except there is no way I would look as good as Amy Adams in curtains or get birds, squirrels and cockroaches to help me clean. Wouldn't that be nice? I might even go grocery shopping on a Saturday. Just because.

Okay, maybe not.

I have volunteered to make school packets next week. Am thinking about cleaning out a closet oh, and I'm going to paint my bedroom. What the heck is wrong with me? SOMEONE BRING BACK DIJEA.

Dear Hanes:

2009-08-03T20:31:00.005-05:00

I love the fact that you have come out with tagless t-shirts, underwear, etc., however I must say that your "tagless" underwear is not really tagless. WHAT?!?! you say? Its not - its a poorly designed (I really wanted to say crappy) iron-on patch that well, starts peeling after 1 washing and when it starts to peel - its starts to chafe. I'm just saying that there is a certain part of the anatomy you don't want chafing. I'm just saying that this is the reason I stopped wearing the really-really-really soft cotton underwear from gap body (which is really to die for) because their iron-on patch underwear started to chafe - now I am sad to say I purchasing some of yours just last month because I'd lost so much weight I went down a size in underwear (crowd cheers!!!!) I will have to dump them in a giant trash can because my I'm having a reaction to your peeling tagless underwear.

Feel free to fix it and send me some free ones, because I'm not buying ANY until I know they won't upset the delicate skin that is my sexy bum.

Thank you.
Me

I'll probably have to send a bottle of wine after this

2009-07-22T15:44:00.004-05:00

I almost fainted a little while ago. Seriously fell out of my chair in shock after reading a friends Facebook update. She follows this blog, and will probably read this and its not like she didn't put this out there on Facebook so I'll cross my fingers I won't get in trouble for posting this...

SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO COLDPLAY IS.

Yes, you heard me right. I immediately offered to enroll her in the Dijea School of Music. I am known for coming up with obscure band that are then mainstream 6 months later. I La-la-love music and seriously need to burn her some CD's or something, but then I stop and I wonder if I actually did that would she listen? If she doesn't know who Coldplay is will she know other bands like Band of Horses or Keane, should I even try to introduce her to Chevelle or the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Maybe a little Ting Tings.

In her defense, she listens to NPR, but so does my mother and why anyone would want to learn things or stay updated in this incredibly depressing time is beyond me, but then I'm shallow and have no drive so I guess that is my answer.

What if she's never heard Radiohead or The Foo Fighters? OMG, Where are my smelling salts?

Why does this always happen to me?

2009-07-22T13:38:00.004-05:00

There must be something wrong me - I know you've heard this before. Blah, Blah Blah Dijea is ranting again.

Well, I am.

I was suppose to go out of town today - leave the husband and take the kids to see Grandma & Papa. Well everything has gone to hell in a hand-basket. The SUV didn't get out of the shop, My phone has decided to absolutely stop working. Well, at least whenever it decides.

Just for the record this is the 4th iPhone I've had. FOURTH. My husband and I got ours at the same time. The first one I had to take back because it would never charge. Yippee!! The second one kept overheating and losing the touch pad. The third one had battery issues. Now this one is overheating and yesterday cut itself off. Completely. I didn't really want to go on a road trip with no phone. Understand? So instead I've fought with Apple for the better part of 3 hours over the stinking phone. I understand the warranty is for 1 year, but the phone I have is actually less than a year old, but apparently its out of warranty because the original one was bought more than a year ago. Does it make sense to you? Oh, and the supervisor was rude and said one of those impulsive we don't need your business kind of statements. NOT HAPPY! Not happy enough that I called corporate. I kinda feel bad, because he tried really hard to be nice he never raised his voice or anything, he just said the wrong thing at the wrong time then when I asked (more than once) for someone else, he refused to transfer me.

My husband never had a problem with his. I must be one of those people that has some weird magnetic issue. Timex watches never would work on me others yes, just not Timex. GGGGRRRRRRRRRRR! AGH! Any other noise that fits the mood, feel free to imagine.

Asserting Control or Just Stupidity

2009-07-20T12:25:00.005-05:00

Can I just rant a little about Crosswalks, crossing the street & safety?

This morning I had to go to Walmart and had to fill up with gas on the way. 1st stop light I saw a couple - the husband was dragging the overweight and obviously handicapped wife across the street in the crosswalk. Why would I mention this - because it was against the light. What an idiot to literally drag a woman who is not capable of making fast time across the street against the light.

Then I got to the gas station and filled up and started to make my way to Walmart. Before I had fully exited the gas station there were two people crossing the street within 50 feet of the crosswalk. Seriously. Take a few steps and be safe. For that matter the little grey-haired grandma made me want to roll down the window and scream something about what a good example she was making for my children crossing in the middle of traffic not 20 ft. from the crosswalk. Instead I tried to avoid smashing her as she made her way across the street but not before she gave me a nasty look for not stopping and getting rear-ended by the big giant semi-barreling down upon me. Not a block down the road was another couple dragging their toddler across the street with them - seriously his feet were dragging against the asphalt - again 20 to 30 ft. down from the crosswalk in heavy traffic and against the light.

WHERE THE HELL DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? DO THEY CARE SO LITTLE FOR THEMSELVES THAT THEY ARE WILLING TO RISK THEIR LIFE OR DO THEY JUST EXPECT THE WORLD TO STOP FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY CAN'T WAIT 30 SECONDS FOR THE LIGHT TO CHANGE OR 10 STEPS TO GET TO THE CROSSWALK?

I counted in my 5 mile round trip at least 25 people crossing against the light and NOT ONE was in the crosswalk. Jeez, has common sense just blown out the window with common courtesy, brains and I don't know what else?

I'm pissed and I don't care who knows it

2009-07-11T11:40:00.004-05:00

I was reading CNN yesterday, in fact here is a link to the story, talking about how a size 10 is really a size 14. So if I've lost 15 lbs and am making my way down to a size 10/12 that means I'm really a 14 and the damn fashion industry is trying to make me "feel good" about being a 10, but I'm really a 14 and crap - that means I'm still fat.

UNACCEPTABLE!

We as a nation, me included, are relying more and more on technology to get everything done. We have more and more to do - aren't getting anything for all the extra work. Remember the days when there were no cell phones and if you weren't at home or in the office, people couldn't reach you. OMG I wish those days were back. I mean imagine going for a walk and the phone not ringing, or driving without the phone (or ear jack) at your ear. I can walk down the mall and search the Internet and forward a contract or a photo or whatever while I'm running my errands and I wonder why I forget everything all the time. BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS TRYING TO DO TO MUCH AT ONCE and I'm all elated that I'm 2 sizes smaller when instead of being a 14 to begin with I was an 18 which means HOLY CRAP I'd let myself go.

Once upon a time I was a skinny girl with protruding hip bones and a concave stomach and 20 lbs under my "ideal" weight on that doctor's office chart. Now I'm more than 30 lbs over that ideal weight on that chart and the scary part is I'm happy that I'm not 50 lbs over it.

I am overweight, I know it but I am trying really hard to get back to a healthy weight and in a healthy way. I know that its not easy. I know that some people have issues about losing weight. My mother & grandmother have hypothyroidism. My father has diabetes. I've spent time cooking stuff that makes me pork up like a balloon because its what the kids or The Husband want. I don't fault anyone for being overweight because I'm there. But what really, really pisses me off is there is instead of trying to deal with the increasing size of America we are trying to make everyone feel better about their self by changing the size.

When is you-know-what is America and the rest of the world going to wake up and realize its not all about feeling good. Changing sizes to make people feel better is not going to get them healthy. Bailing out the banks is not going to solve the economic problem. Socializing health care is not going to solve the insurance crisis. Building debt is not going to help our nation. Bailing failing companies out is also not going to solve the world problems. And Congress has additional screwed up a BIG deal with laws regarding real estate appraisals that will set real estate back which will set back the economy.

It is all a giant screw up. Seriously.

I'm pissed that what I thought was a big giant step forward on my way to skinny is just a big giant lesson in retail deception.

FUNKIFICATION

2009-07-09T12:30:00.002-05:00

I have been living on Twitter and Facebook and not so much ignoring my blog, but have a general lack of inspiration in blogging. I think its a trend running around a few of my regular bloggers.

I am in a Funk - yes funk with a capital F. Blah.....Meh.....Ugh. I feel blank. That is awful isn't it. Blank, which could be twisted to sound empty. And I don't feel empty - blank is a better word. Kind of like a blank canvas just trying to figure out what's going on it. I've been walking a lot and feel good in a body/mind/spirit thing - I'm just lost on putting it into words. Maybe I'm just processing it all. Maybe I'm out of words, maybe I'm just like every other person out there just struggling to make sense of it all.

Well, cyber therapists.........any thoughts.

Insanity, Bread Making & Vegetables

2009-06-30T12:53:00.004-05:00

Well, I think I've gone completely insane. Yes, insane. I am sitting here typing a little about my day just so I can share the insanity. Everyone knows its more fun to be crazy in a group than separate.

I'm baking bread. BREAD. That wonderful fluffy yeasty goodness. I talked to a friend on the phone last night and told her I was going to bake bread today she said I was scaring her. Could me baking bread be that scary. Well, here is some more scary things: I've just made more pickled cucumbers, I have dinner plate ready for tomato & mozzarella salad tonight.

OK, here it is I'm trying to go vegetarian. I'm not going to completely give up meat, but in this heat and my plateau in the weight-loss front I've decided to cut it almost out of my diet. A little chicken here and there - some turkey lunch meat every so often. I just don't feel like the heaviness of meat everyday. Basically I think its just too hot to stand over a stove or a grill and cook.

Did I miss a sign from God?

2009-06-25T12:15:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, the City Council overwhelmingly passed what I think is the stupidest piece of legislation ever. It affects the 416 houses of my neighborhood effectively forcing our neighborhood to remain nothing but one-story homes. The people for this legislation in our neighborhood wanted to maintain the feel of the neighborhood. I'm amazed sometimes at people's mind sets. Don't they know that the "feel" of the neighborhood comes from the people not the architecture. But I guess some people were behind the door when common sense was handed out.

Anyway - while this meeting was going on I was making myself lunch. I had a pot on the stove and couldn't find my pot holder so I used a dishtowel to take the lid off the pot. Does anyone see what's coming? Yes, the dishtowel caught fire. It was pure luck I walked back in to see the flames shooting up the side of the pot and manage to grab the dishtowel and make it out the backdoor without any damage to the house or my body. The dishtowel however is toast.

Did God save me from burning down my house or was he trying to save me from living in a crazy neighborhood by burning my house down? I wonder if I'll ever know.

Too bad I didn't have my camera.

2009-06-22T20:58:00.002-05:00

I just had the most amazing evening. After The Husband cooked fajitas for dinner I quickly changed clothes and went for a walk. The first two miles were a nasty sweaty hot mess, but I worked it good. Mile 3 was OK nice starting to cool off and I got a nice 1/2 mile in the shade and the next 1/2 mile was relaxing and over a bridge with a beautiful view. It wasn't until I hit the last two miles of the walk that it got so fabulous.

What is so fabulous you ask? Besides me typing this when I should be showering the stank off me. The most incredible sight of the sun.

It wasn't one of those incredible sunsets full of color that makes you think the earth is going to burst into flames. No, first the lake was covered in sailboats. And the boats glowed with the orange of the sun. Then, the building across the lake lit up like the tombstones in the Ansel Adams photograph. Then the last mile after the sun went behind the trees. Everything was the most amazing color. The water looked like a mosaic of only peach and blue dots. There was a mother duck and her ducklings. The ducklings were so small they had to be "just hatched". The breeze kicked in and dropped the temp about 5 degrees and the last 1/4 mile the water turned more grey/blue with just a touch of sunlight here and there. It was a truly beautiful end to the day.

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-20T22:26:00.002-05:00

Dear Dad:

I want to take this opportunity to again say I'm sorry I didn't' get a card in the mail. I am quite possibly the worst daughter in the world, but this is about you and not me.

You have always been the most fabulous Dad any girl cold ever hope for. I got my most prized possession from you - my dry sense of humor. I also got my crazy hair from you - I'm not sure whether that is good or bad - I guess that really depends on the humidity. You are an awesome role model, a great dad, a fabulous Grandpa and well all around nice guy.

I love you Daddy!

I should never participate in a drug trial.

2009-06-18T11:21:00.004-05:00

EXCUSE ME, I THINK I'M WIRED WRONG!

You probably think I'm exaggerating don't you? Well I'm not and I'll tell you why. I feel like I could fall asleep standing up. Seriously. I am exhausted. My eyes are burning, I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep. The problem is that when I do that, my brain decides to turn on. No train of though last longer than 30 seconds. Except when I get a food craving and we don't have it in the pantry. I can drink coffee and go to sleep. Yes, extra caffeine will immediately send me off to sleep. My best sleep is after breakfast with about 3 or 4 cups of coffee on a Saturday morning.

And don't get me started on medicines.

Benadryl - makes me WIDE AWAKE and makes me rock back and forth like an autistic child and my skin crawls.

That nasty stuff that is suppose to make you stay awake that's in decongestants - will turn me into a zombie not quite asleep, but the walking dead. Drooling. If it doesn't contain that thing that starts with a p - it wires me out to where I talk so fast if you were my employer you would send me to be drug tested.

Vicodin/Oxycontin (or any other narcotic I've been prescribed for pain) WIDE AWAKE. You would think after taking a baby out of my abdomen or a chunk out of my boob, that I would have welcomed pain meds and gone to sleep. No instead I'm a wired mess and wide awake.

The medicine that's suppose to help with RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) that makes you go to sleep makes me grind my teeth into dust.

If its suppose to make you sleep, it keeps me awake. If its suppose to dull the pain, it makes my skin crawl. If its suppose to take the edge off its like sucking on a lifesaver.

OMG you won't believe what I just did.

2009-06-15T15:59:00.003-05:00

No,youwon't. Ijustcalledthepoliceonasolicitorthatcametomydoor. HeaskedwhyIwasmadathimandsaiditwasbecauseihadanosolititationstickeronmydoor.

Iaskedhimtoleaveandwhenhewouldn'tislammedthedoorinhisfaceandcalled911.

Heknockedonmydoortotellmecriminalscutthephonelinestodisableyouralarm.

Didn'twelearnthatonCSIorLaw&Orderorsomeonthercopshow?

ifigureditididthiswithnospacebaryouwouldreaditasfastasmyheartwaspounding.

I am officially married again.

2009-06-14T18:03:00.003-05:00

Sometime in seventh month of my first pregnancy I got too fat for my wedding ring. Anyone who has ever been pregnant can understand that statement. Sometime between the 1st and 2nd pregnancy I lost enough weight to get it back on. I got pregnant again and somewhere in between the 1st and 2nd trimester I swelled up again and it hasn't been on there since.

Until yesterday that is.

Who gives a damn right? ME, I do. Why, because it means I have lost enough weight that the band my husband gave me 14 or so years ago, back when I was 125 lbs, hot and my boobs were still perky, fits again. I'm not claiming perky boobs or 125 lbs, but this in monumental to an over 40 mom of two who has been not so happy about her figure for a while.

Now if only my feet would go back to a size 8.

Margie the Great

2009-06-11T15:28:00.003-05:00

Margie, the most wonderful woman in the world, saw my blog post a few months ago and she had brought back some Kiwi soap from New Zealand and that sweet thing gave up her Kiwi soap to me. ME!

CAN ANYONE BE A BIGGER ANGEL THAT THAT?

No, they can't. It was selfless and made me tear up just a little that someone would do that for me. Give up a treasure. She has to be the most wonderful woman in the Whole Wide World.

That's the way she rolls (pretty awesome isn't it?), and NO, you can't have her.

So apparently my husband does everything

2009-06-02T08:17:00.002-05:00

Last night when my husband came home I jumped in my workout clothes and drove down to the lake. I walked a little over 5 miles the last mile or so was well, exhausting. I came home to him cooking dinner - so I got in the shower, then in my nightgown (yes, it was before 7 pm) and got in bed to "rest". I was tired after a hot 5 miles.

He also emptied the dishwasher while making dinner. He had the kids call me in for dinner. I ate, then went right back to bed. The kids followed quickly to "cuddle". AWE!! They wanted to cuddle with me. How glowy and love did this mommy feel.

Then in came The Husband: What's going on in here? You just leave me to clean up after I cook dinner? Jeez, I have to do everything.

None of us got up. Not one. Then I had the gall to ask him to make the kids lunches this morning and I heard it again. I wonder how long I can leave the laundry?

Free, I'm free

2009-06-01T15:44:00.003-05:00

It's over, I'm free! Kinda, I know that makes absolutely no sense. I no longer am gainfully employed. One last paycheck is all I have left. I am so looking forward to not having to get dressed in the morning and being with the kids. And stuff and things.

Mostly the stuff and things. Its the best part. Don't ya think?

I'm going to take tons and tons of photos. I'm going to clean out the attic. I'm going to get rid of my junk. I'm going to sleep late. Shhh, don't tell the husband. I'm going to cook stuff from scratch. SCRATCH! No more boxed or packaged anything. Ok, that may be going a little far. I'm not sure I'm ready to make my own pasta but I will make my own bread. Yippee! Homemade bread. HMMMMMMM. Damn there goes all the work I've been doing over the last month or so to lose weight.

I just can't win can I? Who cares, I don't have to see anyone so I'm eating the bread. HEHEHE!

I already miss my paycheck though and my girls. I miss my girls. You know who you are girls. Even if you won't leave me a comment.

There is no title for this...

2009-06-01T08:03:00.003-05:00

I am a little nervous today. Its my last day of official work. (Although I am scheduled to cover some vacation in July) I've been there 2 weeks shy of 14 years. Heck I was there before I met my husband. Scary isn't it. I met him 2 weeks after I started this job. That's a long time. I'm excited to have the opportunity to have the entire summer with my kids. I'm scared that I won't budget well or that we won't do well without my paycheck coming in. Not that 15 hours a week brings in a ton of money, but I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to continue working and that the wonderful place I've worked for has been as accommodating and understanding as it has. They took me from full time to part time after the kids were born. Its going to be a bittersweet day for me and I hope I get through it without tears - although I seriously doubt it.

Today just going to be tough no matter which way I look at it.

Random Facts of the Week

2009-05-28T19:16:00.003-05:00

Exercise:

Monday: Walked 5 miles

Tuesday: Walked 3.5 miles

Wednesday: Walked 4 miles

Thursday: Skated 3.5 miles

Yea Weightloss!

Worked:

Tuesday - Friday (yes, I know its not Friday yet, but I will be working tomorrow.)

Yea Paycheck!

Sleep: None or next to none.

Boo!

Quote of the Week: Seriously hilarious, but can't admit that my son said that on this blog, so if you want to know check my Twitter account.

Snicker!

I am sweaty and currently drinking water out of a coffee cup, because we forgot to run the dishwasher last night.

Yea Us!

Just got Changeling in the mail from Netflix today, but will probably wait until Friday to watch.

Have a great weekend! Notice the positive attitude. Enjoy it, I'm sure it won't last - I'm high on endorphins after my skate.

I need a Mulligan!

2009-05-21T11:37:00.005-05:00

To say this morning didn't start out well, is well, an understatement. The Husband had to be at work early so he was out the door before we were fully awake. At 7:20 we realized that H2's shoes were in The Husband's car. He was 25 miles north of where we were so that was a wash. I rushed everyone in the car and was backing out of the driveway when I realized Target didn't open until 8 AM.

FYI, its testing week, so late is NOT a good thing.

So I went back inside tried to deal with the Diana Ross hair I had this morning. Put the straight iron to it and swished a little mascara on. No, makeup for Dijea today. Then rushed and dropped E off at school. Then went to Target with H2 in a pair of socks. Finally got him a pair of tennis shoes that fit him and we walked to the check out counter with H2 in his sock feet. The cashier was kind enough to cut off all the tags so we could put them on right there instead of walking back to the car for me to cut them off. So I rushed back to the school - had to walk him in to sign the tardy slip. Then left my brand new sunglasses on the counter at the school. Luckily they were still there and the secretary is holding them at her desk for me.

I realized in my stress haze that I hadn't taken my blood pressure meds and they were back at the house so I rushed back to the house grabbed my pills and rushed to the office. Sigh...

All this before 9 AM.

Looking to the positives.

2009-05-19T08:24:00.006-05:00

Well, it has been a tough week, and it's only Tuesday. I had to do something I hated yesterday. I turned in my notice. Yes, I handed in my resignation. I didn't want to. I love my job, but unfortunately the cost of childcare was far more than I made - on all the fronts I looked at. My mother even offered to come up and watch the kids, but her age, the distance she had to travel, the cost of gas and the fact she's already a caregiver for my 86 year old grandmother just wouldn't let me accept that option.

This June I would have been with the company for 14 years. That's a long time. They are like family to me and I've been lucky, lucky, lucky to work there. So far I've been offered the luxury of re-evaluation in the fall to see if there is anything available. So all is not lost - Hope is still floating around. I can't imagine working anywhere else, but I may not have a choice. We'll see what happens - keep your fingers crossed. And if anyone knows of any overnight or weekend work - I'm available. :) My husband will be taking up the slack, so everyone cheer for The Fabulous Husband, he deserves it.

So I guess I'm unemployed and not by choice, although I made it happen and if that's not confusing enough the loss of income will hit us harder than I like. I wasn't really working for fun or extras, we need the salary. Maybe it will give me a chance to clean out the attic and e-bay our junk away. It will give me a wonderful opportunity to spend the summer with the kids - although traveling with them will be limited. You will probably see tons and tons of entries on my blogs and the kids blogs. E wants to write books, so maybe we'll write an adventure story the three of us.

I'll bake and cook more -from scratch so feel free to forward some ideas to me. Hopefully write and take more pictures. Work a little on the house if I can afford to. Lose some more weight - chasing after the kids should keep me fit. Right?

Happy Mother's Day:

2009-05-09T18:04:00.005-05:00

Dear Mom:

I wish you the happiest day of the year. I the first born, the one that caused the least amount of problems, always sat in the timeout chair. Didn't sneak-out. (other siblings - you know who you are) Yes, I was a moody teen, but this is not about me, this is about you.

Thank you for all the support, the love and the occasional cart of groceries. I couldn't have a better role model as I forge my own path in motherhood.

Thanks for everything! I love you!

p.s. I took the photo yesterday.

I'm hoping hives aren't contagious

2009-05-07T11:19:00.003-05:00

I get to do something today that is not my favorite thing - in fact its probably not anyone's favorite thing except Oprah, Dr. Oz, various journalists. OK, some people have a knack for this, but I don't speak well under pressure. I would be much calmer in a combat triage center than I will public speaking today. Seriously.

Not something that calms my nerves or relaxes me. I have to, actually no, I'm choosing to because I feel that a bad zoning decision is being made in my neighborhood. Sometimes it amazes me the stubbornness and short-sightedness of people. I know everyone has a right to their opinion and I'm OK with that, but misinforming people about the legislation they are trying to pass the PRO side of the argument has well, riled-me-up - as they say here in Texas.

I am trying to gather all my brain-power to somehow maintain my train-of-thought, not blabber like an idiot and say "uh" about a million times. I am probably going to make my husband count the "uhs" I say. Its a running joke because every time I leave a message with anyone I say uh like a thousand times. So I'll be taking Deep Breaths, finding my inner politician oh and taking a little Xanax to keep me calm. Feel free to pray for me - I'm going to need it.

What would be perfect - a nice heckle from the other side. It would make our case stronger.

The one where I shared too much...

2009-05-05T11:56:00.004-05:00

It amazes me sometimes the cycles that life goes through. I am finding myself in a very contemplative state wondering what direction to go and which path to follow. Sometimes I feel like a caged bird that opened its cage and sometimes I feel like a dog chained to a spike - allowed some freedom but limited.

I want to explore something different - find my true space in the universe. I know that sound bizarre because I am over 40 and should know what that is, but I don't. I have spent my life accommodating others. That sounds ridiculous doesn't it? I followed a job path my mother thought was acceptable. I always was afraid of disappointing her. I didn't finish college because I kept being pointed in the business/accounting/teaching direction. I am NOT by any means a left brained individual, but for some reason I felt it was more important to please others than please myself. Not that my mother ever forced her ideas on me, I for some strange reason felt required to follow her hopes for me. Maybe its just a fear of failure, so I follow someone else's ideas I can't fail with my own.

Now I am stuck in a horrible position of not doing what I love. Or even exploring what I like. I have an obligation to my family, one that will always come first as they are the most important people in my life. My husband, although a loud snoring individual, loves me and I want nothing more than to return that love in every way imaginable. My kids are a constant source of joy - even when arguing about who got more snacks or "special time" or who that stupid toy belongs to. My husband would absolutely let me try anything I want - he's that kind of guy. I thank my lucky stars I married him, even though he has an unhealthy obsession with video games and a rather off-color sense of humor and is as quick to temper as I am. I kind of like that off-color sense of humor, not so much the crazy songs he makes up.

I just wish that the economy wasn't so screwed up. That I didn't see the government making incredibly dumb decisions everyday. Where is it that we have to write all this extra crap into bills? Can't we just say NO and do only 1 thing at a time. I feel like we need to rebel against all the excess and just take it one thing/day at a time. I wish I could just do what I wanted instead of being responsible for so much. Yes, I'm trying to avoid cleaning the bathroom. Can you tell? It just frustrates the hell out of me to see so much crap being flung around in the name of all that is good in the world.

I find myself being pulled in a different direction. I've been walking and listening to some incredible music that puts me in a creative mindset. I've lot 10 lbs, I feel better, I want to just be me and not worry about responsibilities so much. Other than those I have to my husband and my kids. Its not that easy. Enjoy life and maybe, just maybe everything will fall into place.

2009-04-29T22:31:00.002-05:00

Holycrapitshappenedagain.

Thespacebarisn'tworkingonlythereturnkey.

Whydoesithappen?

Iknowitsnothezombies,becausetheyarearecentaddition.

Areyoureadingfast?

Youguysusuallyreadfastwhenthereisnospacebar.

Oh,andthereisnoTVtoo,butthatisadifferentblogpost.

Have you ever just felt old

2009-04-27T08:54:00.003-05:00

Sheena Easton is 50 today. 50. Do you know how old that makes me (or makes me feel). I'm hyperventilating.

My peaceful place

2009-04-26T17:44:00.005-05:00

I like to walk the lake by the house. Its nice, peaceful. I saw a Duck with her ducklings coming out of the grass by the side of the lake. How can anyone's blood pressure go up while looking at this? Seriously. As I continued around the lake I walked thru the Fish Hatchery. I hadn't gone 50 yards into the hatchery when I saw this. OMG - I'm obsessed with dragonflies so I feel like this shot was a coup. Not my best - but, do you know how fast those suckers can be?

I saw this tree and it made me laugh. It looks like its crossing its legs. Have 2 Pee?

I also hadn't been through the hatchery since spring has well, sprung. I forgot how green and overgrown it can get. I had on cropped work-out pants and will probably end up with poison something. Below you can see my peaceful place. I love overgrown green spots. IT MAKES ME HAPPY! It lowers my blood pressure it makes me want to twirl around with my arms wide open and say thank you for such a beautiful scene. It was a cloudy day and it really was this dark. I was waiting for the fairies to come out - I guess they were hiding. I must not have been fairy worthy today.

I managed a full 5 miles around the lake, took about 200 photos. There a definitely a few frame-able. I'm kind of stingy with my really really good photos. I don't' know why - I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I know that is what I would eventually like to focus on, so I save them "just-in-case". But the better ones are on the photo blog. I just hope someone sees them and appreciates them and sees the beauty I do or even the beauty I don't.

Hope the world has a good week - I'm off to get a gauzy skirt and some Birkenstocks. Ok screw the Birkenstocks they are ugly. I'll get some Keene's.

Yea for me, Central Market & Earth Day.

2009-04-22T19:06:00.003-05:00

If blogs were living breathing things, I think my blog feels neglected. Its been a week and I haven't posted mainly because well, I'm tired. To the Bone, ridiculously hammered - I have triplets, I'm breast-feeding and I have no help tired. My husband has gone from snoring in his sleep to sounding like a wind tunnel. Seriously - I AM NOT KIDDING. It woke me up last night after wine and a 1 mg. Xanax. That's a feat. I worked 10 days straight then had yesterday off - which I barely accomplished anything past clean underwear and dishes. I was suppose to have today off too, but I got called in (certainly won't complain about work in this economy - keep it coming) and after than spent 3 hours at the kids school with the Book Fair & a helping out a sub in H2's class.

OMG - There is not enough mind numbing drugs in the world to make me want to teach kindergarten. After less than 30 minutes in that classroom I have felt like I'd I was being chased by the Terminator in a Tornado with Emeril screaming BAM every 5 seconds. It was like they all had ants in their pants. Holy Moly - I will pray everyday for the sanity of Kindergarten teachers. THEY NEED IT.

I did manage to trade in some plastic bags and get a new re-useable bag made from recycled water bottles from Central Market for Earth Day. Yea Earth Day & Yea Central Market. Yea extra money in the next pay envelope and Yea For me because I had the absolute best comeback on someone's Facebook entry. Sometimes a day just comes together.

I have no title - I'm blocked or something

2009-04-15T17:42:00.008-05:00

I am so having an identity crisis. I just thought you should know; it seems lately I've lost my "crappiness" and turned into all hearts and flowers and logicalness. What is wrong with me? I feel kind of like this flower I saw yesterday - waiting for someone to find me so I can make their day.

Maybe its just writers block. Its not like I haven't always been sweet and loyal and opinionated and stuff - I just miss my edge. Maybe its this dang medicine making me all normal or messing with my blood pressure or my mind. Do you think if I took a printout of my blog to my doctor he would then agree with my desire to not take pills?

I just had to delete like 3 paragraphs because I went on some strange off shoot train of thought about being my own therapist. Then there is that whole Tea Party & media "Teabagging" mistakes. I think they just like being able to say Teabagging without getting into trouble, or maybe they just don't know what it means. Anderson Cooper knew what he was saying though. I'm telling you he did, he had that look.

On a lighter note, this was my view yesterday after dinner we went to the lake to enjoy the sunset. Makes the day end on a positive note.

Apparently, I am evil and dumb......

2009-04-14T16:13:00.003-05:00

I find it amazing at how many people will hate you because you have an opinion. I am a human being with feelings, thoughts. I love my family, my friends, my kids. I have made fabulous friends here on the internet that sometimes make me laugh when I need it. Raise their hands in defiance when I need them, laugh at my dry sense of humor.

I live by the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Would you hate someone and talk nasty to someone just because their opinion differs from your own? Would you hate me because I didn't vote for the same guy for President? Would you hate me because I believe that anyone should be able to get married regardless of their choice of mates? Because I am a proud support of gay rights. Would you hate me because I am a christian? Would you hate me because I don't like peanut butter?

I, no matter who and what you believe in, will ALWAYS believe that you have the right to your opinion, the right to your beliefs. And I will never think less of you because of it. I only ask that you show me the same respect. That's all. Is that really to much to ask?

The one where I got high on life

2009-04-13T19:52:00.002-05:00

For 3 out of the last four days I have walked around the lake. Friday night I did almost 5 miles. Sunday I did around 3.5 - that day I just had The Husband drop me off and I walked home. Today I did about 2.5 miles. The Husband dropped me off and picked me up. I did take some cool pictures today. Baby turtles, an old railroad bridge and some other surprises.

I'd really like to lose some weight and have had no luck what so ever, so if I have to force myself to walk around the lake 4 times a week. I will do it. I get bored walking around my neighborhood, but when I hit the trail at the lake I could walk for hours. It gives me such a sense of peace and contemplation, I kind of kicked myself that I didn't take a notebook so I could just stop and write some of my thoughts down. Now, all I have is noise - thank you children & husband, so all that profound philosophizing I was doing in my head has blown somewhere in the back of my mind where it is quiet. Next time I am so taking my notebook. Don't for get to check my photo blog and see what I saw today. I even kept it in color.

I am also surprisingly upbeat - God only knows why, but I am maybe it exercising endorphins. That's a scary thought isn't it - me and endorphins. Its like a natural high man......

Next thing you know I'll be wearing a hemp skirt and Birkenstocks.

Apparently, I've been a bad, bad girl.

2009-04-09T20:09:00.004-05:00

Hi! I'm Dijea and apparently I have high blood pressure. So my doctor put me on some beta blockers and I'm pumping up the Xanax so I can stay calm because apparently its all stress related. I got a call around 5 and it was his nurse, who says, "You've been a very bad girl."

Now stop for a second. I may or may not have been a very bad girl - but how does she know?

I say "what is it?" knowing that it is related to the blood work he took.

"Your cholesterol is high"

"High?"

"Yes, high. Its 218."

A big sigh of relief comes out of my mouth. "That is not high."

Well, at least not for me. My high is 247 - my low is 149. Shoot, my husband has me beat by at least 30-40 points. I never did let her get out what my bad cholesterol was nor did I ask her if anything else came out bad. I guess I'll have to call back. He wanted to put me on Lipitor. I am anti-medicine. The fact that I am actually taking three pills a day. I'm suppose to be taking 4 according to the doctor, but there is NO way I'm taking 3 Xanax a day. I'd be a walking Zombie with high blood pressure.

I told her NO and to give me 30 days to get it lowered and if he still felt that I needed to go on it, I would without argument. So apparently I am going to be eating steel cut oats for breakfast, fruit for lunch and Cheerios for dinner. And apparently I'll be exercising a million hours a day. If anyone has any other ideas, I will gladly accept them. I don't eat fish - or anything that lives in water - so don't go there. I won't do it. I don't care what anyone says. I will probably go vegetarian - or next to no meat. UGH! I love my eggs in the AM and cheese, my beloved cheese.

I am warning you I will probably be a big giant you-know-what for the next month. I would avoid me if at all possible or bring me cuddly furry things or wine or maybe a nice candle. Viggo would be nice too. Hopefully the hubby won't mind. I bet two weeks into this extravaganza he will probably try getting in touch with Viggo himself. (OK, slight fantasy there but I need something with this grim outlook).

Weekend Update

2009-04-05T21:29:00.005-05:00

Well, its been an interesting week. My blood pressure was through the roof last week. WAY TOO HIGH. I do have an appointment with the doctor this week to address that and my stress levels. I'm not sure where its all coming from, but in my case, probably all sides. Hehe! Hey, I'm laughing.

I had a nice bike ride today that has reduced my outgoing stress a little bit. I feel a little more relaxed, but my jaw and shoulders are still tight, so its really just hidden. I wanted to keep going, but the kids and The Husband, were like "my legs hurt". Whimps!

Someone told me I looked like I lost weight. HAPPINESS, True Happiness. (and I will probably ride my bike everyday for like a week.)

Took a bunch of random tractor pictures. I think I need to do a series of Tractors. What do yo think? Here is my first one.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh!

2009-03-31T09:53:00.005-05:00

Today is one of those days where I just want to scream. I feel like a failure of epic proportions and want to run to the nearest cave and hibernate until my children are 18. I obviously don't have the skills to be a mother. I love them, I love my husband, I love my family as a whole, but I fail them everyday.

I try so hard to get them to understand what is important and what is not. How to brush their teeth, why we can't replace the toy they just broke because they refused to take care of it. I sit here with tears streaming down my face knowing that I lack the something that gets through to them. I try, but they think its funny to ignore me. They think its funny to squirt all the toothpaste all over the sink instead of brush their teeth. They think I should keep up with their homework. That I am expected to not only do their laundry - but find out where they put the dirty stuff (because it's not in the laundry basket). Yes, I realize they are boys and that some of that is expected but that doesn't mean they can't learn a little responsibility.

My husband just wants peace and to not have to be the bad guy - I so understand this and wish that I had the option to do the same thing, but I am one of those people who hold the weight of the world on their shoulders and worry about everything. And today, I just want to give up. I talk and no one listens, they just tune me out or continue with the conversations with each other completely ignoring me and my pleadings. I am constantly doing the same thing over and over. I feel like I have no control over anything, but all the responsibility.

My children are old enough to have responsibility - and yet as hard as I try to enforce that, it doesn't work. I hear about my nephew who can sew buttons and I think, my youngest still says he can't button a button - and he doesn't want to learn. He wants tie shoes, but doesn't want to learn to tie.

I know that every mother feels this way at some point. Well almost - I'm sure there are a few perfect ones out there. Today, I just feel like a failure, and maybe I'm just expecting too much. I don't know - today is just not my day. Thanks for letting me vent - I will try to be funny and humorous tomorrow, today I'm going to pout.